To go no contact with PIL

[ZippySeal]

Drama started when I got pregnant. I had pre natal depression and had a hard time coming to terms I was going to have a baby, the baby was wanted but I needed time to work that out with my partner in my own time and I let everyone know that.
Because of that I had a breakdown when my mil bought cakes and a gift basket for me 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, but my partner explained my situation to them and they understood.
After that I told my partner I wanted to keep the ultrasound between us until I felt ready to share as I found to get my head around straight away. Partner explained to pil who said they had be waiting all day for the photo and were upset that I wouldn't give it to them, they said I was cutting them out even though I explained my reasoning.
After this I told everyone in the family not to buy any clothes, mil rings dp and cried down the phone to be later rung back with fil calling me manipulative for making my partner do things my way ( my partner didn't mind and understood my situation).
Consistently everytime I saw her she mentioned the pregnancy, asking me questions and getting drunk and making comments after we both have said copious amounts of times I don't want to discuss it. Partner messaged her loads and said it in person but she still didn't stop. She said my baby was craving kfc when I was eating a kfc, I told her right there and then I'd rather not discuss it to which she cried and told dp I was being rude.
I told everyone the same thing, no favouritism and everyone except them was accepting. I said once he's born I'm not stopping anyone seeing him and I want it to be happy families but atm I want privacy and for my boundaries to be accepted.
After baby born it was all fine and I had to accept I wasn't going to get an apology from them and that I should just move on for my partners sake. We'll they've been spam calling me every time baby goes to gp for reflux because she wants information and is worrying for his health and said he might have a genetic disorder based on him crying all the time, i told her this wasnt good for mt anxiety and i wasnt happy and she kept on about not caring it caused me stress as a ftm. I'm angry and they don't get why so I told her where to go and to f off. I've had enough they're never wrong and never accept any criticism or boundaries. I've gone no contact now, allowing them to see baby with me present but we won't be talking to each other. Fil doesn't want to talk to me again either apparently.
Basically aibu to just not talk or involve myself with them again.

Hi zippy. Im sure this is very hard for you. I feel like perhaps pil are trying to be kind and perhaps a bit excited is this the 1st grandchild by any chance? I know how all the hormones/anxiety can take over. But now that your feeling a bit better. Do you think you could go over and say "look I'm sorry I didn't want to fall out I was finding things very hard and you did seem to be pushing...we can agree to disagree on that but for the sake of the new baby can we put it all behind us" you might be glad of the support OP. X

I think we're all struggling to understand your behaviour & why you' needed time to come to terms with a much wanted pregnancy. It's not normal behaviour which is why we're all thinking there's something else going on.

So you've decided to isolate yourself from people generally particularly if they ask about the pregnancy. Are you sure you are ready to be a parent?

Please talk to someone about what you are feeling now. Really important. And those who are being unkind about someone who is suffering from depression, back off. Pre and post natal depression is horrible to deal with for the person suffering. OP I hope you feel better soon and talk to someone about how you are feeling…partner, friend, Samaritans.

If you're threatening suicide due to a thread then you really are very unwell.

You should tell your husband you're feeling that way and seek medical support urgently.

If your threat was just some weird attempt to manipulate the thread then, well, that's still abnormal behaviour.

Please call a friend, the Samaritans or speak to your DH. No one on here can possibly understand how bad your pre-natal anxiety was, so don't take what people have said on here to heart. You are struggling - reach out to your loved ones or the Samaritans now please.

@ZippySeal I hope this means you're leaving this thread, but if not - please tell someone how you're feeling.

You have a gorgeous little baby who needs you right now. Ignore your PIL, focus on your baby and your husband. Take some time and do what you have to do; reach out and get some support from those people who listen to what you need.

Please look after yourself.

This.

FFS people, have none of you ever experienced depression? It screws with your mind. The OP wasn't asking much, just for some support. Everyone else in her life managed to cope but her PIL decided that they were too bloody special.

It may have been only little things but they knew that each and every one of their behaviours was going to upset the OP. Even if they didn't, decent people would have backed off once it was explained to them. They chose not to. For the sake of her mental health the OP is absolutely right to go NC. Maybe, once she's feeling stronger, she can change her mind, but until then, NC.

Hi all,
We have moved the thread to MH, which not only seems more appropriate for this thread but is also what the Samaritans recommend that we do. Go gently, everyone, it's not AIBU any more.

What a mean, unkind comment. The PIL have not been at all concerned about their DIL's health. They have ignored all of her requests for any privacy during her pregnancy, the MIL has made bizarre, ignorant, uninformed remarks about the baby's health -designed to cause worry. The FIL has behaved in a bullying, unpleasant manner. They have disrespected all boundaries and harassed her on the phone and seem to think they call all the shots.
Depression and anxiety are exacerbated by stress and life-changes. If you suffer from these conditions, you find ways to best manage them effectively that work for you, not that suit other people. You do recover but the last thing you need is people behaving as they have.
I'd NC them and have nothing more to do with them - but you have to have your partner on board if this is not going to damage your relationship with him.

You do sound odd and ott about this. They’re excited grandparents!! Learn to let people in - you’re going to need all the support you can get.

Telling them not to buy clothes and not allowing them a picture of the ultrasound is nothing to do with MH issues. It just sounds petty and spiteful.

At the end of the day no one got a photo u til a few days later, no one got to buy clothes. If you feel you want to keep it between you and your partner for a bit why does being a grandparent, from whatever side mean you have more rights than the parents?
I've got plenty of support from everyone now that baby is here, especially from my family who guess what completely respected all my decisions throughout the entire thing. The point everyone misses as I think they cba to read the whole thing is that it's only his mum and dad that can't seem to grasp it, don't want to listen and cba to put in a ounce of effort to respect me.
At the end of the day if people wouldn't do what I've done that's fine and if you would've done stuff differently during your oregnancy then fair enough, but that's not how I've done it.
I've gone co contact now, they can still see the kid but I ain't putting myself through their bollocks anymore, they're selfish.

This . The issue is yours not theirs

That's what I wanted tho, not hard. Just don't say anything, I life 3hrs away not like I'm down the road and at their house everyday.

OP, you sound like really hard work and yabu for your behaviour towards your PILS.

Why did you tell them you were pregnant, if you didn’t want it to be acknowledged?

If you continue to ostracise your DH’s family, he will end up resenting you. The best thing you can do is forgive them, with the understanding that your behaviour was not typical, and try to rebuild the relationship now that your DC is here and you are feeling better.

I read the whole thread.