What prevents you from seeking mental health support e.g. counselling or a psychotherapist?

[Decoupage]

I've been in therapy for three times and each time found it invaluable so I am wondering what the barriers are to seeking mental health support? I think there are some obvious ones like stigma, shame and justifying investment in self over others. Of course that assumes that you are at a stage of knowing it would be good to get the support. Would you share what it is for you?

Stigma, feeling things aren't 'that bad' or others have it worse, worries about what they might ask or say, childcare issues

They just sit, fill depression score worksheet and do this scripted chin rubbing and "Aaaand....how does this make you feel?"

Don't really expect them to be intelligent, I guess, I can find my own answers on the Internet better.

Agreed. And similarly, this is why I haven't dared try antidepressants - because you could take months feeling worse, being told to "stick with it a few more weeks... okay, try a higher dose... higher again... okay, try a different AD... and another..." The 'cost' to you is a couple of years yo-yoing up and down on drugs, with all their side effects, which are then notoriously difficult to wean off...

And that's if you can even get a GP appointment in the first place, let alone being monitored or able to get seen in a crisis...

Previous bad experience of a counsellor who nit picked over semantics of anything I said but didn't get to the heart of the issue.

It felt like talking to a 3 year old in the 'why?' phase. Infuriating, expensive and pointless.

I have bipolar disorder and for me I feel there have generally been diminishing returns from having therapy. The first time was genuinely life-changing and made me look at everything differently.

It’s been a bit hit and miss ever since, although I have generally found it to some degree helpful to talk things through in real-time with someone trained.

With one specific exception. I think the therapist was genuinely trying to help me but I’m not sure if we had a personality clash or she fundamentally misunderstood what my issues were etc. or whether things were particularly difficult then (which they were going through family court with my abusive ex regarding child custody issues), but my sessions with her definitely made things worse. And I was paying through the nose for them privately as well as she had come very highly recommended by my private psychiatrist, sadly now retired, who was worth her weight in gold. I did discuss it with her but she said that was a good thing and I needed to push through the discomfort in order to improve things long term so I persevered. Eventually my parents (who would normally never dream of getting involved in my decisions about my mental health care and leave it to me) encouraged me to stop the sessions as they were upsetting me so much. That experience has definitely left me quite wary of therapy although I did have some very good CBT with a MIND practitioner later on.

I feel for me getting my psychiatric medication regime right seems to do much more for me than therapy these days.

The other thing is that it seems to have become completely impossible since the pandemic to access any free face to face sessions on the NHS locally. I have tried telephone and online counselling but in my opinion it’s really not the same as sitting right there with someone and talking to them. And nowhere near as effective. But none of our multitude of local services available on the NHS offer this option any more. Except for MIND who have had a full waiting list for the past couple of years and are effectively shut to new referrals.

I do have friends and relatives who have found therapy invaluable.

I wouldn't have the funds to go private and I am not convinced that CBT is the cure all it is presented to be ( and this is the main NHS offering ). I have very little faith in NHS mental health care, it is on the brink. Still the best thing for an emergency or an acute crisis, but very compromised in terms of delivering much else. I think an increased awareness of mental.health has created an idea that there is lots of help available. Not sure this is the case sadly.

I think medication can be life saving, but again the evidence of it helping with moderate / mild depression is not so good. And that is where I would have sat at times.

For me the best strategies seems to be exercise, trying to eat OK and keeping busy. Trying new things and meeting new people when I can. Having two dogs has been life saving for me on many days. They are so therapeutic for me.

@Decoupage , I'm wondering about what issues brought you towards seeking a therapist (not that you under any obligation to share these, of course), because to me it seems quite striking, even surprising, that you have found the therapy invaluable each time. I'm well into my second year of weekly NHS psychotherapy (with a good therapist whom I respect a lot) and have yet to experience any kind of breakthrough, though I find the sessions very supportive.

I suspect that the reality for very many people is that the mental health support they receive, if they seek it, is relatively marginal - something that they can't decisively say was worth the investment of time and in some cases money. That uncertainty of benefit is one barrier.

I'd also like to second those who say that it is hard to find a therapist. When waiting for NHS treatment I did my research into private therapists, picked one, and she was just so dreadful, so lacking in any disciplined or focused approach that I thought that the business of finding a therapist was as hopeless as looking for a fossil among all the pebbles in the beach. So I stopped.

And to that I'd like to add that many people in need of mental health support are just too ill to search effectively for therapists, make a decision, follow it through. Your question "what are the barriers to seeking mental health support" just made me want to answer "my mental ill-health is the barrier".

I suspect that private therapy is actually more accessible to people who are quite high functioning, despite any difficulties they may have. There is nothing wrong with that, of course. Mentally well people seek therapy to improve their mental wellbeing just like physically healthy people go to the gym to improve their fitness. That is a good thing, something that everyone should feel is within their reach, ideally. But private therapy is often not a solution for people who have significant mental health problems.

Been on anti depressants for around 15 years - low dosage with periods off them until life crises overwhelmed me again. Therapy/counselling has been suggested several times but tbh I don't have the money and the few times I've tried it, its felt like a waste of money!

The only person who can sort myself out is me - I know all the logical platitudes about how i'm feeling ie I'm not fat and disgusting, I'm not a pathetic failure in life cos I'm divorced etc etc but the voice of the depression gremlin drowns out the platitudes sometimes and only I can make it quieten down and/or not listen to it.

@blobby10 The only person who can sort myself out is me

You are right, but you're going about it the wrong way by trying to quieten it down or not listening to it. All that's going to do is make it louder and more insistent.

When that inner voice is saying horrible things about you it's not trying to hurt you, it's repeating what you've been told (by others) and you've come to believe.

Imagine if that part of your mind that criticises you were to suddenly break. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and being unable to give yourself any negative feedback or criticism. How much criticism would you actually receive that day? I would put money on that being - none.

Now imagine being really kind to yourself instead, saying things like "it took a lot of courage to end (accept the end of) my marriage and I deserve happiness as much as everyone else". Or "Yes, I need to lose weight. If you can help me by stopping me craving (whatever) that would make me happy."

I know it sounds wacky - and don't do it in public! - but talking to yourself as your best friend will make a huge difference.

Oh, and change your user name to 'sexycurves' 😊

@Eyesopenwideawake Thankyou!! I will try your suggestions - to be honest the only person who has ever told me anything negative is me ☺️- I’ve never been able to live up to my own expectations . Mostly the feelings of uselessness are under control, they just escape every now and then ☺️☺️

My daughter is 17 and needs counselling. Her barriers - she had it once we waited 18 months and despite requesting a woman she got a male counsellor she could not talk to him at all and she didn’t get any further.

she has a counsellor available at school but she head girl and high functionally autistic and doesn’t want to talk to them feeling she will be judged at school or it will be on her school record

counselling has a long waiting list, I can’t afford for her to go private- so what now?

This might help you better understand yourself;

https://www.betterrelationships.org.au/well-being/core-beliefs-self-acceptance/

I got offered CBT on the NHS but I don’t bother after the initial call when it became apparent it was all going to be over the phone (one of my anxiety sourses), and that they would call me (unscheduled, another source) which meant I may have to take the call at work (where I really struggle with being seen as ‘weaker’ or ‘different’)

The reality of a lot of my mental challenges is I know that counselling won’t change is the way stuff happens here. Most of my problems stem from previous NHS care or lack thereof, and being treated differently because of a disability. Because I’m no longer a child getting these things solved now will be expensive, and still likely painful because of other issues that have developed since. I don’t think counselling/therapy will solve that. I won’t go on medications that require regular review especially blood tests, so I’m not really that interested in the whole thing. It’s essentially PTSD linked and has made me feel quite worthless as an individual because I’m ’not worth the risk’

Id be interested in a genuine specialist in my area who has the authority to offer practical solutions to my issues to relieve some day to day stress and anxiety but that doesn’t seem to be how the NHS operates.

Basically it seems like a jumping through a load of stressful hoops that will probably make me feel worse, whilst having to fork out a load of cash for the privilege!

@GoodOldEmmaNess I agree that it is like looking for fossils on a beach of stones. The times I have been to therapy there have been different reasons and for different lengths of time. I don't think that they were surface issues, I don't think they could be tbh or I would have sorted them out on my own. I am interested in the difference between my pro going to therapy and friends negative attitude to it. There is a negative link in their mind that they can't be 'that in need of therapy' when in fact they really are, they are just resistant and generally they stay stuck on whatever it is they are stuck in.

I've used low-cost therapy services and private and I see it as an investment in me. I have had some points where I was thinking 'why am I going' but invariably it has been part of the issue I was experiencing. I have not accessed any through my GP in part because I heard negative things and they are biased toward CBT and short-term therapy.

Concerns about confidentiality.

Cost, I’d love to have a weekly or even monthly session but I just can’t afford it!

The IAPT therapists really are barely trained, aren't they?

I have tried it four times and I am trying to work out how to get it right, but by now I also know it makes things worse in the short term.

First time counsellor told me she couldn't deal with the ongoing issues because their needed to be addressed directly - fair

Second time during lockdown. A lot of CBT and mindfulness and visualising. Whenever I tried to visualise a safe place etc I felt desperately unsafe and unhappy. I felt as if I wouldn't need counselling if I could manage the CBT

Third time, last year. Felt I needed it to help with stress at work. But taking time out to do it and being a bit upset afterwards disrupted work time so much I lost more than the very small gain. There was a small gain but I couldn't afford to keep going at that rate

Fourth time, have used five out of six work funded sessions. End of session five the counsellor, who seems very insightful, told me she thinks I've been dealing (badly) with trauma since that first set of counselling. So I will need specialist help apparently.

But how will I get it? I have three weeks before next session with her. GP would have to refer me and that would take another six weeks. Mind have no advice apart from GP. I looked at BACP and it is just so difficult to tell if anyone can help or what they really specialise in. And how can I know what methods work for me?

I feel I need a triage service that just doesn't exist - a talk with someone who would tell me what kind of counselling they would recommend. Everyone either says shop around websites or that they refer to a standard service. Is there anyone - paid or not - who would just give time for a talk about what might help without trying to sell me their own services. Does that exist?

All the websites are so similar - everyone specialises in everything and they are nearly all holistic in their methods so what does that tell me.

I feel really exposed since that last discussion with my counsellor. I would so gladly pay for someone to advise me - not for a trial session to see if we click, but for someone who would just talk me through who might be able to help me and how. I feel as if someone has taken me apart to see how I work and maybe they got that right. But there doesn't seem to be a plan to put me back together.

You talk about therapy as an investment but does it actually work? How do I know anything is going to help? I've invested and I keep trying and I feel so abandoned trying to find solutions on my own.

Not found it helpful

cant really tell the truth about some things

In the past when I was really unwell, I found talking therapies to be a pointless waste of time. Not because I thought they were making me worse or anything, I just came away feeling that they hadn't taught me anything I didn't already know or wasn't already aware of, and psychotherapy in particular felt completely pointless. It consisted of spending week after week sitting in a room, asking the therapist why, precisely, I was coming to them, getting no answers at all, and no indication whatsoever with regards to what the course was supposed to actually achieve.

I wouldn't consider it again should I get ill, and I can completely understand why a lot of people refuse to consider it in the belief they are worthless. They aren't the great cure-all the NHS likes to pretend.

I feel that it's like a lot of things on the NHS too - I'm not going to get help unless it's life-threatening. It's not. So as soon as I've answered the "thoughts of self-harm" question, I'm (rightly) not a priority.

But how on earth can I shop around on my own without damaging myself even more? I just don't feel that there is any expert advice. If someone could say, it's trauma, you can't visualise things effectively, you have probable ADHD (counsellor 3), and you have synesthesia so EMDR would / wouldn't work, and you have temporal lobe epilepsy which means it might be this medication, and you are single and need to support yourself so we need to prioritise work, and let's not forget the menopause ...

I feel that you get so much on counsellors pages about them and their approach and how it can fix - oh pretty much everything - but what I need is someone who says, I know what works for someone like you.

Previous experience via the NHS left me suicidal.
Can't afford private.
Don't have the mental or emotional energy to do much at all, tbh, let alone sort out my mental health. Yes this is a vicious and depressive circle.

I currently have access to a sort of counsellor who isn't right for me, and I don't have much trust in, but beggars can't be choosers. But no energy etc.

No idea what I can do.

Need it but the cost!!😳 was quoted £200 for initial session and then £100 for 40 minute sessions. If you have private medical insurance go for it!!

Really think not everyone can help others ..and the few that can - unfortunately are very expensive 😕

Because I've seen 2 in the past (for different reasons/situations) neither were any good for me. Sorry but I'm not convinced it's the panacea it's made out to be.