*TW* Not suicidal but fantasising about being dead

[ICriedAllTheWayToTheChipShop]

I know that sounds awful and I hope it isn't triggering for anyone, but it is how I feel at the moment. I also know it doesn't make any sense - if I was dead, I wouldn't know anything about it so how can I fantasise about being in a state that I would be unaware of? Despite that, I wish all the time that I could just quietly die. I'm so tired of getting up every day, making an effort to go about my business and appear normal, feeding myself, going back to bed, and repeating the whole thing over and over again. I have no actual suicidal ideation or any plans or anything like that. I just think about illnesses and accidents and having it sort of happen without any input from me. Is this something other people can identify with?

@ICriedAllTheWayToTheChipShop My GP did the same. I got some good advice on here, but I didn’t realise you can buy hrt from boots/superdrug. If that’s an option for you.

I was given citralopram by my gp at my daughter’s appointment - very odd experience. (After he told me I couldn’t be menopausal as I didn’t have wrinkles-I’m 46). I’d seen him the week before on my own as didn’t want DD 7, to hear about my issues!

Have you thought about volunteering? I did a spell at a rescue. Then started a short period of part time self employment. I didn’t do it to make friends or for the money, just for exercise mainly and I love dogs.

I'm sorry you got deleted. Did Mumsnet get in touch like the deletion message said? Please keep posting here if it's in any way helpful.

I too feel this way and have done my entire life. I don't know if it's because I have had so many horrendous traumas. now I have just closed down. I had brief periods of feeling ok, and then another trauma. The last being my daughter who was in a life threatening situation and is now disabled. I have tried all the anti depressants and counselling and I still feel this way. I just don't want to live any more. You are not alone in feeling this way. 😣

Mumsnet HQ did indeed email me but just said "we don't allow posts like this " but failed to define what "this" is. Really didn't need that last night.

Feeling a bit better today. Have decided to take more care of me and fuck looking after people who don't care for me. Thanks everyone here for your kindness, you've shown more concern for me than anyone I know IRL does.