I think I have prenatal depression, fell it's all too hard and I am struggling to cope.

[sweetkitty]

Can't even be bothered to namechange either.

Am 26 weeks with DD3 a much wanted baby but honestly I feel like throwing myself off a bridge right now well I wouldn't due to the other DDs but every day is such a struggle.

The DDs (3.8 and 2.2) are really difficult right now, one is fine but two together all they seem to do is fight. DD1 will go play somewhere then DD2 will "join in" DD1 won't want her to and start to push her and hit her cue screaming from DD2 or DD2 will have something and DD1 will want it cue more screaming. It's like this all day or so it seems. I'm a referee getting them to "play nice" I know it's not their faults and they do have time apart when DD1 is at nursery and DD2 at her activities but the minute they are back together they clash. Everything seems to be a battle as well, I know it's their age and it's a control thing but even getting them dressed or changing DD2's nappy is a struggle.

The other thing is I have bad SPD/SI pain and it is really getting to me, I'm in pain moving most of the time. Sometimes I feel like I can't make it to the top of the stairs and you can imagine how much rest I get with the two of them fighting non stop. Also if I do sit down they are straight over jumping on top of me, climbing on me, wanting to sit with me, play with me etc which usually is nice but difficult with the bump so I end up losing it and shoving them both off me, cue screaming.

DP is great when he is here but he works 12 hour days, he's also very stressed with a new role at work and the DDs can be up 6 times in the night and he is doing the most of the resettling (as it takes me about 5 mins to get up out of bed) and he's up at 6am so he's knackered and this is coming out with him being grumpy towards me. We have spoke about it and he has said he will try and be a bit better. He does loads around the hosue though and is always telling me off for doing too much so I cannot fault him that way.

Oh and I have no family support so no one that can take the DDs for even an hour.

I knew it would be hard when I was pregnant I knew I would get SPD again so I don't know why I am moaning about it but it's just all so bloody hard right now. I feel like I haven't bonded with DD3 as much as the others I have bought nothing for her and am wondering how the hell I will cope with 3.

Sorry for going on but guess I just need to tell someone.

I had this with both of my DD when pg. I don't have any specific advice for you I'm afraid, but I did want to offer you some virtual hugs and let you know that things will get better. For me at least once they were born I felt a lot better than I had while I was expecting. Why don't you talk to your midwife and let her know how you are feeling right now. Just to be able to share your problems will make you feel better and you never know they may have something more useful to offer that I can suggest.

Take care - your little ones are at a hard age, but also think to those phases they go through being hard for a while then being just so cute and lovable. They will get back to being little angels once they are through this stage. Hard though it is when you feel like this try and find things to do with them a bit new or exciting. It often helps distract from that unwanted behaviour - easier said than done I know though.
[hug]

Hi! Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel! Mine are 3y and 20mo and I'm 38wk pg.

I am constantly telling them off, trying to separate them. DD (the younger one) is always trying to jump on ds or cuddle him and he pushes her away or tries to bite her!

Also I'm knackered and it takes me ages to get us all dressed and to tidy toys up etc. so by the time I have cleared one mess up they have created a new one somewhere else! I end up screaming at them a lot more ATM than I am comfortable with.

Whereabouts in Scotland are you? Did you come to the zoo meet up about a year ago?

Hi Sweetkitty, just come accross this. I knew you were feeling rubbish, but not this bad! I'm sending big virtual hugs over MN and wishing I could do something to take the girls off your hands for a while!

I can't really give you any advice, just wanted you to know I was thinking of you and to remind you that there is only 14(ish) weeks left and it is your last time, but I would have a word with either your Midwife or GP about it, they might offer a solution!!

Thanks it does mean a lot someone taking the time to read my whinge and reply to it.

I do feel so bad moaning about being pregnant after having the mc in August last year, I'm sure theres people out there that would love to be in my position.

Part of the problem is that I am getting so frustrated not being able to do things with the DDs and just be more patient with them, they are only babies and need my attention a lot. I know only 14 (or so) weeks to go.

soph - no I have never been to a Scottish meet up, been to a London one though (long story)

OMG Sweetkitty - you are going through exactly the same as me right now .

My DDs are 4 and 2 at end of next month and I am 33.5 weeks. DDs fight physically and verbally non stop (or so it seems), cannot leave alone them for a moment. They jump all over me the moment I sit down which has the same outcome you describe. I have PGP which is agony and makes me walk like a 90yo and bump is in an awkward position and lying breech on a nerve. I know exactly what you mean about nappy changes and getting them dressed beign a total struggle. It took me 30 mins (I kid you not) to drag uncooperative DD2 upstairs for bed the other day only for her to run straight back down again. DH is working long hours too but helps where he can. We have no family support either.

I only came to read the thread as I do have pre-natal depression but only because I am currently pregnant as I have long term depression anyway IYSWIM. Not sure you are 'depressed' as such, just reacting totally normally to your difficult situation.

What worried me a bit about your thread is how you feel you haven't bonded as wel with you DD3. I had a similar situation with my DD2. A lot of bad things happened while I was pregnant so I gave the pregnancy no real consideration (apart from constantly worrying how I would cope with 2) and as soon as she was born I just wanted to get back to DD1 to check she was OK - she had been left with my dad and step mum who she hardly knew. This left me with a lot of guilt which was totally unneccessary and that can lead to more depression.

I would really recommend you start to buy some things for your DD3, even just a few special items would help. Have you prepared her room or done any other little bits in preparation for her. Would it be possible to so something positive for your pregnancy which would fit in with your other commitments? I have a prenatal yoga DVD (only watched it once so far as I haven't had much opportunity) but it was nice to do something positive for bump and me. I also plan to go swimming for an hour once a week in the evening when DH gets home. I really think it would help a lot if you could find something positive like that to do - anything to ward off any guilt you might possibly feel once your DD3 is here. Don't worry about coping with 3 - I'm sure you'll be fine and just 'get on with it' when DD3 is born. I bet you cope really well with two when you haven't got a difficult pregnancy, pain and a stressed, but mainly absent DH to cope with so I'm sure you'll be fine with 3. There were a fair few threads on here a few weeks ago about coping with 3 - nearly all posts were very positive experiences.

Sorry to go on , hope that helps a bit.

omg you re getting tonnes of virtual hugs ....i think its normal you have 2 very young children and another on the way you are quite literally climbing mountains everyday and it is not easy in any way.

this is a hard phase soon your dc will become more independant and your life will get so much easier,in the meantime you just gotta conquer the bits of the mountain u can climb,small steps.

your spd is a big thing i assume its like a mega nagging toothche all the time ....are you ble to get some help? maybe volunteers or students from college? maybe from friends.

im sorry you are having a rotten time and i hope you soon feel better.

you op has reminded me of what my life was like before i had ds2(my 3rd child).although they were a bit older(4 and 5)they were always fighting and being a PITA etc.i did have ant-natal depression with ds2,i had some councelling which helped,but xh was a tosser so things were never going to get better till i got rid of him.

however,i will say that things got alot easier after the birth.ds1 and dd1 loved their little brother,and they just seemed to grow up overnight.plus i got alot stricter with bed,not getting up etc because i needed all the sleep i could get.

i never really bonded with ds2 during my pregnancy but i did when he was born.i still love him like i did when i first saw him but he doesnt appreciate being called my baby boy now he's 4.9

No no bignadmouse it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this, it's mainly PGP I have too with some SPD thrown in on a good day, this is the third time I have had it and by far the worst. I even left getting pregnant with the third longer to see if that would calm it down a bit. Agree with the 90yo walking and the agony. Do you also think that people don't believe you? By that I mean when you say I have pelvic pain they think oh a sore back caused by the bump and it's so not that. I know it's not their fault as they haven't come across PGP but still.

I have suffered from depression in the past as well and know I suffer from SAD as well and it's usually at it worst in March and the weather has been so rotten here recently.

I just feel like such a crap Mum to the DDs right now.

DD2 was a homebirth as there was no one to look after DD1, luckily this time I have made a few friends in the area so I have some people I could call on if need be. I went 12 days overdue with DD2 and am not sure I can cope with another 2 weeks of hell after my due date.

Right then, we are definitely living some sort of parallel lives (albeit at other ends of the country).

I've had the PGP before too but this time it is really painful. I'm not huge so it looks a bit like I am faking it (or so I feel) as I'm sure people think 'good grief, you're hardly huge'. Or I get the feeling people think why am I having another one if the two I have are so naughty and I can't control them. I can control them, they are just trying new tricks which I have to find new ways to combat and getting away with things for a bit longer as I can't chase/grab/catch them straight away. They egg each other on and find it hilarious.

I feel sooo crap with mine too - really bad. I have pleaded with them to behave (as if that is going to work ), shouted, cried in front of them etc etc - all things I personally wouldn't feel are good parenting skills but I am at my wit's end some days.

I am affected by the weather too, even down here the weather is crap, so windy and cold and DDs cannot go out in the cold so we get stuck int he house. Hope the weather changes soon but then I'll want to get out doing things in the garden and the PGP will stop all that too .

Sorry, not trying moan all over your thread...just wanted to say how similar I feel things are for us right now and hoping that helps in some strange way . It sure helps me to hear of someone else (who I am sure is a perfectly good parent) feeling the same way.

btw, I had a MC last year too. Totally paranoid with this PG (not sure how much of that is the depression though).

I've had the PGP from 12 weeks this time (15 weeks last twice) so wasn't even showing but lsat 2 weeks it's got so bad. You are supposed to rest but when you do and try and get up it makes it worse! No it is nice to "talk" to someone else who knows what it feels like.

Yes I've done the crying in front of them far too many times in the past few days but they are too young to understand. DD2 doesn't have a nap in the afternoons either now, she is fantastic when DD1 is at nursery but the minute she is back it's all out warfare. DD2 has also just started that hitting/biting me stage too

I know it will get better luckily the pain seems to go the minute the placenta is out for me.

I also know we will look back on this time and think it wasn't that bad once we have our beautiful newborns to gaze at, we knew it would be like this but we still went and did it all again as we know it will be worth it but right now it's just bloody hard!

Hey SK - just discovered this one... poor you.

dd2 and ds2 also clash A LOT, and I feel that I am cross with them all the time. So I think with your 2 girls, as you say, it is an age thing, but it doesn't make life any easier!

I would have a chat with your DP about whether you can afford a mother's help. A local teenager can could come in for a few hours in the afternoon - she might read a story to one or both girls, or fold washing etc... it just sounds like you have way too much on your plate.

We had an au pair for the first time last summer - just 3 mths - when our business is busiest. It was fantastic! The kids loved having someone who had time and energy for them

As for the bonding - I'm not surprised you don't feel you have thought about db3... you haven't had time. I found with dcs 3 and 4 that I also felt a bit disloyal to the existing children if I was too 'precious' about the impending arrival, IYSWIM. So I would only really think about it lying in bed at night... but they have turned out fine, and I love all the dcs the same

What worries me is that this one (DS1) will be like my DD2 who has a strange ability to be able to survive on just 3 hours sleep in every 24 hour period . She went through a phase for just over 6 weeks when she was 4 months old when she would only sleep for 30 mins at a time - sent me loopy for sure .

I can't wait to meet my little monster though. Do you think you might be able to do the baby shop I suggested? I usually hate shopping but putting all the babys clothes together the other day really helped me.

You're right though, when they are here it will be summer, nice long days of sunshine (hopefully) and a renewed ability to walk without looking like a geriatric .

Is swimming supposed to help PGP / SPD so you know? Not entirely sure which I have, I think I have mainly PGP and the rest is down to him lying on a nerve.

omg bigbadmouse we had 1 of those children too- for 3 years he slept no monger than 3 hours and not all at the same time even now he doesnt need a lot of sleep

Still feeling a bit ropey today

I agree I have put in an order for one that sleeps this time, DD2 wasn't that great a sleeper until I went on boob strike at 12 months through the night.

BBM - don't know about the swimming, I do remember a nice long bath helping with the other ones but I only get the time for a quick shower these days, maybe I should start having baths again.

I have brought some pink baby things down from the loft and had a sort through to see what else I need. Congrats on having a DS as well, I think that has been getting to me as everyone I see asks "do you/your husband want a boy" and when I say "no it's a girl" they look all sad and sorry for me. I'm really not bothered but I think I am really defensive over her already as if how dare they think I would be disappointed with another girl.

Tickle - thanks for your support don't know about a mothers help.

sweetkitty have only just seen this am sorry you're feeling so crappy

have been about demented too but feel I may be able to cope better now the weather has let up a little, I know you've got your SDP problems but it there anywhere near you can let them run riot and knacker themselves?!?

where abouts are you, can I help?

Hi Sweetkitty, sorry you are still feeling ropey. Feeling all miserable here too. We've had some quite nice weather today, no cold wind but a pretty thick sea fog so I took the girls up the garden - didn't get anything done other than plant one tree and referee many fights over tricycles etc etc ARGhhhhh!

Thanks for the DS congratulations. I'm sure you are having the comments about having a third girl. Really irritating isn't it? We have the opposite whern I say we are having a Boy - people say, 'Oh you must be so pleased, I bet your husband is really glad etc'. As if girls are somewhat inferior. We get a lot of comments like 'well, I suppose you just wanted another one so you could have a Boy' . Grrrrrr.

tbh I'm glad to get rid of the pink things and have some new baby clothes to play with but thats about it - we would have had to buy some new things for this one as most of our stuff for DD1 was second hand when we got it . My MC was a girl and the only reason why we tried for this one was because I just wanted her back IYSWIM. In the end, children are children whatever sex they are aren't they? Oh yes, and my DH was looking forward to being doted on by a houseful of women (not sure where he got that ridiculous idea from!). I bet it does make you defensive about your DD3 - I'd be livid! Do you have a big list of girls names? We did but aren't quite sure on boys names at all. Decided on our MCs name as soon as we knew of her existence - funny how that sometimes happens.

BBM - I am my own worst enemy sometimes I did too much today and since sitting down at 4 I have completely seized up, does that happen to you too, when you sit down you can't get back up? I dozed off as well then the phone rang and I couldn't get up to answer it for ages. TBH I threw out most of the baby clothes, DD2 was rough on them plus I think I want this baby to have a load of new stuff. Am getting a new pram as well as I hated the double from last time and told DP I would only have another baby if I got a P&T.

It didn't rain today but was cold but I tried a bit more with the DDs today, made some fairy cakes and played some games with them that didn't involve me moving much.

DP was away last night with work and was working until 10 and won't get back until 10 tonight so dinner/bath/bed on my own which is hard. Let DD1 sleep with me last night but she woke up at 3am soaking wet as her Mummy had forgotten to put her pull up on oops full sheet/PJ change at 3 is not good. DD2 only woke once so wasn't too bad.

We already have a name for DD3 which has helped as I am thinking of her more and more as that name, Bethany.

dizzy - thanks but I'm at the opposite side of the country to you. I agree we just need some half decent days now it's nearly the holidays and no nursery.

I think I am going to bite the bullet next week and phone the HV (mm not seen her since DD2 was born) and ask for a referral for DD1's nursery. In the toddler room it is referral only and you cannot pay for them to go in. She could go to another nursery but that doesn't help with nursery runs etc I need them both at the same one and she won't go until Easter next year even though she screams when leaving every morning. I think it would be great for her as she would get some stimulation and I would get a few child free hours which has never really happened in a long while.

• I haven't got up from sitting down yet (since 4.10pm) and I think I'm going to be seized too. I'm actually not in any bad pain right now but I know that as soon as I do the usual clean kitchen, prepare dinner etc etc I'll be hobbling around. I'm stupid as I hate hate hate dozing off. Obviously I need the rest as I cannot help myself but it irritates me so much, just want to do 1001 things I have on my mental to do list. Today my get up and go has defintely got up and gone so not much achieved at all. I find that one of the worst parts of having depression, just not having the get up and go to even put your shoes on some days . It's such a waste of time!

I'm really lucky as my DH came home last night and said he thinks he will be home on time for the next week. I hope so. It is really hard doing the bedtime routine with two unco-operative ones and a bad back isn't it. Then, when it is all done and they are in bed, I daren't sit down before the rest of the housework is done or I won't be able to get up again. Is it the same for you?

I love your choice of girls name btw. We were going to have Megan.

P&T and new clothes sounds like fab therapy to me - I defintely prescribe a shopping spree. The nursery sounds like a fantastic idea, really good to have some time to yourself I say - even if you just sit there ignoring the housework etc and think 'Ahhhhhh, peace at last!'

Got to bite the bullet and cook dins for the girls now - should have started it 20 mins ago but hey .

• just had a quick nose at your profile. I am a microbiologist too (on a career break for a while though methinks looking at the childcare costs). I love Monty Python - esp life of brian (think it says so on my profile). We are about the same age and I used to live in Scotland. You're on your own with the fave TV = soaps bit though .

no you are my doppelganger, I used to live in Cambridge and then London for a bit. Where did you work? I was in food safety for one of the big supermarkets. Used to work in food labs in Cambridge as well.

I have anxiety as well and if I don't get my mental list done for the day it makes me worse, I simply cannot ignore the housework. I tend to do it in the morning when I am not too bad but then I pay for it later.

. Well I have worked in a fair few places. I did environmental microbiological monitoring for several companies (mainly pharmaceutical) but when I moved down to Cornwall I ended up moving over to the dark side (food microbiology) and worked for a company that made own brand Ice Cream for all the big supermarkets and some of the big named brands too. I still did the environmental monitoring but also rather a lot of the food safety HACCP, GMP procedures etc etc. It was fun, I got to eat a lot of chocolate and get paid for it so can't complain really - it was more hands on problem solving than rattling test tubes in the lab which suited me well. Arghhhh, I miss it - it was good therapy to get something done at work and go home knowing the next day I would go in and several pre-schoolers hadn't undone all my work while I wasn't looking . I've not lived in Cambridge or London - my Sister lives near Cambs though...

I've suffered from anxiety too, I had a very bad dose of it when I was younger and I had problems leaving the house (not good for the career). I had some fantastic CBT and got it solved. Still get the odd panic attack trying to creep up on me but I know how to shake them off (HA!). That said, a few months ago I started getting them in my sleep, that was bit more of a challenge . I think that was more down to the pregnancy hormones than anything else.

I've certainly become more into housework since I have had children. It is like I am desperately trying to regain control of something in my life so the house gets it! BFing is the worst bit, I'm going to have to practice turning a blind eye to it while DDs wreck the house in front of my eyes knowing full well I cannot leap up and stop them while I'm BFing. Not looking forward to watching endless repeats of Homes Under The Hammer etc etc while I'm BFing either

Now you have got me intrigued a Cornish Ice Cream producer. I was a food safety auditor so someone who used to go into food factories in the dead of night and inspect the hygiene and cooking. Ice cream wasn't high risk being frozen but I have been to a fair few dairy factories down your way. It will be four years though since I was in gainful employment seems like another life ago. I lived in a little town in the Fens about half way between Cambridge and Peterborough before moving to London.

I think the thing with housework is when you are a SAHM you are at home a lot and you see it more and it gets to you. You also spend most of your life picking up bits of plastic off the carpet. Not that I don't adore the DDs to bits and love being at home with them right now.

It's just so hard right now with the pregnancy I feel I have no right to moan after what happened last year. I have two wonderful DDs but right now all they seem to do is fight and wind each other up. Even if I sit and do something with them within 5 minutes they are either bored with it or fighting about it.

I have been thinking about the BFing thing too, have been looking at slings I can BF on the go in, also I think this one will just have to fit into some sort of routine in that she will have to wait to be fed sometimes and if she has had a feed recently and I know she is fine she will be latched off. We both did it with a toddler and a newborn last time and TBH I don't remember it being that bad but DD1 was only 18 months when DD2 came along and still having an afternoon nap. I remember putting her down and putting my feet up to feed DD2 and us both falling asleep, no chance of that this time. Oh and I am compiling a list of boxsets I want DP to get me for those cluster feeds.

Yep, when I worked for them they were owned by a company who had factories elsewhere - they had taken over the Cornish one as their customers (M&S, Waitrose) etc needed to be able to state 'Made in Cornwall' in their Cornish Ice cream. I stopped working when DD2 was born (2 years ago), that wasn't the plan but the company sold out and closed all the factories they had apart from a few in Leeds area - didn't fancy relocating to Leeds. Was PITA as DH and I both worked there - that was where we met .

I was thinking about the sling thing too but the back pain is putting me off them right now. I've tried a few but they all seem to hurt my back after a short while. I'm a bit of the short side so maybe I just need a decent one. I made so many plans about how DD2 would have to wait for feeds etc when she was born but I was sooo soft on her - totally unlike how I was with DD1 (not that I was hard on her I just felt more relaxed). This time all I hope for is one that needs at least some sleep and will tolerate being in the garden in a bouncy chair while I dig about. oh yes, and no colic or reflux either please....do you think I am asking a bit too much

Do you think your two are acting differently because you are PG? My two definitely are, they are more clingy and constantly fight for my attention. They are usually like that but since we have been getting closer to 'D Day' they seem to be getting much worse. They are either fighting each other or ganging up on me .

You're right about being at home more making the housework more of an issue. When the DDs and I were able to go out more it didn't matter so much as we weren't surrounded by it all day - also there was a lot less mess created in the first place.

Neither of mine have woken up so far this evening - that usually means they are saving it up for when I fall asleep - how do they know????????

I had the sleeping one the first time, DD2 was up 5-6 times in the night up until a year. Slings will have to wait until the baby is born here too.

Apparently third borns are laid back so fingers crossed.

I don't know if it's anything to do with me being pregnant I think it's more with DD2 getting a bit older and not going along with DD1 all the time. She's a fiesty one they both are, I think it's just their ages TBH. All I feel I do at the moment is break up fights and shout

Well just when I thought it wuldn't get any worse bloody DP comes home last night at 12.30am drunk E-mailed me at 11 and said he was in the taxi back from the airport (would have taken 40 mins tops) and gets in at that time. Took me to 1am to get to sleep then DD1 was up 5 times in the night, DD2 about 6 and spent an hour crying with me unable to settle her. DP also got me up twice crashing about looking for the toilet and then at 6am when he got up from work. E-mailed him this morning and he's all apologies but still. He hasn't been here in 2 days and he comes in at that time and in that state knowing full well that I will have to get up to see to the DDs and I'm in agony.

Am so fed up today, all teary probably because I am so tired. The minute he is in tonight I am giving him the DDs and going upstairs and I will no be getting up tonight at all and will be sleeping late tomorrow.

On a positive note I bought the first things for the baby today, 8 pairs of socks