To not be able to cope

[Zombieof3]

I can’t do this, I’m finding it really difficult.
My partner has just gone back to work and is working a lot at the moment and we can’t afford to not have him working but I have long days with the kids and I’m exhausted. I work full time myself and I’m feeling really burned out.

Today I had planned to clean my house as it’s in desperate need for it but how do I do that when I have three kids and my youngest two just argue constantly. It doesn’t help I’m not very well either and I’ve got the house to sort out, loads of washing to do for uniforms and to bath all the kids and myself.

to everyone else this is just life and yet I can’t do it. I’m sat in the kitchen trying to hide my crying from the kids as all they’re doing is arguing and fighting. How do I do this, how do people do this? Why am I so crap at being a human or am I just lazy

Hugs OP. Its rough being a parent! Especially working. I have dc. I work from home and as a result of our work being a family business. My DH is out worming 7 days a week. It's rough as fuck. But ad they get older the challenges change and certain things easier.

Does the budget stretch to a cleaner once a week? Can you get out and see friends. Take them to the park to burn some steam?

Sorry, I know its hard especially when the house work has built up.

How old are the older ones? Can they be firmly put in their rooms alone unless told they have to behave? Get them playing with the 2 year so you can get something done.

Start small, deal with the most pressing house need. You can't do it all.

Hugs xx

There’s nothing spare at all in the budget, we’re currently working with citizens advice as our debt got out of hand, so no money whatsoever unfortunately.

I know that I can’t do it all but at the same time, I feel like I don’t have a choice as I’m in work Monday to Friday and don’t get home until six where I’m then rushing dinner and bedtime so no cleaning will be done after work.

im finding this so hard, I’ve managed to settle the kids a bit but it won’t be long till they start screaming at each other again. I just don’t feel like I can do this, I just give up. It didn’t help that I thought DH was off work tomorrow so I would have had help but turns out he’s working until 11pm tonight. I feel so rubbish and don’t know who to turn too xx

I get it. My house builds up then I have a week of decluttering and cleaning. Can you get a routine in place for the basics?

I did a huge clear put the other day. It helps. Every 6 months I do it. It's not the cure but helps.

You are not crap at being a human. Your kids need to shape up and behave themselves. Get them helping with the chores. And extra chores if they keep up with their nonsense.

We’ve been really trying to keep to a routine but then it went out the window when my partner was unwell and I was trying to pick up the slack but it clearly didn’t work. I’ll try and find some time for a clear out but I’m not sure how tbh. I work Monday to Fridays and my partner is a chef and works nearly every day and the days he doesn’t, I’m usually in work.

im just going to focus on getting the kitchen clean and the uniforms done and the rest can be left because I can’t do it. I’m so close to just ringing my partner and begging him to come home but I know that’s silly and I can’t do that, I’ve just got to suck it up but I don’t know how to without having a breakdown in front of the kids

They definitely need to help more and they just don’t. I’m going to implementing a chores list and they won’t have any screen time until it’s done because I’m actually sick to death of doing absolutely everything

Just sending a hug. It’ll get better over time. But for now, hold on tight and cut yourself as much slack as possible. A messy house isn’t a failing under your circumstances, it’s a given.

☕️🌻

Oh OP it's rough when you're in it and feeling un well and having money worries will just make things feel more unmanageable at times. I know for me if I'm not feeling well it makes everything 10xharder and I'm less resilient.

You don't say how old your DC, if they're little can you make cleaning into a game? I used to throw washing down the stairs at mine in bits and then count and they had so many seconds to get it in the kitchen. Play can you find the (insert whatever age appropriate thing would help...red school jumper/cup etc). My 18month old will follow with a clean cloth and pretend to dust when I am.

If they're older try no screens before double digits. We had a no screen time before 10am and that was when they had to clean their rooms.

Remember little and often will get through everything. You're not failing, you're not crap you're human and doing your best! Try be kind to you.

Ahhh are you me?

We own restaurants. So I get the hours. Its shit! And never ending. Just do the best you can. My house is a tip most of the time. You just roll with it and do what you can x

Oh just to add as the older 3 got older - early teens they had to do chores to have access to the Internet. We're with BT so you can isolate devices and their connection. It was impressive how quickly they helped out when the xbox wouldn't connect online!

How old are they? If under teenage years, they don’t need screens anyway!

How old are the children?

Thank you everyone, it’s just so tough. All of me wants me to just ask DH to come home because I can’t cope but knowing that I can’t do that makes me feels so stuck and isolated.

My kids are age 6,8 and 12 but I’m not in the right place to discuss getting rid of screens. Is it lazy parenting? Absolutely but I can’t do the basics right now let alone anything else.

im just feeling really incredibly low, I don’t know how to get through today at all.

Fair play, you get my respect. I couldn’t never do it, my partner works so hard and he doesn’t own it, just a chef so god knows how you do it x

When my son was preschool age and I needed to get things done, we would play the colours game. If I was tidying the kitchen I would say to him "bring me one of your toys that has blue on it" for example, and off he would go and then come back with the right colour to lots of praise. He loved this game and it certainly kept him amused.

There were only two rules, no running and only allowed to show me his toys. (Didn't want him carrying ornaments etc).

With older children you can use letters instead of colours.

Well I understand you. Unfortuantly I jointly own them and I do the admin/stock/bookings/SM/websites etc. All the boring things! But it pays the bills... just...Never ending isn't it!

Oh and to add. I regularly feel how you feel. It's a roller coaster of emotions.

The children are definitely old enough then to be given a few little chores of their own. They might quite like it. My 8 yo loves helping out. The 11 yo not so much but he does do his chores regardless.

Sorry things are so tough. Full time work for both parents plus kids and a house to run is hard as it is. The money worries will just be adding to the stress. It's great that you are getting advice for that.

For today, just do the uniforms and kitchen as you suggest.

Then, I would start by making a realistic list for this week. Not big things you can't do, but even just small things.

For example:
Monday - hoover lounge.
Tuesday - wipe down the sink and toilet.

And so on. Get the 12 year old helping - they are plenty old enough.

The younger 2 can do simple things like putting their toys away at the end of the day.

No one goes on screens until it's done.

Is there anyone who you could ask to help for a bit (who wouldn't charge) like a mum/friend/sibling? Don't be embarrassed- just ask them.

I’m not going to lie, I’m feeling really suicidal. I won’t act on it because I want to see my kids grow up but right now it’s so fucking tough. My youngest is asd and is having constant meltdowns at the moment and I’m at breaking point. I feel both unwell mentally and physically. I’ve only managed to put the dishwasher on and the washing machine and I’m so wiped out. I still have so much to do and I just want to go to bed and sob. I’ll ring the gp in the morning to explain my mental health is massively dipping but I’ve been on so many different medications I don’t think there is much more they can do

You need your partner to book a good 2 weeks off. For both your sake.

He hasn’t long started there, I doubt he even has annual leave but I will ask as I can’t cope right now.

If he can’t get it off, I will try but then I’ll be stuck at home so not sure if that will help

Or if you can both get a couple of days off at the same time or half a week each. Tackle half the house each, when the kids are in school. Implement a chores chart and a family routine where possible