I should be happy but I can’t stop thinking about suicide

[Didyouhearwhatisaid]

I’m currently a SAHM, my partner works full time and we have a good relationship. It used to be great but it’s been a bit mundane recently and there’s really nothing to look forward to.
all my life I’ve struggle with ST. I last attempted in 2021 but It all got better when I had my daughter.
Shes now 1.
I used to feel safe in my relationship, happy and healthy.
but I caught his slip ups 2-3 times over the phone and I haven’t been able to trust him since. It’s thrown what I thought was healing right into a spiral that I just can’t get out of.
I love my baby and I want to live I just can’t help but think about running from it all and never coming back. I have the sure method, I just feel like I’m waiting for a horrible day to justify the decision.
Theres a lot more going on in my life as to why I feel this way but these are the main ones. Does it ever get better?
I think I’ve been this way from about 12. I am now 23

Hi @Didyouhearwhatisaid . I didn’t want to read and run. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling at the moment. Are you able to talk to those around you about how you’re feeling, and do you have support for your mental health?
please keep going, remember suicidal thoughts are something that happens in a moment and will pass.
Maybe call the Samaritans if you need a safe space to discuss things.

Take care

Hello @Didyouhearwhatisaid, we are really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best.
💐

Can you speak to your health visitor? If you think you're going to harm yourself can you call NHS direct option 2. Can you make an emergency GP appointment for Monday?

Is there anyone else who can support you apart from your husband? Any friends or relatives you can confide in?

seek help from your GP or health visitor. The first couple of years with a new baby is so hard, particularly if you feel your partner is unreliable. I found my health visitor was a real help with sensible practical advice, when I was struggling with the early years.

Be kind to yourself too

Hello @Didyouhearwhatisaid
I'm a sahm too. I'm 34. I have siblings who have been in the same predicament - both have attempted suicide. I can honestly say it would bring my world crashing down if they were successful. They got through something they thought was impossible & of course still have bad days but have both shown greater strength & determination from those bad times. I'm lucky enough to have never had those thoughts, I have bad days too sometimes & want to get away from it all like you. The things that help me is seeing the things that make me happy, being grateful for what I've got ( whilst striving for more is also fine) realising things can change - relationships, people, feelings, - including yourself, giving myself time to think things through, making some small changes can start to make a big difference. Lots of luck to you on your journey, it's not easy but it will be worth it! X