EvenMyWashingMachineCommittedSuicide ·
14/06/2024 21:01
I'm off sick with stress after becoming suicidal at work and am trying to apply for a different job. I went for informal chat with the recruiter and he told me to use the covering letter to say why I want the job and use my CV to show my skills match. This stops me from using previous letters I've written as templates. Closing date is Monday.
All I keep doing is staring at the screen at the seven short list items I made. I can't figure out how to turn them into a letter. I'm late-diagnosed autistic and have never been able to write essays at school, was taken out of English Lit because I was going to fail it even though I got As in Maths and the three sciences.
I'm still suicidal, keep thinking of jumping under trains (train drivers who want to berate me for selfishness needn't bother because you won't be decreasing my chances of doing so), but I just don't have time to be mentally ill right now because I need to write this application. But I can't get past it, keep bursting into tears, have even gone completely numb for DCat who, in normal times, I dote on. And other stuff keeps going wrong: my username isn't a joke, my washer actually broke down today.
My family, I'm either estranged or 200+ miles from, and they don't understand me anyway, so I can't ask them for help.
I need this job because my current job will leave me dead, but I just can't write the fucking letter. I can't remember what I talked about with to the recruiter bar what I already mentioned. The only answer I have right now to "why do you want this job?" is "it's not my current one", but five days ago I had reasons, I just can't remember them.