Is it possible to overcome chronic poor mental health and go on to live a contented life no matter how old you are or how long you've suffered??

[WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople]

I have suffered with poor mental health since I can recall, since early childhood.

I was always labelled as a sensitive child, an overthinker and highly strung. I had issues with ocd, had various obsessions (usually around health and contamination), I had and still suffer from food issues which I have been told by a psychiatrist is most probably ARFID. I had sleep issues and was given Phenergan to help me sleep. I worried about so many different things (I still worry a lot) and generally felt different from my friends and peers who all seemed to be able to drift through their days uneventfully.

As an adult I have suffered almost none stop from anxiety which manifests itself in various ways especially when it comes to my health and a more generalised anxiousness which will see me stress over many many different things.

26 years ago I developed IBS which has never left me and was triggered by a stressful time. It has been very much up and down but became much worse in the last 6 years when I hit perimenopause and other life stresses such as my mum developing dementia and my son suffering from school anxiety/refusal. My gut issues dictate my life.

All of the above has led to years of depression.

My anxiety feels like a fire that has been burning away from the beginning, never goes out and my life stresses are the gasoline which fuels it.

I have tried many things over the years to try to help. I always try to go down the holistic route and have spent a small fortune on therapies (hypnotherapy, endless cbt, counselling, EMDR), relaxation therapies, nutritional therapies but nothing has had a lasting impact. I don't drink, smoke, consume much sugar or caffeine.
I have tried a few antidepressants but gave up after 6 months or so as they have exacerbated my digestive issues which are such a big contributor to my anxiety so if that's made worse so my anxiety spirals.

It all feels hopeless at times and I enjoy very few days when I feel good. I struggle with overwhelm, think the worse case scenarios for many of my life events (try to put my cbt training in place for this) and struggle to manage my life at times even though to the outside world (friends, work, my parents etc) it looks as though I am coping as I always plant a big smile on my face but inside I am a bit like Munch's The Scream!

Are some people just destined to live a life of constant battles with their mental health, to never feel at ease or rested? I was truly hoping by the time I reached mid life and beyond I would find some kind of solace.

I honestly don't think there is a cure for depression, sorry😓There wouldn't be so many millions of people suffering from it if there was a cure.

Anti-depressants numb the feeling though, could you keep trying them until you either find one that doesn't cause digestive issues OR treat the digestive issues too.

Thanks. I do think you may be right, I have tried for years to feel better to no avail.

@WearsblackLoveschocolateAvoidspeople please hang in there and have hope.
You sound very much like me. I'm now 69 and I have much better mental health than I've ever had. Not perfect but there is no perfect. I've come to terms with so much, and I can truly say that in many ways I am now at peace.
No medication (I succumbed once when I was beyond desperate) but years and years of good therapy. No therapy now.
I truly believe that for most of us there is a state of health underneath all the illness and it can be reached.
Sending you huge hugs.

Always look to the root of when these issues began. Do you know why you were labelled in early childhood? What was your childhood like? In answer to your original question, yes - it is possible to change once you know what to change from.

I'd say so. I'm the most content I've ever been with my mental health. I have the odd occasion where things get on top of me, but I don't generally feel anxious or depressed without good reason. I like myself and I see my value. I never tell myself things like everyone hates me or I'm worthless.

I've never had any counselling because I'm not a talker. I've just pepped talked the hell out of myself and told myself we're not doing negative self talk.

I've been suicidal in the past with misery and I never thought I'd get to this point, but here I am.

I am on long term antidepressants btw.

I used to think I'd suffer for life. Mine started around 4 years old, lots of therapy and medications and nothing worked.

Then randomly in my late twenties it just went away on its own. Pretty much overnight. I didn't do anything different.

The same happened to my late OH but he was in his late thirties when it just went away for him. There is always hope.

Edit: I do still have my ARFID though but I've been able to slowly expand out what I eat by changing safe foods by a tiny tiny amount until I transform it into something new and the new thing becomes another safe food.

Yes, I think so. The shift for me came with accepting who I am and taking small incremental steps towards creating a life that suited me, rather than putting pressure on myself to be someone I am not. Things can change OP, don't lose hope xx

It can get better op. I personally believe that the world and this life by design are a mixture of hardships and joy. I could have written your post many years ago. Buy yourself the book SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES by Claire weeks.
It changed my life. I still have setbacks occasionally when under stress but without it, I wouldn't be where I am.

I think it can get better but not when you find what works for you. There is a lot of interest just now in the gut/brain connection which might lead to a greater understanding. IBS is hugely anxiety inducing for me so I sympathise. I have reached a better place than for several years, a combination of upping my antidepressants, increasing yoga, IBS settling a bit and circumstances leading to a change in my routine, semi retirement from self employment. I suspect that it is a spiral so all the above things feed into each other. How I will be if anything happens to upset the calm I can’t say, hopefully the coping techniques will work.
I hope you find something that works for you!

I have. I was late diagnosed with adhd and asd after years of depression and anxiety, multiple periods of severe burnout, which led to physical symptoms. Id had therapy, cbt, periods of time off sick. If i wasn't anxious, i was depressed and vice versa. Usually both.

My diagnosis changed everything - over the ensuing 18 months i learnt how to manage my neuro divergency, learned what makes me tick and my triggers, leaned into what i need to make myself comfortable. I work part time from home (although i did pre diagnosis too) and make sure i have plenty of time to myself to reset/recharge. I am very quick to say no to things that i think will be too much for me.

Now I'm very rarely anxious and my depression has completely gone - after years of anti depressants.

Yes it's absolutely possible.

Are you neurodivergent? A lot of those symptoms come hand in hand with neurodivergence.

I would say its probably a 24 month journey of discovery and trial and error to get to a place where things work. I'm about 10 months into mine.

The way I cope is just trying to deal with each symptom
Mainly holistically. Getting better at boundaries and giving less fucks. Sense of humour for bad days.

I also strongly believe in the stress tolerance window and trying to stay within it

Also that too little stress can be as distressing as too much stress.

Allowing yourself not to be defined by the past. But knowing that the daily habits today are what creates the future. That's the hard part. The person I want to be / feel like is future me and she isn't here yet. But I have glimpses of her. Practising gratitude in the days when it's good. The only certain thing in life is that there is a dip coming, like a change in weather. But as Pema Chodron says you are the sky everything else is just the weather. There is always a tiny thing that can make you feel better, even if its getting up and drinking a glass of water right now, I guarantee you will feel better.

Could you possibly have ADHD OR ADD? Ibs/ digestive uses and ocd are all related.

It may be with you looking into psilocybin therapy

Yes, absolutely.

You mentioned you tried nutritional therapies, have you watched or read Georgia Ede or Chris Palmer?

I have suffered anxiety ever since ican remember. It was never called that though, I was shy, not confident, nervous, a worrier, silly etc. But looking back it was really not a normal level of worry. It shaped my life and I have also suffered depression on and off for years. A few years ago, I got to a point where I didn't want to live any more. I found antidepressants that worked and they changed my life, even now that I have stopped them. I'm never going to be the most confident person, I still can worry a bit too much sometimes and I do have to work at the depression not returning. I've also realised that I am likely to be dyslexic after meeting a colleague who is. It explains a lot of my young school experience where I thought I was just a bit dim and withdrew even more. I have also suffered ibs on and off, stress and worry flare it up.

I've moved jobs! After nearly 20 years of being in the same job I started after college I am now doing a role I never believed I could. I've learned to drive, another thing I was too scared to do.

I am 40 next year and it's only the last couple of years I have felt 'normal' as in happy, not terrified of doing the wrong thing, people laughing at me. It's taken work and medication and I know there is more I can do but I am actually happy.

I think part of what helped is getting older. I no longer give a shit who likes me or who doesn't. I know some people will like me and some won't and that's normal and fine. I don't like everyone either! I'm 40 now. When I was a teenager and young adult, I agonised about what other people thought. I wouldn't leave the house for long periods of time because I was so terrified of anyone looking at me.

The other big thing that helped me is going to yoga. I can't go anymore but the lesson of being able to deal with discomfort and breathe through it has stayed with me. I have often cried in shivasana (lying still and doing nothing) at the end of a session.

Oh, thank you so much. Your reply hasn't been me so much hope.

Eyesopenwideawake I feel I had a good childhood, caring parents who are still together and no poverty etc. My mum and her family all had anxiety issues so maybe it is hereditary thing or learned behaviour?

PaillettenBedeckt would you say the anti D's have very much helped? I feel I would like to try them again.

DoAWheelie I do always live in hope it may go away on its own accord one day, just hope it's sooner rather than later.

Thank you FloozingThePlot, that's half my battle, always wanting to be like everyone else. I am due to start some acceptance therapy in October and am hoping it may help.

Freespirit44 I bought myself that book in my 20',s but didn't ready it thoroughly. I know many swear by it. I need to re-order myself a copy.

eatreadsleeprepeat it's a nasty vicious cycle isn't it? I started reading a lot about the gut/brain connection a few years back and got into gut directed hypnotherapy and yoga, they certainly help but as soon as I hit a bumpy patch in my life (which is currently caring for my mother who has dementia) it all goes back a giant step. I have the kind of personality which doesn't cope well in a crisis, well I look and act as though I am but internally and mentally, not so much! I am hoping retirement will allow me some respite from my anxieties.

That is good to know Meeplebeen
I am on a waiting list for an ADHD assessment following a psychiatrist consultation earlier this year, he wasn't an expert on neurodiversity but recommended I had an assessment. I don't think my GP was impressed though, thinks that I'm jumping on a social media bandwagon 😵‍💫

Thank you PamperGoals2024
That's really helpful.

WitchyBits
I have been put on a waiting list for an assessment, if I am diagnosed it would make sense.

I haven't but will look those up, thank you

That's a very encouraging story, thank you.

I too have found the older I get the less I care what others think of me. It's a great feeling

It's a good question. I think of mine as very much like the chronic physical health condition that I have. If I take my baseline meds, it's under control most of the time but sometimes it will flare up. Then I need more support - whether that's new meds or a change in meds or some time off work or whatever. I'm not sure it's realistic that I'll ever get fully better but meds and regular therapy help a lot. In the same way that meds and regular blood tests help me manage my chronic psychical health condition I have.

Yes, they've definitely helped. I have a tendency to overthink things to the point of exhaustion. The ones I take make it a lot easier to tell myself that I've already considered everything from every angle and it's time to drop it.

It was such an odd feeling when I first started taking them. I went to automatically start overthinking and my brain wouldn't do it. It was like a miracle.

This meme I saw recently was me every day before I took them:

@Meeplebeen - would you be comfortable talking about how you’ve managed your neuro divergency?

Your post rang so many bells with me - I’ve had severe chronic depression and anxiety since I was 11-12 (I’m now 50) with physical symptoms and 2 breakdowns. I also have some ADHD symptoms. I’m on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment but now that I know it’s a possibility, I just want to start managing my ND symptoms myself, regardless of the diagnosis.

Hey OP

Yes, I think it's possible.

I've been through all sorts, can relate to a lot of what you have said. However, I often feel good, although generally am quite an up and down person, and occasionally I feel great.

Hang on in there. And do things that actively make you happy! Whatever they may be.

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