if your adult child who lived with you........ (TW)

[wilteddandelion]

Dear mumsnetters
If your adult child who lived with you was suicidal with a plan but no date, would you want to know? How would you feel most comfortable in them broaching the subject with you - obviously it's an awful thing to be told from anyone, but especially (I'd imagine) from your own child?
Thank you

[Allthecatseverywhereallatonce]

Hi absolutely yes. Is it your dd you are talking about? I assume she has MH problems? Do you have open conversations?
It is hard to advise as I am not sure of the details.

[Allthecatseverywhereallatonce]

Is this you? If it is you need to talk to someone.

[Goldenboysmum]

Yes I'd want to know, definitely!
I'd want to be able to do everything and anything I could to prevent them ending their life.

I lost my son to suicide in 2020, unfortunately he was in Australia and I had no idea how he was feeling. Every day I wonder if things would have been different had he been at home, with the support of his family and friends.

[Memyselfandtheothers]

id absolutely want to know and it wouldn’t be about how it would be best for me to hear it, it would be about them and how it was easiest for them to tell me.
If this is you, please tell them in whatever way you can. Please talk to somebody. suicide is so utterly final and there is ALWAYS another way.

[MummyJ36]

OP if this is you please tell your parent and allow them to help you seek help. You don’t have to think about how best to approach this, you just need to tell them so that they can help you ❤️

[wilteddandelion]

yes it is me I'm referring to. I just know they have enough on their plates as it is and don't need to further burdening by this

[Goldenboysmum]

@wilteddandelion

yes it is me I'm referring to. I just know they have enough on their plates as it is and don't need to further burdening by this

OP, you will NOT be burdening them, no matter what they have going on.

They're your parents, I'm assuming they love you, they'd want to know. They'd want to help you in any way they can, what they don't want is to bury their child!

Please, tell them, please get help, go to your GP, phone someone. There's plenty of MH organisationss that can help.

It's not a quick heal, but with help and support you'll get there.

[Movinghouseatlast]

Please tell them, they really would want to know. Honestly, anything else they have going on would pale into insignificance. Just blurt it all out, they will listen.

Have you phoned The Samaritans?

[ditalini]

@wilteddandelion

yes it is me I'm referring to. I just know they have enough on their plates as it is and don't need to further burdening by this

Please talk to someone, not necessarily your parents although I'm not saying not them.

Any burden on them by you talking to them would be infintessimally tiny compared to the burden they, and many people around you, will carry for the rest of their lives if they lose you.

And I know you probably think that's not true, but sadly I know that it is.

[Kleavers]

You must tell someone, if not your parent then reach out to a friend or Samaritans

[MILTOBE]

Oh that is so sad. I'm so sorry you feel so bad - it must be terrible. I think a lot of us have felt like that at times but are so glad now we didn't act on it.

Please do confide in your parents or in someone else you can trust. You don't have to feel this bad and you can get help and live a happy life.

[theduchessofspork]

Please tell them OP, they will want to know and want to help.

It’s not a burden - suicide transfers the pain of person who takes their life to those who are left behind. In comparison to that, nothing is a burden.

[izimbra]

OP, I'm so sorry you have these feelings. Please please reach out for a hand to hold.

www.papyrus-uk.org/contact-us/

0800 068 4141 this is Papyrus helpline for those who are having thoughts of suicide, it's open 24 hours, every day of the year.
And tell your parents how you feel, they would want you to. ❤️

[BCBird]

OP please speak.to someone. U say they have a lot on their plate . Take it from me, someone who is still living with the trauma of their partner's suicide just over 2 years ago. The pain is unbearable. His parents who are in their 70s are broken. Life will never be the same again. It will be the same gor ur family. Don't listen to the negative thoughts. Please tell someone. Let them help

[dancinjo]

Please talk to your parents. My daughter was in a similar position and after telling us we have managed to help her and she's in a much happier place. They can give you support and love xxx

[Fannyfiggs]

I'm so sorry you feel so bad. You are not a burden to anyone, especially not your parents. They would do anything to help you stay alive.

Strangers on a helpline or even here would help you.

Please don't go, people love and need you here. You're worth so much more and you owe your future self to seek help.

❤️

[Memyselfandtheothers]

OK, OP. Please tell your parents. You are NOT burdening them by telling them. You are giving them an opportunity to help you. The pain of losing you will be a burden to them forever. It will not go away. You never get over the death of a child and to lose them to suicide is devastating.

I say this not to make you feel guilty…

I have been where you are. I have had it all planned. I thought there was no way out. There was. Please hold on and please reach out for help.

[Thingsthatgo]

There's a guy I follow on X called Joe Tracini. He has suicidal thoughts regularly, he always recommends telling someone. He says that telling someone keeps him here. He is quite inspiring and very funny. I suspect that he has saved many lives with his honesty. I would recommend taking a look.

[RollOnSpringDays]

Please tell your parents & they’ll help you. They absolutely do want to know. Have you spoken to anyone about how you’re feeling?

[corlan]

I'd definitely want to know. I'd want them to sit me down and tell me if they could - maybe write it in an email if they couldn't.
Please talk to someone though.

[HebeMumsnet]

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website  or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well and we would urge you to speak to your parents as soon as possible, or to someone else if you don't feel you can do that.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly

[BrutusMcDogface]

Yes, tell them. Keep talking, op 💐

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

I'm going to say to you what I have said to my children. There is literally nothing that is so bad, it's worth taking your life over. Talk to me - them- and together you can work on making things better.

[girljulian]

Of course, tell them. They won’t think it’s a burden. A much bigger burden would be the pain of you killing yourself which they would have to labour under for the rest of their lives.

[LoveRules]

My friends lost their child to suicide a few weeks ago and they had no idea they were suffering of considering it.

To say it has broken them and their sibling is beyond an understatement. It is awful beyond belief that no one can gift them a Time Machine to rewind and hug their child and help them see how much they love having them in the world.

Please please please start telling people who can help you and who would be destroyed if you left without warning.