Lightbulb moment - Borderline personality disorder

[MunchingCeleryAlone]

After over 30 years of feeling different, not fitting in, isolated and being emotionally volatile and unstable; I think I'm highly likely to be 'Borderline Personality Disorder'.

I had a lightbulb moment a few days ago whilst doing yet another Google search for help with my painful, lonely and dysfunctional life - All of my symptoms, behaviours, instability, volatile mood swings and outbursts match with those descriptions for Borderline personality disorders.

It's sort of a relief to find this information, but also a hideous shame and terrifying to know that I should go to my GP for formal confirmation and help.

I've frantically read tons of stuff over the last few days, ordered self help books (waiting for delivery) and basically sobbed with a mixture of shame, worry and realisation that it's highly likely I have a serious issue.

I can't bear the thought of this likely diagnosis being put on my records, but realistically know that if I'm to finally get help with this agony then I have to speak with professionals.

Is anybody on here with a confirmed diagnosis or has experience of someone who has Borderline personality disorder?

What help / treatment did you or they get - does anything work/ help?

All help, support, information or guidance will be greatly appreciated.

First stop is your GP who can refer you to your local mental health team. From there you will be assessed and then a decision will be made on which other professionals you would need to see. As others have said, only a psychiatrist can diagnose personality disorders. The NHS treatment for BPD is therapy, CBT and DBT. My son has a diagnosis of ADHD and BPD but we had to get both of these privately and then he was referred through the NHS after a crisis. We are fortunate that our local NHS has a personality disorder unit and he receives weekly DBT group therapy there, as well as 1-2-1 CBT, but it was a years wait.
Don’t let the wait times put you off, you deserve to have a diagnosis and treatment and I wish you the best

BPD is a made up term by psychiatrists who don’t know what to do with women who most of the time have autism/ RSD and don’t fit typical patternss as they often mask.
its an appalling term and in future years will be gone
please look at autism and rsd in women - you have many symptoms and don’t allow someone to give you a made up label

99% of the women I see with bpd are neurodivergent usually with trauma as a result of not knowing this and adverse childhood experiences

BPD isn't always autism, that's a sweeping generalisation.

OP the diagnosis of BPD usually comes after significant childhood trauma. ASD is a neurodiversity, so something you would be born with.

I can relate to this OP. I've been referred to a psychiatrist just this week. Even privately the waiting time is 3 to 4 months.

The GP put on the referral suspected EUPD as I self-harm a lot. I've read up on it now and I fit the criteria for quiet or high functioning EUPD to a T.

I guess I'll find out in October, when I go to the appointment. Good luck to you.

It isn't always. But I've met a lot of people like me, who were "different" as children and have ND family members, and did not suffer significant trauma in childhood. With that "profile", for want of a better word, it's more likely to be an ND than BPD imho. I had psychiatrists say I must be withholding info as they couldn't believe I hadn't been subject to significant childhood abuse.

The term 'borderline' isn't a made up term by psychiatrists. Otto Kernberg - an analyst and psychiatrist - describes borderline personality organisation as such because it's quite literally on the borderline between neurotic and psychotic - in analytic terms - not quite mad and definitely not bad, but at times very very sad, and as such does present as a cluster of reactions and responses that cause the sufferer immense difficulty. It's not something to dismiss.

Unfortunately it seems to have become synonymous in the NHS with 'difficult to deal with' largely because of para suicidal behaviour and splitting, which are indeed difficult for the people around them.

There is a historical level in that many women who suffered awful trauma - originally treated by Freud et al in the French hospital in Paris - La Salpetriere - were labelled hysterical and 'caused trouble' for those around them, husbands, family, and this has continued - undoubtedly a feminist issue. Some of these women were very much helped with talking therapy - talking about their traumas helped them. This presentation, arguably a PTSD type presentation, via psychoanalysts, lots of whom used to be psychiatrists, became the BPD/EUPD we have today.

People with this difficulty have a terrible time with simultaneously desperately needing people but being horribly distrustful. And they struggle with really knowing who they are. Splitting can really only be described as an affliction that makes relationships challenging, if not impossible.

For some, it is without doubt quite a specific set of difficulties that for some clinicians - Kernberg, Judith Herman, have made it part of their life's work, to treat. Kernberg focuses very much on the splitting. Herman treats it as a political and socially systemic issue, because the violence that often causes BPD, largely against women and girls, is steeped in a context that is ultimately sexist and enabled by patriarchal systems,but ultimately for her it's cPTSD or PTSD.

OP I really hope you find a way forward.

After all of these helpful & encouraging responses, continued reading up, educating myself and desperately wanting to end the misery I endure; I took the bull by the horns and phoned for a GP appointment today.
No face to face appointments were available, but I've just got off the phone after a full, honest and helpful chat with my doctor - I explained my behaviours, symptoms, feelings and suspicions about my poor mental health (without proclaiming or self diagnosing as BPD, RSD, ASD or ADHD) - he advised that it could be one or two conditions or even 2 combined, and that I would to be referred to the practice's internal MH team.
Apparently, the practice internal team have a short waiting period of 2-4 weeks and can offer short courses of various talking therapies for different conditions.
Should the practice specialists feel that further 'work', diagnosis or medication is necessary; then they can further refer to psychiatry department.

I'm so miserable and lonely living the way I do and I'm so worried about being labeled, but if I don't get formal help now then I know the misery will get worse.

Hopefully my 'lightbulb moment' along with the MNs insight and support will go some way to finding a way to cope & deal with the instability, misery and emotional pain I've suffered for so many years 🤞.

Thanks - this is really insightful.

Thank you and good luck to you too 😘.

I had a telephone consultation with my GP today and he's referring me to the practice's internal 'specialist team' for mental health.

What's your concern about being labelled? How is it going to make your life worse, if you have it written in your medical record?

I'm not asking you to challenge you; I'm asking to make sure that you're not barring yourself from getting help due to being afraid of something that won't actually happen.

OP I spoke to a therapist about BPD a couple of years ago. Many with BPD don’t get diagnosed correctly as one of the symptoms of the condition is being unable to recognise that there is something ‘wrong’ and therefore not presenting to medical professionals trying to help them. You recognise that something needs to change and are reaching out for help. It sounds cliche but it’s true - that’s half the battle.

As someone else said, BPD is brought on by trauma. Is there anything that may have triggered it?

I don't feel challenged by your post - The 'labelling' concern is silly & irrational I know 🙈!
I suppose it's some kind of self-imposed stigma and shame.
These internal conflicts and turmoil are completely irrational and yet more negative feelings.
My medical records are confidential I know - if I'm to get the help I need, a professional diagnosis is necessary.
I need and want help, so if I do get a diagnosis / label of a condition, then it will ultimately lead to the help I need.

That is a an encouraging update. I hope the MH team at your surgery can help and signpost you to things that will benefit.

It really is worth looking up DBT resources online. Yes, it is a therapy geared towards BPD, but it is hugely helpful for everyone else too.

These internal conflicts and turmoil are completely irrational and yet more negative feelings

They won't be irrational. There'll be rational reasons for them; you just haven't identified them yet. Once you do, you'll feel much better.

Labels are good. Otherwise how would you know you were buying the right herbs in Sainsbury's? But on a serious note, a label for this would be proof that you are focusing on learning about yourself, to better your life. Is there any way you can reframe your negative perception of a label? It's not who you are; it's just a signpost to the most appropriate self care.

People with this difficulty have a terrible time with simultaneously desperately needing people but being horribly distrustful. And they struggle with really knowing who they are.

You have worded this so well - more succinctly and accurately than I could have - thank you.

I'm completely alone in the world with no immediate family (several estrangements and NC situations that genuinely aren't my fault) and no friends (me being dysfunctional, abandoned, unable to maintain relationships and moving/ running away a lot).

I yearn for friendship, company and acceptance, but don't have a clue how to go about it or be the type of person anyone would want to be around.

I know the intervention & help I've finally reached for won't be a magic wand or a quick fix, but at least I have reached out and made a start on addressing stuff.

I think that's right @MunchingCeleryAlone , it might take some time. Otto Kernberg and Frank Yeomans on YouTube might be a resource that you find useful

How are you doing now @MunchingCeleryAlone ?
Did you get the help you wanted.
I have a relative who I suspect has Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.
I'm hoping they will get the help they need. They don't live in the UK.

Thanks so much for asking (and everyone who gave me such good advice).
As instructed, I got a GP appointment (phone consultation) and explained what I had been experiencing and my suspicions.
GP referred me to the 'in surgery MH team' who in turn have referred me to Social Prescribing and local NHS self help online courses.
At my last consultation with the MH practitioner, I was firm in asking for a psychiatrist referral in order to get a diagnosis and correct therapy.
I now have an appointment to consult with GP who needs to refer me!
I've gone round in circles with the MH Team, but felt that I had to allow them to tick the boxes and follow the protocol.
I've done a huge amount of reading and research and feel that I now have a better understanding of my issues and why I've been behaving this way for the last few years.
Weirdly, I feel more positive now as I am starting to understand that I'm not broken but just have a skewed way of thinking sometimes.
My isolated and desolate existence continues, but I'm hopeful that with the social prescribing and new insights, I can start to build social contacts and activities.
X

Thank you for replying @MunchingCeleryAlone.
I do hope you get the help you need.

OP, I could have written your posts. Here to hold your hand.

@deeahgwitch
Thanks so much for your kind words and earlier advice 😍.
Quick update for you:
After another consultation with a different GP within the practice, he agreed to refer me to a psychiatrist in order to receive a diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
The GP kindly called today after speaking and emailing with a consultant psychiatrist - I am now referred and am waiting for my 1st appointment with the consultant (should be around 4 weeks wait).
I'm still reading everything I can get my hands on to help myself and am still feeling positive that there is finally a little glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel 🙏.

@Roodedado
Thanks for the message and kind offer.
So ...... You have a similar story, but have received a diagnosis now?
Have you had treatment or has it been all self help?
I hope you're well and coping with it all?
X

@Mumof381 I hope you're well and managed to see the Psychiatrist?
Have you received a diagnosis and any sort of recommendation for treatments?
X

I have BPD and was diagnosed with it five years ago. Talking therapies are recommended, but unfortunately, they’re not something I can easily afford, and EMDR therapy is also quite expensive. I've been on antidepressants for 15 years, though my dosage was adjusted. I went through horrific childhood abuse and abandonment, and because of that, I often feel like I can't find any sense of calm. It's like I don’t fit in my own body. Relationships have always been challenging and unstable for me. It's a tough diagnosis, but I believe there’s no shame in having it on your record. Wishing you all the best.

Following as I identify wjth all of your feelings. I think I am asd adhd (already have adhd diagnosis). And huge RSD. I completely lose the plot when rejected and push people away. Very very depressed and sad right now and still waiting on a mental health referral after months and months. I'm glad your GP is so proactive and you don't have to wait long. Which area of the UK are you in?