I don’t want to be here anymore
Every day is a fight. Every day is a struggle. Every day I am told that what I do is t good enough.
My husband gas lights me. My daughter steals from me, hits me and throws things at me.
If I say I can’t cope my husband points out that he owns the house, I only work part time and that if I want more of a say I should work harder.
I would love to, but I’ve got a chronic illness that gets in the way. I’ve nearly died 3 times in the 20+ years we’ve been together.
If I had the earning capacity id be gone. I can’t live like this endlessly.
I pay all insurances and food bills, fund most of the holidays and pay for our daughter’s hobbies.
I feel broken. I am broken.
If I go away for a weekend I’m told how much nicer and calmer it is if I’m not there (reader he sets no boundaries and it’s a free for all when I’m away)
In short. I hate my life.
I’d quite happily not be here, there enough prescription meds for me to make that happen.
But I won’t. I’ll carry on. Hating life. Wishing I were stronger.
There is no unreasonable in this. Just a pouring of words and feelings.
I’m saving, slowly and I will leave. And I will be me again.