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Mental health

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Original poster

Feel like the most rubbish, useless Mum in the world sometimes.

26 replies

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 15:42

Today I have a car parked in the drive, money to spend, the weather isn't that bad and what have I done with the DDs absolutely nothing.

I was going to take them down the park for a bit and wimped out of it as it would mean about a 15 minute drive. I'm still terrified of driving and have been driving nearly every day for 2 years plus. I only drive in the mornings when it's quieter and to places I know. I was getting better but my anxiety has returned big time since getting pregnant and I keep thinking either I am going to hit someone or someone will hit me, it's so bloody stupid I know.

I feel so sorry for the DDs I should be taking them out more but I can't face going outside sometimes. I have spent the afternoon in tears on the sofa watching TV with them.

I have loads of other issues going on in my head with being pregnant, having SPD/SI pain, no help and the two of them to look after.

Sorry it's just a pointless self obsessed rant I know I need to get my finger out and get out more but I feel i just cant.

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 15/04/2008 15:50

Don't feel guilty. You are pregnant and have two small children - it is normal (though unpleasant) to feel knackered and to have no energy and to veg out on the sofa.

Can you spend a bit of money on some help?

belgo · 15/04/2008 15:53

don't feel guilty sweetkitty. For someone who is terrified of driving you are doing very well driving every day for the past two years! Far better then me - also terrified of driving and just can't bring myself to drive.

Sometimes kids just need to be at home not doing very much. It won't do them any harm.

nappymadmummy · 15/04/2008 15:53

Just wanted to say I'm like that with driving. I recently got back into it but still have days where I just feel too anxious to do it. I keep telling myself to think it's just one day and the next time will be better...it doesn't always work like that but I try to stay positive if I can. Try to put it out of your head and focus on it being better next time.

chloesmumtoo · 15/04/2008 15:54

Oh dont be so hard on yourself. I am also like you and am petrified of driving. I only take the dc's to school and back lol, but do more in hols with dp. It doesnt mean your a rubbish mum. Thats awful you feel so bad, prob the pregnancy. Dont judge your parenting on your anxieties. Maybe later on you can have some extra help to overcome your fears but like me probably now is not the right time. I hope to boost my confidense later on when I have time for myself. Hope your feeling better soon

jetgirl · 15/04/2008 15:55

That was me last Weds. So tired i can't be arsed, with 2 yo and 5 month old to entertain. DH hadn't tidied kitchen night before leaving it for me. I soobed in front of DD who was most baffled!

It's not a self-obsessed rant, you just need someone to say it's ok to feel like that sometimes, and you need people here to listen. I bet loads of mums have been where you are, but lots of the time we don't tell anyone because we don't want to be seen as failures.

We are not. Motherhood is bloody hard work and you are doing fine, especially as you are pg too.

It will get better. Have you got someone who can watch the children for a bit so you can have some time to yourself?

jetgirl · 15/04/2008 15:56

Oh - and I gave up on learning to drive last year, just found it too terrifying so you're doing better than me already

geordieminx · 15/04/2008 15:56

SK - Hope you are ok... we are off on hols the day after tomorrow otherwise we could have had wee meet-up or something.

Weather is supposed to be beaut tomorrow too - maybe plan something even if its awee trip to chatleraut or a garden centre or something - things always seem easier if they are planned?

francagoestohollywood · 15/04/2008 15:57

Don't feel guilty. I am terrified of driving and guess what? I haven't been driving for more than 10 yrs. My mum still makes me feel guilty about it. At least you are forcing yourself to drive.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 16:00

Thanks for your replies means a lot. I drive every day because I have to take DD1 to nursery usually, then DD2 to toddlers or music group or we go shopping. Never go anywhere else it freaks me out.

I don't know if it really is driving or as I'm already nervous of driving my anxiety comes out more. Some days like today I just want to hide away.

OP posts:

Original poster

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 16:01

geordie - thanks I have lived here nearly 3 years and have never been to Chatelheraut thats terrible isn't it, I just couldn't drive there.

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:02

SK- hi

Have you told your MW that you are feeling pants lately? I went through a down stage (again) in this pg and mine had lots of ideas/help for me.

I think you need to get some childcare for your dc - to give you some breathing space.

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:02

oh you are the total other end of the country for a meet up with me, lol!

Original poster

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 16:05

I think you will have enough to do very soon scorpio

I feel so bad as I wanted this baby so much and now it's making me feel so miserable.

OP posts:

Janni · 15/04/2008 16:06

On days like this, think of the easiest thing you can do with them that will make you feel you've 'done something'. It could be a walk to the shop, making some biscuits,
reading stories, making a den. Or get them to draw pictures for the new baby. You do NOT have to do great things with kids each day to be a good mum. Sometimes just coming up with an idea for something they can do themselves is good.

And kids love it when mum snuggles up and watches TV with them.

Hope you feel better soon xx

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:08

it will make you feel miserable if you already have alot on your plate

Can your dh get some time off? can you go away, stay with your mum or something somewhere?

What about homestart? or ring a local college - lots of their students will need home placements.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 16:12

DP has got Friday off he's in a new role at work and is out the house 6.30-6.30 and works at night when DDs are in bed.

Don't get on with my Mum am an hour away from my family they are completely useless though would never offer any help. My Mum hasn't seen the DDs in 2 1/2 months.

Am going to speak to HV (don't have a clue who she is or anything) about getting DD2 into DD1's nursery even 2 mornings a week, think it would be good for her and me.

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:12

Sorry for stupidness but can you not just ask nursery direct? Sounds liek a very good plan though.

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:13

and on Friday you are to go out ALONE. go swimming, hair done, etc. or just sit in a cafe with book.

IndigoMoon · 15/04/2008 16:16

dd watched a looooooooooooooooot of tv when i was pregnant. some days i just could not get anywhere but she was loved , clean, fed and seems to have suffered no ill effects.

bogwitch · 15/04/2008 16:29

Just wanted to add that reflexology worked really well for me when I had SPD. I was a complete sceptic about it too, but couldn't believe the difference it made.
Perhaps contact your local college and offer yourself as a guinea pig, or even for just a normal massage, they will probably jump at you being pregnant (they need lots of different types of people to practise on) - might make you want to drive then too if you know you are going somewhere and doing something for yourself to maybe make you feel better.

I do feel for you. Definately get some time to yourself - it's so important when you have dcs.

Original poster

sweetkitty · 15/04/2008 16:32

scorpio - DD1's nursery is council run they have a toddler room but it is social worker/HV referrals only I have asked and said I would pay etc but unless a HV refers you they won't take her. She doesn't go officially until Easter next year. I could pay for a private one but the nearest is the other end of town so driving from one end of time to the other (even if I was confident at driving) would make life more difficult.

i just feel so stupid and pathetic today

OP posts:

wingandprayer · 15/04/2008 16:43

Hello. Really feel for you, I had similar problems with first pg, and SPD with second so know how you feel and is not nice. Agree with Scorpio - talk to you MW or GP - I did and got referred for some ante-natal counselling which really helped get me back on track.

Anxiety perfectly normal emotion, but not when it ruling your life. I know it's hard but try to remeber they are just negative, groundless thoughts. Focus on positives - you are a capable driver, you get your kids around safely and have done for years, allow yourself extra time to do any driving so can be calm as possible, play your favourite music while doing so, build confidence slowly, be proud of these small achievements, focus on them. In the meantime afternoons on the sofa are great, the kids will be happy just having lots of time with mummy and it will be a real luxury once no. 3 turns up!

scorpio1 · 15/04/2008 16:52

well asking is a good step forward, i'm sure they will help

geordieminx · 15/04/2008 17:12

SK - email me [email protected]

We can arrange a meet up for when I get back from hols.

I dont think you are far from me - uddy?

geordieminx · 15/04/2008 17:15

that'll be hotmail of course

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