This post is not for sympathy, nor attention. Just simply somewhere to vent and put my feelings as I feel I have no one to speak to or no where to turn. Ever since I’ve had my child (he is now 2). Everything has gone down hill. I had a good job, my own car own independence. Now having my son I’ve lost my relationship, my job my car as a result of this constantly in financial hardship. Everyday I wake up feeling like a failure as I’m terrible at being a mum. I see other single mothers taking their kids on holidays, days out and trips and I struggle to even put food on the table after I’ve paid bills. I never have money for us to do things, rarely able to buy new clothes and when I do it’s mostly second hand or cheap clothing. When does things get easier? I’m really struggling. Trying to get back into work without any childcare is extremely hard it just feels like I’ve ruined my life and brought my son into a world that he doesn’t deserve he should be with someone who is financially and mentally stable not someone who feels this way everyday. I wish I had the correct tools in life to make things better for him and myself so we could start to enjoy life. I’m scared he will resent me in the future for not being able to give him everything or anything like other kids and it’s really getting to me. I keep thinking I should just kill myself and he won’t remember me and won’t be affected but it’s so hard I love him so much but just feel like I am being selfish now by staying here and giving him this crap life