don’t want to be here anymore but don’t want to leave my kids

[helpmehelpme3847]

i have 3 kids under 4 and i feel really depressed. im burnt out touched out constantly overstimulated. the noise makes me feel so angry and then i shout and i don’t want to shout because i was raised by shouty parents and i hated it. and then the guilt eats me up and i just want to k1ll myself. im a shit parent i’m a shit wife i’m shit at everything i’m just shit full stop. i don’t want to be here but i don’t want to leave my kids behind i feel so trapped

Fact you're worrying about your kids means you're not a shit parent. Talk to your gp r someone similar, your kids need u and love u, you'll get thru this

You're not a shit parent. You're totally human. You definitely need to have a break. Being overstimulated is no joke. You recognise that you're shouting and you don't want to. It won't always be like this. In the mean time you need a break. Is your partner a good Dad? Can you go and stay in a Travelodge and have a good nights sleep?

I think this feeling is so much more common than people realise. Is there anyone you can talk to? GP, or helpline like Samaritans? Or your health visitor? Not Al areas have them any more, but you might get referred to a group like sure start. I had help from a group like that when my eldest was little and it saved my life. I was almost too proud and embarrassed to ask for help, I never saw myself as someone who deserved help from a charity. Looking back now, it was the best decision I ever made, asking for help.
I don't think you're shit. I think you're feeling shit, and frankly, that's both entirely understandable and reasonable when you have small children. It's going to be ok - you can do this xx

Oh OP, I've been here too, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Do you have any friends you can talk to? Maybe go and see whilst your partner holds the Fort at home? Some time to yourself is so very important.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Wishing you the very best, OP.

MNHQ
💐

@helpmehelpme3847 Please don’t leave your children behind.

They love you despite the shoutiness!

Have you family nearby that can help?

Your husband needs condoms or a vasectomy so as not to add more stress onto you.

It must be incredibly hard.

Can you go to your GP?
Will your husband look after the kids while you do?
💐

@helpmehelpme3847 My adoptive mum once got out of the car on holiday in France leaving us - and Dad- in the car.

She just needed SPACE!

i keep going to the gp about it and they keep prescribing me different anti depressants etc but i have massive health anxiety at the same time and don’t like taking things with so many side effects. and then referred me to therapy but i have the kids with me 24/7 so its either say how i feel infront of kids which i dont want to do, or dont go. it feels like a losing battle

@helpmehelpme3847 Your children sound very young(?)
If not at school yet to give you some breathing space..

I know several Mums with 4 kids- and it’s a LOT to handle, especially if close in age

The squabbling
The wanting your attention
Mum! MUM!! MUM!! mum !! Constantly..

I only have one son ( now grown) but no way could have have wrangled four little ones-

Our Dad was one of Seven, and his mum was worn out.

Your husband really does need to help you.

Our dad was very traditional- But when poor mum really lost it ( she’d cry a lot) he would read us stories and take us out at weekends to give mum some space.

Probably with a bit of peace and time to yourself while you know the kids are SAFE will help.

Talking therapy probably would be best~
Loads of mothers feel overwhelmed

One very placid one ( who was a professional Nanny ) has 4 children- and she said it nearly broke her when they were young- She had Twins.
They are older now and so much easier. 💕

Three under 4 is incredible hard work and you need help and support ( and a break)

Don't beat yourself up about not being the perfect parent you want to be - you are clearly good enough

I would be minded to try the antidepressants because side effects don't affect everyone and you may well have none - you can change your mind if the cure turns out worse than the problem

Just read your post and I wanted to add that there are other sources of support available to you - for example:

• Samaritans : 116 123 / 0330 094 5717 (24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Email: [email protected] or visit www.samaritans.org)
• Campaign Against Living Miserably : 0800585858 (5pm-midnight, 365 days per year)
• Non-emergency NHS support (or referral to the CRISIS team): 111
• Text "SHOUT" to 85258 to contact the Shout Crisis Text Line (www.giveusashout.org.uk)
• Mind: 0300 123 3393 (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday )
• Your GP (family doctor)
• SANEline : Call 07984967708 to request a call back or join their online forum ( www.sane.org.uk )

Can you get your wee ones enrolled in a local nursery to get yourself some breathing space? Check out:

Help paying for childcare: Free education and childcare for 2-year-olds if you claim certain benefits - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Tax-Free Childcare - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Apply for free childcare if you're working - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

It took me nearly 50 years and parenting a child to encounter this link: Samantha Craft's Unofficial Checklist: Females and Autism / Aspergers | The Art of Autism (the-art-of-autism.com) and realise that my extreme noise sensitivity and overwhelm were due to undiagnosed autism. My diagnosis has helped me to implement the boundaries and accommodations I need to gain control - for example, I reduce the sensory overwhelm with products such as Your life, your volume | Loop Earplugs and Calmer® | An Alternative To Traditional Earplugs – Flare Audio Ltd .

I agree with SamVimesFavouriteDragon- you're not shit, you're feeling shit. And over time your feelings can change.

Best of luck to you - I hope you get the help that you need and deserve x

Oh sweetheart, you need to see your GP. I've been there. I needed a CPN when I hit rock bottom. But please ask for help. You've managed to type it here, first steps. Now ask GP for help & referral to psychiatric help. The best thing I ever did was ask my doctor for help. Your babies need you, it's just Post Natal Depression hunni. Your kids are obviously your life. Have you spoke to your partner? A friend? A relative? You've got this sweetheart. Look your little ones in the eyes and feel that love, get the help, support & medication to get you back to the person you was before depression creaped in. Best wishes + good luck x