Should I tell him his actions caused my depression?

[lolit]

I was a lodger and became friendly with my landlord/housemate, even being a listening ear for his relationship troubles and took his dogs on walks and dogsat for him.

On my birthday he sent me a very formal text saying he needs me to move out because his friends asked him if they can move in. So I spent my birthday crying over this. Maybe people won't understand why this made me feel like this, but the best way I can explain is that someone who I thought was my friend acted like I was nothing and just wanted me to get out of the way so his friends lives can be more comfortable (their work is close to his house).

Anyway, I moved out and left some of my stuff there because on the weekend I was supposed to move out I was going on holiday so did not have time to carry everything over. And ever since then he has been messaging me to ask when I will come get my stuff, but frankly I have been so depressed since moving that I lost my job, I'm on anti-depressants and can barely do anything. I really did try to get myself to go and get my stuff but I failed, so I finally just responded simply asking him to throw my stuff away.

He is now messaging me asking if I'm okay and saying he can bring the stuff over. I don't know whether to just ignore him or respond and be honest about being depressed and why. I don't really see what being honest achieves, he will probably apologise, but it's not like apologising will change anything.

If you were in my situation would you reply to his texts or ignore them?

YABU. You shouldn't have given him this much head space.

YABU and he is being very patient asking you nicely to come and get your stuff.

You are acting like this is a break up. I don't think you can hold him responsible, this is a very extreme reaction on your side. Are you being treated for your depression? O hope things turn around for you soon.

I asked and he said it was fine, I didn't mention it in my op because I didn't want to make the post too long

He didn’t cause your depression. He is allowed to ask you to move out. You are allowed to move but only you are responsible for how you feel about it. It is normal for housemates to chat and converse. It doesn’t mean he “owed” you a permanent residency there. If you can’t get your stuff ask him politely to drop it off. Then seriously consider counselling because it sounds like the issue is much more how much value you place on friendships (or what you perceive as friendships) and a very severe reaction to what you perceive as rejection.

His actions didn't cause your depression. Hope you manage to get treatment and feel better soon.

Your former landlord really hasn't done anything wrong. Just go get your stuff

I’m sorry OP but you’re being very unreasonable here, and he hasn’t done a single thing wrong so it’s unfair to say he “caused” your depression. You were a lodger, he asked you to move out, it’s as simple as that.

I’m sorry you’re struggling but that isn’t his fault or responsibility, get your things and move on from this.

I tried getting my stuff but I have a breakdown when I leave the house

When I try to leave the house*

Are you seeing a Dr OP? This is a very, very extreme reaction.

Please talk to someone if you're not already

I suspect this breakdown and bout of depression didn't happen out of the blue. Have you been honest with your doctor about the way you are feeling?

OP is there a huge backstory of abandonment? Because this is an extreme reaction to a very normal situation.

In short, yes. I just didn't want to go on about it in the post because it would make it 100x times longer and because I just wanted advice on whether to ignore his messages or not

I hope you are feeling okay. Please ignore any posters who are not trying to be supportive. You have posted in Mental Health so I’m not sure why some pp are responding as if this is AIBU.

In your place I would reply and ask your ex LL to bring your stuff round, but I wouldn’t get into any conversation with him about what has happened.

Are you getting any support other than medication?

It's very mean to imply I would threaten his safety, I was literally friendly and being a listening ear up until moving out despite being depressed over this.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low but his actions didn't cause this and you can't lay it at his door. He was your landlord and asked you to leave for a fair enough reason, especially as a lodger arrangement has fewer rights than a tenant. Everything else - crying on your birthday, losing your job, this business with your belongings - is not because of him. It's your depression and i hope you're getting help for it. Focusing on him won't help.

@Parisseb please stop. This is the Mental Health board for people to get support with their mental health.

In the nicest possible way he didn't cause your depression and it would be unfair of you to even think about saying that to him.

Something else is underlying this and if you look carefully at what could be the other side of the coin is perhaps he thought you were getting too close maybe and on discussion or thinking about it perhaps he's thought it was best that you leave, so you see perhaps you may have unwittingly caused some anxiety for him. How unfair would you think it if he said to you, I know you think we've become friends but you e become too close and I'm uncomfortable. You'd feel awful. So please don't say that to him.

Please see your GP, you need someone to talk to and perhaps some counselling.

Be kind to yourself and others OP and I hope you get well soon