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Original poster

My life fell apart over Christmas, where to start?

37 replies

SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 12:37

I can't be bothered to change my name, I don't really care if you know who I am or not. I've had a terrinle few weeks and I feel like I'm going to snap. Like I just can't take life anymore.

I don't know here to start, I can't talk to anyone in RL, the words just wont come. I don't even know what I want to say anyway.

How do you make things better? I don't even know what I'm trying to say now, I just have lost my will to keep going. I've stopped sleeping, I can't face food, when I eat I feel sick. I don't think I'm making any sense sorry, I'll come back to this later.

OP posts:
FlashingRudolphNose · 29/12/2004 12:40

We're here and listening Suzy...

blossomhill · 29/12/2004 12:42

Do you think you could be depressed? I have felt like you and was depressed. Hugs to you xxx

gothicsanta · 29/12/2004 12:47

please find teh strength to talk to someone either here or in rl

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 12:48

erm I don't know blossomhill. I just feel like, well I don't know, I can't describe what I feel like. numb. maybe. with a constant knot in my stomach. Everything is a chore, everything makes me feel like I can't catch my breath. I feel like over night everything I was has just disappeared.

That probably sounds like I've cracked up.

OP posts:
blossomhill · 29/12/2004 12:52

Has anything happened to make you feel like this Suzy? I felt similar but mine was because my dd has special needs. I had to go to my gp's who put me on a low dose of anti'ds and has booked me in for counselling xxx

blossomhill · 29/12/2004 12:53

It also really good that you are talking about it. I tried to put how I felt to the back of my mind but it wouldn't go away. Even a pile of washing up was such a chore that I couldn't face so I do understand that feeling xxx

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 12:58

Yeah, I kind of know what the trigger has been. I can't bring myself to talk about it yet, it's all my own fault anyway. Writing this is the first time I've had a tear to my eye even though I've felt like crying for days

I'm sorry, my problems are so insignificant compared to some peoples on here and in RL, it just makes me feel worse.

I feel like I wont be able to cope at work after Christmas and everything the last week with dd has felt like a chore - that's never been the case before. I just feel like leaving, packing a bag and never coming back and she is the only thing that is just about stopping me. that's terrible isn't it. god I feel awful saying that

OP posts:
blossomhill · 29/12/2004 13:00

Suzy - that's fine, whatever you feel comfortable with.
Yes there are always people better off than you and me of course. This is not about other people it's about you.
The descriptions you are giving sound exactly how I was feeling. Has it only been over christmas or have you been feeling like it for longer?

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 13:07

If I'm honest I'm not really sure. I haven't felt like this before now but I prpbably have just been going through the motions for a little while now. I don't know it's hard to say, life has been very up and down for a while, the highs have been good, the lows have just been getting everything done.

I think I'm going round in circles here, I'm sorry. I can't think clearly, everything just seems so distant in my mind. Like there are so many things that I can't focus on any one of them.

OP posts:
blossomhill · 29/12/2004 13:08

Suzy - I completely understand what you are saying and I honestly felt the same. Concentrating on anything made my head hurt. It was before the summer holidays that I thought it's not fair on the children as I couldn't even face playing with them . I thought there is no way I want to feel like this over the summer.

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 13:11

How do I stop feeling like this? how do I start coping again? I have to get a grip. I have a uni assignment deadline in two weeks and I'm just sat here looking at the words. I have so much work to do when I get back to work and I can't concentrate on anything.

OP posts:
blossomhill · 29/12/2004 13:15

Suzy - please go and see your gp. I am certainly not suggesting ad's are for you as I am not qualified but I know they realy helped me through a rough patch and I am still taking them. Your gp is your first stop though. I know it's hard but you will feel so much better once you make that initial appointment
I honestly felt as though a weight had been lifted once I had been. I wasn't coping and had tried all of the herbal remedies and they didn't work. I had to do soemthing as I couldn't carry on the way I was and it sounds as though you feel the same xxx

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 13:22

thanks maybe I will. I don't know what I'm supposed to say on here to people in RL.

OP posts:
blossomhill · 29/12/2004 13:40

Suzy I am just popping out for a few hours. If you want to CAT me then please do and it can be hard talking on here. I also understand if that's not what you want too xxx

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 29/12/2004 13:57

I can't get a doctors appointment. They are fully booked.

OP posts:
JudgeFlounce · 29/12/2004 16:58

Message deleted

jollymum · 29/12/2004 17:21

Take a deep breath and think. If I look at my house today, I panic and think that no way will this house ever get clean or tidy again, butjust like Xmas Day when my friend came round for a drink and ended up hoovering and laying the table, people can and will help. Take a look at your "house" and make a list in your head or on paper. Your life is like a balloon that's getting fuller and fuller of air, until it feels like your head will pop and life is too hard to even think about. Take one tiny step at a time and give yourself credit for each tiny thing. Look at me, the house is a tip, but the kids are reasonable clean, very happy because daddy is watching TV with them and they're all cuddled up and I'm on mumsnet thinking that tomorrow will do. Every time you talk or write to us it lets a bit of the air out and you feel a little less strained. On your list put the most important thing in your life, good or bad, and do a good/bad list. i would think that your children are on the good things list, so make them top. Wipr away all the BAD things, mentally with a big fat erasor and what have you got left? Hopefully a list of blessings. Now wipe away everything good on your list and that includes everyone here on mumsnet and what have you left, only bad. Well, we're not going away and the good things will stay hopefully. So, get someone to help take away one bad thing, just one. Maybe it's a feeling of being helpless about your house/job/dh or your life. I bet mumsnetters can help, how long would it take for one mumsnetter to turn up at your door with a big smile and a can of polish? I'm not tryig to belittle your problems, talking about housework but there is always something good there, even if it looks tiny compared to the bad things. You've made a start, talking here. Let us help-perhaps you could give us a clue if anyone is near to you and until then, keep talking.

KristmasBear · 29/12/2004 17:36

Suzy, I just want to send some kindness your way - I don't want you to think you are alone. We are all your MN friends and are here for you if you have a problem - don't compare your problems to someone elses, we all have them and if yours is making you so sad we want to help.

tillykins · 29/12/2004 17:46

Suzystockings, I am sorry that you feel such despair at the moment. I wish I could wave a magic wand and know the right words to say to make you feel better
Please ring your doctors again, tell them you must see someone immediately

karenanne · 29/12/2004 18:22

suzy you have my email if you want to talk .it sounds like you need a friend right now.

blossomhill · 29/12/2004 20:28

How are you feeling Suzy xxx

OLittleYurtofBethlehem · 29/12/2004 20:40

sending you hugs Suzy {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

tillykins · 29/12/2004 21:17

suzystockings, are you there?

Original poster
SuzyStockings · 30/12/2004 10:59

Hi, just come back on. Thanks for the messages.

I still couldn't get an appointment for today either but I got about 4 hours sleep last night (good since christmas) and had some toast and a cup of tea this morning.

I have made a list of things that I need to do today (just basic things like going to Tesco and taking my dry cleaning in etc) not too much so hopefully I will be able to tick it all off.

I still feel much the same as yesterday but have dd today so am going to do some baking and stuff. I going to get us dressed now as we've had a lazy morning and then go out to the shops but I will come back on later when I get a couple of minutes o myself. Thanks again for the messages.

OP posts:
Blossomhill · 30/12/2004 19:17

Hi Suzy

You know where I am if you need to talk. Good luck with the gp, when you get an appointment!!!