Lightbulb moment - Borderline personality disorder

[MunchingCeleryAlone]

After over 30 years of feeling different, not fitting in, isolated and being emotionally volatile and unstable; I think I'm highly likely to be 'Borderline Personality Disorder'.

I had a lightbulb moment a few days ago whilst doing yet another Google search for help with my painful, lonely and dysfunctional life - All of my symptoms, behaviours, instability, volatile mood swings and outbursts match with those descriptions for Borderline personality disorders.

It's sort of a relief to find this information, but also a hideous shame and terrifying to know that I should go to my GP for formal confirmation and help.

I've frantically read tons of stuff over the last few days, ordered self help books (waiting for delivery) and basically sobbed with a mixture of shame, worry and realisation that it's highly likely I have a serious issue.

I can't bear the thought of this likely diagnosis being put on my records, but realistically know that if I'm to finally get help with this agony then I have to speak with professionals.

Is anybody on here with a confirmed diagnosis or has experience of someone who has Borderline personality disorder?

What help / treatment did you or they get - does anything work/ help?

All help, support, information or guidance will be greatly appreciated.

Can you afford to go private and get into therapy?

Unfortunately not - private therapy isn't an option due to £.
I can't seem to hold down a job for long (common symptom apparently) and have been getting by for the last few years on inheritance money and intermittent earnings.

You could perhaps see what is available in your area on the NHS. Mentalisation based therapy, dialectical behaviour therapy, CBT for trauma can sometimes help as those with Borderline Personality Disorder/EUPD now (emotionally unstable personality disorder) often have early trauma - relational or otherwise. Psychodynamic therapy is also sometimes offered. It's not really one size fits all.

I was given this diagnosis when I was 19. I have an ND parent, 1 diagnosed ND child and another waiting for assessment. I think it's a label given to women who actually have ADHD/ASD and/or have experienced trauma.

Edited to add: I don't think I would fit the diagnosis now, around 20 years later. But I have crafted a life that works for me as a probably ND person and am not nearly so stressed (most of the time).

Or... You're autistic OP. Too many girls are diagnosed with EUPD and BPD when they're actually autistic.

Judith Herman Trauma and Recovery makes this point @Apppple. Excellent book.

I would also suspect autism op.
BPD is a very common misdiagnosis, and sadly can be an unhelpful diagnosis longterm, often used to blame rather than help.

In terms of therapy I’d see if there is DBT available through the NHS near you, that can have good results, better than CBT or psychotherapy.

I've read about the different therapies available and have ordered several self-help & DBT books.

Can I really help myself or is it best to get professional diagnosis and referral to services?

I'm worried to death about going to the GP for diagnosis and the stigma (self imposed shame and being formally labeled for all eternity).

I have lived an increasingly isolated, lonely and painful life - I'm desperate for help, but also very worried and scared about the realisation of this.

I sometimes wonder if I have this due to CPTSD. What are the behaviours, you are concerned about? What makes you think you have BPD? What do you struggle with?

Several of my main symptoms & behaviours:
Can't maintain relationships with family or friends - push them away for real / perceived criticism.
Incredibly lonely & isolated for over 30 years.
Feel different to others.
Fear or rejection and abandoned.
Over react to slightest criticism.
Extreme outbursts and over reacting to rejection (real or perceived).
Can't hold down regular employment.
Extreme mood swings over short periods of time.
Several suicide attempts since early twenties.
Longing for company and friendship but frightened of either being found out / hurting others.

I don't know why it's taken me so long to match all of these behaviours with BPD / UED as I've used Google as my only friend and support for years now.

Could be ADHD with rejection sensitivity. Sorry you've had such a hard time.

Also you should track your moods across your menstrual cycle. I'm pretty sure I have adhd but I'm also affected by my hormones, especially now in perimenopause.

Far more likely to be autism

Your traits match my DD’s, she has ASD/ADHD.

Rejection sensitive disorder is very common in women with ADHD, there’s a short article here about it.

I think it’s possible to use books and strategies to help yourself. I have a lovely friend who was misdiagnosed as BPD but managed to drop that once diagnosed as ASD, and since then she’s found it easier to find and implement strategies that help, and has found it easier to access therapy through the NHS.

Looking back on my early life I had a few symptoms/ behaviours associated with BPD, but for the last 12 years it's become more extreme and unbearably painful for the last 5 years.

Why is Autism / adhd being suggested - what's the difference between them all and why are these conditions so commonly linked / misdiagnosed?

ADHD and ASD women are for more likely to suffer with PMDD.

I was diagnosed with BPD turns out I'm ASD/ADHD and now through the menopause suffered with PMDD 🤬 if only I had got the help I had actually needed instead of wrong diagnosis plastered across my medical notes.

A GP wont be able to diagnose BPD, and even if you do get a diagnosis, it does not mean you will get any help.
I know several people who were assessed, given the BDP diagnosis, and then just discharged back to their GP with no help whatsoever. it is still very much a diagnosis used to move "difficult" patients out of MH services.

I second the suggestions about being assessed for ASD and ADHD. Many women get dumped off with a BPD label, when they are actually ND (that is not to say you can't have comorbity of BPD too).

Why is Autism / adhd being suggested - what's the difference between them all and why are these conditions so commonly linked / misdiagnosed?

Because we've all been there in some form and have the experience.

Look into ASD and ADHD with rejection sensitivity. It's so common for girls to be misdiagnosed with EUPD/BPD. It's outrageous.

Have you read the link above about Rejection sensitive dysphoria?

Very simply put it’s when your caregiver was frightening but also your safe base which makes it impossible to reconcile so you split. So at its root is childhood trauma. Labels can be helpful pointers. Carolyn Spring writes very well on this subject and has a ton of free resources on her website

Thank you 😘.
If and when I pluck up the courage to go to the GP, I'll mention ASD / ADHD assessment and not announce my own Google diagnosis 😉.

I have - yes.
Really interesting and I've saved the Website address for more reading and insights

Thank you for your message - the information and insight is really appreciated.
This sounds nuts (even to me), but speaking to others about this here on MN in such a short time frame is already calming me and making me feel less freaked out by it all.

Only a doctor can diagnose, your GP would be able to refer you to an NHS Psychiatrist / Psychologist.

Women are frequently misdiagnosed with mental health problems when they are actually neurodiverse or have severe hormonal swings, especially in perimenopause. Often girls and women successfully mask and develop coping mechanisms to live with conditions like adhd, and are better than boys and men at doing this, but it comes at a cost, e.g. not achieving their potential, being stressed and unhappy, stuck in poor situations whether that's work or relationships. I recognise a tendency towards rejection sensitivity in myself, especially when my hormones are unbalanced, more noticeable in perimenopause. I can read far too much into what other people say.