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Help to find meaning in life when it seems so pointless?

44 replies

Keeponkeepingonandon · 25/04/2024 21:23

I’m on long term sick leave with MH issues. I have no friends or family.
Everything feels pointless so how can I find some meaning in life?

OP posts:
Helplessandheartbroke · 25/04/2024 21:26

Hey op. Just about to turn in for thay night but couldn't read and run. There must be someone in RL? I've got 2 support threads running on the MH board please join us. Amazing ladies on there. Meanwhile, get yourself well and then look for the meaning of life. One step at a time x

Keeponkeepingonandon · 26/04/2024 09:11

Hopeless bump

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 26/04/2024 09:13

Can you have a pet? Having something that relies on me entirely and is mostly pleased to see me helps me.

3luckystars · 26/04/2024 09:15

Can you do something nice for someone else?
Even very small, even anonymously if you want. That is one thing you can do.

parietal · 26/04/2024 09:39

Things that can help build meaning for you

  • something you create - a cake or a painting or a nice arrangement of items on your shelves at home
  • something you achieve - getting a good breakfast or making it out to the shops or starting C25K
  • something you care for - a pot plant or a garden or a pet
  • something for your community - join a local litter picking group or green gym or similar

Meaning in life isn't one big thing, it is the lots of little things that we do everyday and if those little things are contributing to making life better then they are meaningful.

What are the little things that give you a bit of a feeling of achievement?

Ticktapticktap · 26/04/2024 09:48

Get a pet. It was genuinely the only thing that made a difference for me. My landlord doesn't even allow pets but I didn't care, decided to prioritise my actual life above a landlord's old carpet!

Anyway, if you don't want a pet, then you need to have something that you look after and make a difference to. Community gardening is also a good one

Churchview · 26/04/2024 09:56

Hello @Keeponkeepingonandon . I am so sorry to hear you are finding life hard right now. Sometimes things can be shit can't they? I suffered a bereavement last summer and it completely took away my sense that anything was worth bothering with. I just couldn't see the point.

The thing that saved me was growing things in the garden. I just started small but something about being outside, the garden birds, the soil all helped. The sowing of seeds and putting a plant in the ground seemed an optimistic thing...it made me start thinking of the future when the plant would bloom and for the first time I could picture the days to come as something other than miserable and empty.

When my DH had anxiety disorder the thing that really helped him was group therapy. Individual therapy made him feel more alone but seeing other people were struggling too made him feel less alone. The GP arranged it on the NHS. I wonder if that helps.

Post again on here please as I will be thinking about you and wishing you well.

Lilacdew · 26/04/2024 10:13

Hi,
It helps me, when I feel this way (and I have in the past and do a little bit right now - trying to fight it) to reframe my thoughts. Instead of 'Life is so meaningless - what is the point of it all?' I remind myself life is just a free gift we've been handed and it's up to us to choose how much and what meaning to give it. The point of it all, the meaning of it all is not for us to find out, but to choose. There is a difference. Hoping to find the meaning of life can lead to utter disillusion. But deciding to choose what meaning we give it is empowering and liberating.

Right now, I'm at a hiatus because I found it easy to give meaning to life when I was raising children: they were the point. Now they are adults and really don't need me breathing down their necks advising them every second of every day. I need to find a new meaning and haven't yet. But I'm trying to enjoy looking. Meanwhile, I try to practise self-care - staying reasonably fit and healthy, keeping my home in a reasonably clean and tidy state, and trying out new things fairly often.

Can you think about anything - from any point in your life - however small (or big) that generated a positive emotion for you - a sense of joy or peace or fulfilment or self-confidence, or self-worth, or connection or flow, and excitement? Think of all the positive emotions you can, and try to recall something, anything that helped to generate them - even the tiniest flicker - like a teacher saying something nice about you at primary school, or seeing a sunset one day. Make a list of all of them and start to build activities to replicate them.

E.g. If you like wildlife, get bird feeders, put out food for foxes and squirrels, take a neighbour's dog for a walk, get a pet, save up for a holiday volunteering at a sanctuary abroad etc. Build more and more ambitious steps.
If you feel a bit better after exercise, sign up for a bootcamp or do some online classes every day, do C25K and then join a park run. From there, sign up for a longer run.

Allow yourself to accept there is no one really judges the purpose of your life except you, and it's perfectly fine to do what genuinely makes you happy. Most people find happiness comes from a sense of connection, flow and growth, so I try to focus on contributing to the world in some way, doing something absorbing and trying to get a bit better at something I'm not very good at. Would that appeal to you, OP, as a way out of the rut?

BlackCat007 · 26/04/2024 10:29

Hi OP. The pet idea is great. Our cat is hilarious. He loves us and we love him. You get so much affection. It’s company in the house, someone you have to think of, look after etc.

Ilovedogs1 · 26/04/2024 11:50

OP I agree with @parietal that it is many little things that contribute to wellbeing.
Start really small. Just the feel of a soft blanket or the warmth of a warm drink in your hands.
On a MN thread I'm on someone mentioned little glimmers each day. Even just a moment of feeling a little calmness is a glimmer.

I've been thinking recently about whether people as a whole are expecting to be amazingly happy all the time and that this isn't really realistic. The human experience is about a whole rollercoaster of fluctuating emotions.
However having said that I understand how relentless it feels when your dealing with depression/anxiety, whatever it is, day after day and you just can't see it ever getting better. Its totally overwhelming and suffocating. I've had three breakdowns in my life and remember how hopeless and pointless it can feel. Sending hugs. X

hk1993x · 26/04/2024 14:02

Just wanted to send you a big big hug. I have family and friends and I still have days where I wish I weren't here 😔 mental illness is awful isn't it x

Keeponkeepingonandon · 27/04/2024 19:11

Thanks for all the kind replies and helpful ideas.
I’m trying to keep active and bat away the dark thoughts but it isn’t easy.

OP posts:
Mysticguru · 27/04/2024 19:16

The meaning of this life is to discover your True Self.

Something is observing your body and your thoughts. What is that? It cannot be your mind because your mind is full of thoughts!

Read "The Power Of Now" by Eckart Tolle.

Greywitch2 · 27/04/2024 19:25

Write a gratitude diary every night. I think of three things I'm grateful for that day. These can be really small.

Today I am grateful because I saw a robin on my bird feeder.
I planted some petunias in a tub on my patio
I had honey on my toast this morning and it was really nice.

Keeponkeepingonandon · 28/04/2024 10:36

I’m lying in bed and can’t see the point of getting up.

OP posts:
BlackCat007 · 28/04/2024 10:40

You always feel better once you get up. Open the curtains. Let the light in. Think about getting a little cat. He’ll need you to to get up to give him his breakfast xx

PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 10:42

Are you getting any treatment?

Antidepressants make a massive difference for me.

Keeponkeepingonandon · 28/04/2024 10:45

PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 10:42

Are you getting any treatment?

Antidepressants make a massive difference for me.

I am seeing a psychiatrist. He has been supportive but I think he has given up on me now.

OP posts:
PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 11:50

Ah that’s difficult. What has he suggested, if anything?

Keeponkeepingonandon · 28/04/2024 12:01

PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 11:50

Ah that’s difficult. What has he suggested, if anything?

I tried Aripiprazole but had terrible side effects. He’s mentioned other antipsychotics but I’m scared.

OP posts:
PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 14:04

Oh! Why does he think you need antipsychotics rather than antidepressants? (Sorry if that’s a stupid question.

PebbleDashAtOne · 28/04/2024 14:04

) oops

Keeponkeepingonandon · 28/04/2024 14:29

I’m already on antidepresssants and apparently antipsychotics on top can be more effective.

OP posts:
christmascalypso · 28/04/2024 15:13

How old are you? Can you join any local groups or clubs? Is there anything you really like doing? And I'd recommend a pet also - you'd be surprised at how caring for a pet would help .

Keeponkeepingonandon · 28/04/2024 19:06

I’m in my fifties.
I don’t like doing anything at the moment.
I’m living in a rental property which doesn’t allow pets.

OP posts: