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What prevents you from seeking mental health support e.g. counselling or a psychotherapist?

122 replies

Decoupage · 22/03/2024 10:33

I've been in therapy for three times and each time found it invaluable so I am wondering what the barriers are to seeking mental health support? I think there are some obvious ones like stigma, shame and justifying investment in self over others. Of course that assumes that you are at a stage of knowing it would be good to get the support. Would you share what it is for you?

OP posts:
quietautistic · 06/04/2024 01:56

Personally, a combination of cost, admin, and negative past experiences. I do now pay for private therapy, something I know I'm incredibly lucky to be in a position to do, but it took me several years after my last attempt at therapy to build up to it again.

My first two attempts at therapy were arranged through healthcare services, both of which offered exclusively CBT. Firstly, I'm autistic and CBT is now recognised to be pretty ineffective for people with ASD (with the exception of specifically modified CBT). Secondly, I wasn't on any medication and, looking back, without the help of antidepressants I simply was not in the right mindset to get anything out of it. I desperately wanted it to work but I spent every session feeling patronised and ultimately, like nothing would ever be able to help me unless I could do what the therapist was telling me and figure it out for myself. After that I didn't go back for about five years, until I hit a crisis point when I knew I had to go back to therapy or risk losing everything I cared about.

My most recent, and successful, experience with therapy is a combined approach of DBT, transactional analysis, talk therapy, and interpersonal therapy. It has been absolutely invaluable and continues to be, I have a fantastic rapport with my therapist and we've expanded the scope of my counselling over the years as old problems have faded into the background and new challenges have emerged.

To get here, though, I had to do my own research. I was in dire need of help, but I refused to return to CBT. I looked through different types of therapy and found DBT, which from the outset sounded like something that would actually work rather than something I was just desperately hoping would work. The concept met me where I was with the ethos of radical acceptance; the idea that I can learn to work with my negative feelings and learn how to handle them rather than try and force my brain not to have those feelings at all. Of course, my request for a DBT referral was immediately shot down by the GP because "everyone feels like this in their twenties" with the recommendation to "wait five years and see if you still need it." Starting from scratch, I then had to research therapists, set up initial meetings and choose someone I felt I could build a good working relationship with, which I couldn't have done without my family and friends' help to write emails and pick up the phone.

As I say, I was lucky to have those resources, and I was even luckier to have them at a time when I could dedicate the mental energy to the whole process. I do not blame anyone for feeling like therapy is useless based on their past experience, as I know many people who feel that way. Justifiably, I think, considering some people's history with it. Equally, for a lot of people therapy is effectively impossible to access, either the research and communication is too daunting or it is simply too expensive. I really, really wish there was an easy answer but at the moment, I just can't see it.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 06/04/2024 05:11

I’m so disheartened to hear of so many of you who feel they have been damaged by counselling or struggled to access quality therapy. Sorry, but I guess not surprised.

I’m a therapist and have also had experiences of bloody awful counselling (the worst was NHS). I’ve also had life changing counselling for trauma. It was so impactful that it inspired me to retrain.

For many people, a negative experience is enough to make them feel counselling isn’t for them, which is such a shame, as the right therapist in the right modality can be a game changer, if the person is ready for change.

The profession needs regulation. At the moment anyone can claim to be a counsellor, and not all training is created equally. A significant element to training is personal development which allows the trainee therapist to gain self awareness. This is critical at ensuring they can work ethically and in the client’s frame of reference. Shorter diploma courses (in my opinion) simply aren’t long or detailed enough to allow this intense process to happen. I have been on many courses/conferences where it is evident ‘colleagues’ have a lot of unresolved inner conflict!

Furthermore, training providers have an interest in making sure a good percentage of counselling students qualify from their establishment. Many pass who have resisted/struggled to self-reflect. They qualify, but will not be able to adhere to the ethical guidelines. They and their clients pay the price quite heavily. It would be more appropriate for assessment to be conducted externally. Personal development is brutal if done properly, but the results are priceless.

If you are looking for therapy please make sure your therapist is trained to at least level 4-the diploma, and that they are registered with an ethical body, such as the BACP. Do not be afraid to ask to see their qualifications, especially if dealing with a specific treatment modality such as EMDR. If your therapist has poor boundaries, with timing/their own material, this is an indication their self awareness/self care is not as it should be, walk away and try again, the effort will be worth it. Word of mouth is a good indicator.

Helpful information for anyone who might want it:
Level 5/6 are degree courses and more in depth 3-4 years depending.
Level 7 is masters level in theory this should be deeper still, but please be aware that someone can enter counselling training here, if they already have a bachelor’s degree. If they do their personal development may be as little as 2 years (similar to level 4).

Hope this helps.

PermanentTemporary · 06/04/2024 05:49

Money, principally.
And what feels like a mountain to climb in terms of the initial process.

I recently finished almost five years of integrative psychotherapy following bereavement and a realisation that there were underlying issues which were likely to sabotage me again, and found it very helpful. I have to say I don't even know if that might have been available on the NHS but Im going to say it's unlikely.

In the past I've had two useful short courses of workplace counselling via my employer, both counsellors being very experienced people familiar with my professional setting. Thirty years ago though - I think these days employers tend not to offer this stuff as demand is so high.

I've had a short course of CBT via the NHS for an acute but mild depression. It was so irritating that I decided I preferred the depression.

I have also had a totally useless 'blank wall' style course of psychotherapy long ago. The sort where you ask 'what sort of therapy do you practice' and they respond 'why do you want to know that'. I still dont know the answer. For someone whose struggles are mostly about how to communicate honestly and to connect with people, I loathed every moment. Maybe I would have had some sort of breakthrough eventually?

abracadabra1980 · 06/04/2024 08:10

CBT was a total waste of time for me - my underlying problem has been the man I was married to at the time. Now single and am my own person - and truly content. (I don't believe the state of happiness is a 'normal' frame of mind to expect to achieve, on a regular basis). Content will do for me.

BuddhaAtSea · 06/04/2024 09:30

It was about 8-9 years ago, but I went to the GP and told him I’m not coping, he needs to throw everything at me. I took sertraline, had counselling (4 sessions initially, she extended it to 8), I did CBT, sleep hygiene, wellbeing course. I got on really well with my counsellor, so I then went privately with her for another 6 months or so. I also had BWRT, 2 sessions through a charity, then I paid £300 for another 6 sessions myself, with the same therapist.

So, I had extensive help with my mental health, half NHS, half self funded. But I approached the whole thing practically, as if my hip was bad, or my teeth painful, just kept going at it through whatever means I had.

Just remembered, I even went to relate with ExH about 10 years ago. Yes, the counsellor was foreign, but she was super, no language barrier at all.

In answer to OP’s question, yes, there were barriers, but I kept at it.

ladygindiva · 06/04/2024 10:00

RogersOrganismicProcess · 06/04/2024 05:11

I’m so disheartened to hear of so many of you who feel they have been damaged by counselling or struggled to access quality therapy. Sorry, but I guess not surprised.

I’m a therapist and have also had experiences of bloody awful counselling (the worst was NHS). I’ve also had life changing counselling for trauma. It was so impactful that it inspired me to retrain.

For many people, a negative experience is enough to make them feel counselling isn’t for them, which is such a shame, as the right therapist in the right modality can be a game changer, if the person is ready for change.

The profession needs regulation. At the moment anyone can claim to be a counsellor, and not all training is created equally. A significant element to training is personal development which allows the trainee therapist to gain self awareness. This is critical at ensuring they can work ethically and in the client’s frame of reference. Shorter diploma courses (in my opinion) simply aren’t long or detailed enough to allow this intense process to happen. I have been on many courses/conferences where it is evident ‘colleagues’ have a lot of unresolved inner conflict!

Furthermore, training providers have an interest in making sure a good percentage of counselling students qualify from their establishment. Many pass who have resisted/struggled to self-reflect. They qualify, but will not be able to adhere to the ethical guidelines. They and their clients pay the price quite heavily. It would be more appropriate for assessment to be conducted externally. Personal development is brutal if done properly, but the results are priceless.

If you are looking for therapy please make sure your therapist is trained to at least level 4-the diploma, and that they are registered with an ethical body, such as the BACP. Do not be afraid to ask to see their qualifications, especially if dealing with a specific treatment modality such as EMDR. If your therapist has poor boundaries, with timing/their own material, this is an indication their self awareness/self care is not as it should be, walk away and try again, the effort will be worth it. Word of mouth is a good indicator.

Helpful information for anyone who might want it:
Level 5/6 are degree courses and more in depth 3-4 years depending.
Level 7 is masters level in theory this should be deeper still, but please be aware that someone can enter counselling training here, if they already have a bachelor’s degree. If they do their personal development may be as little as 2 years (similar to level 4).

Hope this helps.

This is very useful, thanks for taking the time to post

Ironingpillowcases · 06/04/2024 10:30

BuddhaAtSea · 06/04/2024 09:30

It was about 8-9 years ago, but I went to the GP and told him I’m not coping, he needs to throw everything at me. I took sertraline, had counselling (4 sessions initially, she extended it to 8), I did CBT, sleep hygiene, wellbeing course. I got on really well with my counsellor, so I then went privately with her for another 6 months or so. I also had BWRT, 2 sessions through a charity, then I paid £300 for another 6 sessions myself, with the same therapist.

So, I had extensive help with my mental health, half NHS, half self funded. But I approached the whole thing practically, as if my hip was bad, or my teeth painful, just kept going at it through whatever means I had.

Just remembered, I even went to relate with ExH about 10 years ago. Yes, the counsellor was foreign, but she was super, no language barrier at all.

In answer to OP’s question, yes, there were barriers, but I kept at it.

How did you find BWRT? I did some training in it but have never used it. It was hailed as a magic process at the time. I would be interested to know how you got on with it and how it helped.

Princessfluffy · 06/04/2024 11:00

Finding the right therapist isn't easy to do especially when you are new to therapy.
There are some good YouTube's and podcast episodes out there that might help anyone who wants to start therapy.

Decoupage · 06/04/2024 13:42

This wasn't a private therapist then? Such a shame that you had this experience and not at all what you needed.

OP posts:
upanddowns · 06/04/2024 14:51

quietautistic · 06/04/2024 01:56

Personally, a combination of cost, admin, and negative past experiences. I do now pay for private therapy, something I know I'm incredibly lucky to be in a position to do, but it took me several years after my last attempt at therapy to build up to it again.

My first two attempts at therapy were arranged through healthcare services, both of which offered exclusively CBT. Firstly, I'm autistic and CBT is now recognised to be pretty ineffective for people with ASD (with the exception of specifically modified CBT). Secondly, I wasn't on any medication and, looking back, without the help of antidepressants I simply was not in the right mindset to get anything out of it. I desperately wanted it to work but I spent every session feeling patronised and ultimately, like nothing would ever be able to help me unless I could do what the therapist was telling me and figure it out for myself. After that I didn't go back for about five years, until I hit a crisis point when I knew I had to go back to therapy or risk losing everything I cared about.

My most recent, and successful, experience with therapy is a combined approach of DBT, transactional analysis, talk therapy, and interpersonal therapy. It has been absolutely invaluable and continues to be, I have a fantastic rapport with my therapist and we've expanded the scope of my counselling over the years as old problems have faded into the background and new challenges have emerged.

To get here, though, I had to do my own research. I was in dire need of help, but I refused to return to CBT. I looked through different types of therapy and found DBT, which from the outset sounded like something that would actually work rather than something I was just desperately hoping would work. The concept met me where I was with the ethos of radical acceptance; the idea that I can learn to work with my negative feelings and learn how to handle them rather than try and force my brain not to have those feelings at all. Of course, my request for a DBT referral was immediately shot down by the GP because "everyone feels like this in their twenties" with the recommendation to "wait five years and see if you still need it." Starting from scratch, I then had to research therapists, set up initial meetings and choose someone I felt I could build a good working relationship with, which I couldn't have done without my family and friends' help to write emails and pick up the phone.

As I say, I was lucky to have those resources, and I was even luckier to have them at a time when I could dedicate the mental energy to the whole process. I do not blame anyone for feeling like therapy is useless based on their past experience, as I know many people who feel that way. Justifiably, I think, considering some people's history with it. Equally, for a lot of people therapy is effectively impossible to access, either the research and communication is too daunting or it is simply too expensive. I really, really wish there was an easy answer but at the moment, I just can't see it.

This happened to me too with CBT. I just couldn't do what they were asking of me and felt stupid and even lower. He told me I wasn't ready for it and suggested going back to my GP.

BuddhaAtSea · 06/04/2024 15:09

Ironingpillowcases · 06/04/2024 10:30

How did you find BWRT? I did some training in it but have never used it. It was hailed as a magic process at the time. I would be interested to know how you got on with it and how it helped.

It did feel like magic 😆. It did manage to change the neuro pathways, couldn’t tell you how.
I work in an extremely stressful environment, similar to the ones BWRT was invented for. When the proverbial REALLY hits the fan, BWRT made the following possible: my breathing slows down, my heart rate is around 40-45, there is almost no fight of flight anymore, I can feel my shoulders slowing going down and I can control my adrenaline surges, although I couldn’t tell you how I do it. My mind, my breathing, my heart rate, my whole body is very very calm and precise. And it hasn’t slipped once in 4 years. And the stuff I deal with day to day is not for the faint hearted. I can just go to sleep afterwards, I’m ok. It’s not detachment, I want to describe it as clarity, maybe? I can remember every single minutiae of the incident with some sort of detachment, but not as if it happens to someone else, but I can’t access the usual/normal/understandable fears/panic/anxiety. It time I grew to forget they even existed.
HTH

upanddowns · 06/04/2024 16:36

I had telephone counselling through the NHS during Covid, it was awful. She kept just sending me links to YouTube videos and then told me I was getting better, I definitely wasn't!

Ironingpillowcases · 06/04/2024 17:26

BuddhaAtSea · 06/04/2024 15:09

It did feel like magic 😆. It did manage to change the neuro pathways, couldn’t tell you how.
I work in an extremely stressful environment, similar to the ones BWRT was invented for. When the proverbial REALLY hits the fan, BWRT made the following possible: my breathing slows down, my heart rate is around 40-45, there is almost no fight of flight anymore, I can feel my shoulders slowing going down and I can control my adrenaline surges, although I couldn’t tell you how I do it. My mind, my breathing, my heart rate, my whole body is very very calm and precise. And it hasn’t slipped once in 4 years. And the stuff I deal with day to day is not for the faint hearted. I can just go to sleep afterwards, I’m ok. It’s not detachment, I want to describe it as clarity, maybe? I can remember every single minutiae of the incident with some sort of detachment, but not as if it happens to someone else, but I can’t access the usual/normal/understandable fears/panic/anxiety. It time I grew to forget they even existed.
HTH

Very interesting. The claims made for it are very wide ranging. It was invented by a very well respected and experienced hypnotherapist.

climbthathill129 · 06/04/2024 18:38

The cost unfortunately.
I would also be a bit scared but would absolutely love to clear my head and understand myself better too.

wavingfuriously · 06/04/2024 19:10

upanddowns · 06/04/2024 16:36

I had telephone counselling through the NHS during Covid, it was awful. She kept just sending me links to YouTube videos and then told me I was getting better, I definitely wasn't!

That sounds rubbish, sorry you had that experience

Meadowfinch · 07/04/2024 03:32

Distrust and common sense.

Why would I share my inner-most thoughts with a total stranger. Have those thoughts recorded and added to a medical record for my gp to see. Knowing that once there is a record, it will never be deleted.

No thanks. I'd rather deal with any issues myself.

upanddowns · 09/04/2024 01:14

Can I ask what BWRT is?

Ironingpillowcases · 09/04/2024 01:16

Brain Working Recursive Therapy.

upanddowns · 09/04/2024 09:11

Thanks.

ScepticalConspiracyTheorist · 09/04/2024 11:04

The Advertising Standards Authority on misleading claims about BWRT

https://www.asa.org.uk/rulings/bwrt-ltd-A19-561688.html

HTH

BWRT Ltd

https://www.asa.org.uk/rulings/bwrt-ltd-A19-561688.html

ScepticalConspiracyTheorist · 09/04/2024 11:34

Ironingpillowcases · 06/04/2024 17:26

Very interesting. The claims made for it are very wide ranging. It was invented by a very well respected and experienced hypnotherapist.

🤣🤣🤣
Sorry, I don't mean to be rude but I shall just have to say that my perspective is different

Not about the wide ranging claims, as the ASA rulings evidence that bit is true

I always feel dismay when posters in forums describe extremely controversial therapists as "very well respected" or "distinguished". No decent therapist needs such prefixes before their name and the use of such by admiring online posters is a red flag in my opinion

In my experience vulnerable people should be especially alert to and sceptical of recommendations of therapists and therapy schools by anonymous posters on message boards.

When disreputable organisations are sanctioned by the ASD or other agencies for making misleading claims, such organisations can still be promoted online by their members / followers / stakeholders without necessarily running into further legal problems

There really should be greater public protection

Due to the recent ASA rulings BWRT is actually a very helpful example to evidence the ways in which vulnerable people who are seeking help can be mislead by false claims

There are many other therapies making false claims and potential consumers of therapy really need to be on the ball re doing proper research, easier said than done given the appalling state of NHS mental health services, the proliferation of quack therapies and therapy schools and the vulnerability of potential clients and service users

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