Is it possible to overcome chronic poor mental health and go on to live a contented life no matter how old you are or how long you've suffered??

[WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople]

I have suffered with poor mental health since I can recall, since early childhood.

I was always labelled as a sensitive child, an overthinker and highly strung. I had issues with ocd, had various obsessions (usually around health and contamination), I had and still suffer from food issues which I have been told by a psychiatrist is most probably ARFID. I had sleep issues and was given Phenergan to help me sleep. I worried about so many different things (I still worry a lot) and generally felt different from my friends and peers who all seemed to be able to drift through their days uneventfully.

As an adult I have suffered almost none stop from anxiety which manifests itself in various ways especially when it comes to my health and a more generalised anxiousness which will see me stress over many many different things.

26 years ago I developed IBS which has never left me and was triggered by a stressful time. It has been very much up and down but became much worse in the last 6 years when I hit perimenopause and other life stresses such as my mum developing dementia and my son suffering from school anxiety/refusal. My gut issues dictate my life.

All of the above has led to years of depression.

My anxiety feels like a fire that has been burning away from the beginning, never goes out and my life stresses are the gasoline which fuels it.

I have tried many things over the years to try to help. I always try to go down the holistic route and have spent a small fortune on therapies (hypnotherapy, endless cbt, counselling, EMDR), relaxation therapies, nutritional therapies but nothing has had a lasting impact. I don't drink, smoke, consume much sugar or caffeine.
I have tried a few antidepressants but gave up after 6 months or so as they have exacerbated my digestive issues which are such a big contributor to my anxiety so if that's made worse so my anxiety spirals.

It all feels hopeless at times and I enjoy very few days when I feel good. I struggle with overwhelm, think the worse case scenarios for many of my life events (try to put my cbt training in place for this) and struggle to manage my life at times even though to the outside world (friends, work, my parents etc) it looks as though I am coping as I always plant a big smile on my face but inside I am a bit like Munch's The Scream!

Are some people just destined to live a life of constant battles with their mental health, to never feel at ease or rested? I was truly hoping by the time I reached mid life and beyond I would find some kind of solace.

Yes. I suffered from poor mental health from my mid teens. In my early 40s I was sectioned and in hospital having ECT. I've had a spell on antidepressants since but I'm fine now..

My DH suffered from depression badly until he had a really bad time when he was 60 and agreed to talking to someone.
He had about 5 sessions and has not suffered again, he's 72 now.
So for some people you can recover from depression.

Thank you everyone.

Your replies are encouraging. Even though I feel I'm in a bad place at the moment I do keep pushing through in the hope I will eventually turn some kind of corner and start to feel better and brighter about my future.

@WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople

Is good you are on a waiting list. I've had a successfully shit life, the first 25 years filled with enteral neglect and parental abuse, then sexual abuse and domestic violence. My mental health is constantly up and down but psilocybin therapy really helped me. Lots of threads on here and I'm on some of them under various names. I used to grow my own mushrooms. Honestly, I'm happier and more content than I've ever been in my life. That's not to say life is perfect but I grow my own veg in my little garden in sunset, tend to my house plants daily, motor my fish tank and do nice things for other people. Limiting screen time and internet is a big thing that helps too. But therapy is what made the biggest difference.

@WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople its definitely hereditary. I’ve read that you inherit your parents nervous system. I see so much anxiety in my father now that I would never have recognised before I knew I had it, had therapy for etc. in fact I think all our side of the family (dads side) have various issues, mainly undiagnosed ADHD. There are a lot of alcoholics and a few addicts on that side, my cousins etc.

I’m up and down myself. Currently having trauma counselling and counselling for my anxiety which has increased in the last few months, although I’m 44 so most of my friends say they are feeling similar. I do believe you can “overcome” it. I have before so I know I can again. Like you I prefer talking therapies to meds, meds messed up my hormones badly. Best of luck OP, we can do this. Breathe xx

I’ve had long patches where nothing seemed to shift, and then something small—like a new therapist or just feeling heard—made a difference. What helped me once during a really low spell was calling a mental help hotline. I didn’t think it would do much, but it felt good to talk without pressure or judgment. Sometimes just saying things out loud breaks the cycle a bit.

How are you now @WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople?

@WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople Sending a virtual hug. You are a warrior. I suspect you have already tried everything I could suggest, all I can say is keep on keeping on. I am so proud of you and your resilience for keeping going. You are an inspiration to me. I hope you find some relief and happiness.
Music, meditation, gratitude always help me when I remember to do them religiously.

@WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople With symptoms as long lasting as yours you do need to try the pharmacological route. This could take many months as you titrate medications and try different ones.

You will need to be determined and persistent, you will need to hang on to wanting to get to your end goal which is relief from your symptoms and a happy life. You’re worth and you’ll get through the medication trials.

I would say that IBS in its entirety can be caused by chronic anxiety stress etc. So once you find the right antidepressant you may find that after some months the IBS becomes more under control.

I've always struggled with my mental health and a lot of co existing physical health problems. It's been up and down but always difficult. I've adapted my life as much as I can (it unfortunately looks nothing like I would have liked) but helps to a point-its very low activity, part time wfh, no children, pretty isolated etc. Things got significantly worse when I hit peri menopause a couple of years ago and despite all my adjustments I've just been in a constant state of overwhelm, depression and anxiety since which has obviously worsened my physical health. I'm also waiting for an asd assessment as seeing a mental health nurse and she thinks thats likely the route of my difficulties. I am still hoping for some calmer waters, hopefully my hormones will settle which could help. I do take a couple of medications which help. I have reached a point where I know this is something I'll always have to try and manage the best I can and that life is just always going to feel very difficult for me but hoping I can get to a point where I can enjoy life a bit more and create something a bit nicer for myself than feels like it has a bit more meaning rather than just trying to get through each hour or day.

I don't think anyone has mentioned exercise/being outdoors. The only thing that works for me when the shit hits the fan and menopause on top. Humans have not evolved to cope well with sedentary indoor lives.

No negative side effects. Can be free. At worst, you'll improve your physical health , and at best you will feel like a new woman.

I don't know but I hope so. I wish it were as simple as just getting treatment and putting the work in and getting better.

I have come to accept that depression/anxiety/neurodivergency are always going to be a part of my life.

But I believe that there are ways to find coping mechanisms and ways to manage my issues. For me it includes:

• antidepressants
• counselling where we discussed practical coping tools
• regular exercise & daily 10 minute meditation
• keeping a journal
• doing all I can to limit stress, including not allowing toxic people in my life.

It is a constant battle and takes work but I do think that I am in a much better place now.

My mental health took me to a stage where I was making plans to end my life so now I prioritise my well being at all cost.

Hi OP
I think for some people the damage is so great it is very difficult to undo.
So for those who have a childhood full of trauma and who never bonded to their caregivers your brain has literally not formed like a normal person.

Parts of the brain which are meant to talk to each other, don't. Certain parts of the brain are bigger than they are supposed to be, whilst others are smaller. Certain circuits in the brain have not formed properly.

I'm not talking about people who lose their job, or split with a partner as an adult and get a bit depressed for a while. I'm talking about people who's emotional/mental health never really got a chance to grow/form in childhood.

For me I didn't even realise I was 'abnormal' till my thirties.

My tips (if they can be called tips) are
Antidepressants - some will give you more side effects than others. One type gave me a really dry mouth and I almost couldn't stay awake on them. Prozac for me seems to work okay with no unbearable side affects.

Therapy - I tried private therapy for a while. I think he was a psychologist but not a clinical psychologist (who cost way more to see). Quite honestly he was rubbish. I was just expected to talk and he would say 'and how did that make you feel'. I gave up after 6 months no further forward with my mental health at all. By contrast I managed to get the attention accidently of NHS mental health services. The first or 2nd appointment with the MH nurse and I already had some sort of diagnoses. (CPTSD although it could be BPD as they look very similar). The MH nurse was not a psychologist and yet she was much more useful than the private therapist. Then I got a face to face assessment with an NHS clinical psychologist which was meant to be for 45 mins but she had me in there for nearly 2 hours at her encouragement. It was like night and day to compare her to the private therapist. She was so kind and made me relaxed and asked all kinds of questions to get information out of me. She recommended a particular type of therapy for my particular type of trauma. She wouldn't give me a diagnosis. I'm not sure why. Maybe the label would be damaging if it was BPD for example. Or maybe I have a mixture of stuff for example. Anyway the wait was long (6 months from my appointment at MH nurse to seeing the clinical psychologist). Since then I have had to fill in several very large forms and had 2 telephone appointments with another clinical psychologist to review the results and see if the type of therapy recommended was right for me. They were supposed to be online face to face appointments but I couldn't get the link to work. Anyway she agreed that the therapy type was correct but whereas the first psychologist thought group therapy might work, this one has concluded I need individual therapy of the same type. So I'm on the list for that now and I guess it will be another 6 months she said (so 12 months from my first MH appointment to hopefully face to face individual therapy).
Anyway the short of this is if you have seen private therapists and not had any success, then perhaps try NHS route via mental health nurse as they really do seem to know what they are talking about.

Obviously you know to try and help yourself with the basics like eating decent food and showering everyday, getting fresh air etc.

I'm currently going through a bit of a grieving process realising the impact my childhood has had on me. I mean I am literally a different person to who I might have been if I had not been raised as I was. Things that other people can do quite easily with no thought, I can't. For example eat like a normal person (i have an ED), manage my emotions like a normal person (I am impulsive, get hurt far too easily, overreact to things 'triggered'. Relationships with the opposite sex are night on impossible as I try to control everything to keep myself safe).

No i don't think I will ever be the person I might have been with a better start. That makes me angry, sad and all kinds of emotions. I am reading and watching things on my own and trying to address my eating disorder by understand what I am trying to achieve when i reach for the cream cake or bowl of icecream (it's usually in response to being lonely, distressed, frustrated, angry. Pretty much never cause of hunger. I think I use it to soothe my emotions and the sugar/fat must give me temporary relief much like a drink with an alchoholic).

I do often feel like I watch others going about their normal lives and feel like i don't exist. I don't trust others and I don't even feel like I can trust myself.

I am really hoping this therapy helps me. I am very much middle aged now. As well as the mental health issues I even have physical things which I now believe were caused by the stress/trauma.

I have found some solace in animals although it even took me a long time to be able to let my dog sleep in the same room as me. For people like us our lives tend to be more a case of 'surviving it, getting through it, getting to the end'. I do often think that whilst I am dreading the whole drawn out dying thing, actually being dead will probably be a relief. I pray I have a quick death (heart attack at home) rather than end up with dementia or in and out of hospital.

Anyway sorry if my post was a bit depressing but I have the feeling you will understand what I am talking about. Just know that there are others like you walking about 'pretending' to be fine.

(for anyone who thinks I am suicidal and my post should be reported, I am not suicidal and I am getting help)