I know that sounds awful and I hope it isn't triggering for anyone, but it is how I feel at the moment. I also know it doesn't make any sense - if I was dead, I wouldn't know anything about it so how can I fantasise about being in a state that I would be unaware of? Despite that, I wish all the time that I could just quietly die. I'm so tired of getting up every day, making an effort to go about my business and appear normal, feeding myself, going back to bed, and repeating the whole thing over and over again. I have no actual suicidal ideation or any plans or anything like that. I just think about illnesses and accidents and having it sort of happen without any input from me. Is this something other people can identify with?