What prevents you from seeking mental health support e.g. counselling or a psychotherapist?

[Decoupage]

I've been in therapy for three times and each time found it invaluable so I am wondering what the barriers are to seeking mental health support? I think there are some obvious ones like stigma, shame and justifying investment in self over others. Of course that assumes that you are at a stage of knowing it would be good to get the support. Would you share what it is for you?

I have seen over ten counsellors over the same time period. Only one was of very limited help. In general I found none of them had anything helpful to say or helped me cope with life any better. At best they were just someone to offload on, at worst they were actively damaging. I have also seen a family member completely change personality for the worst and all family relationships ruined as a result of counselling.

I had counselling through the NHS with Minds Matter after the sudden death of my mum.

I felt as though the therapist was going through a generic script, rather than listening. She kept asking me to set myself goals. I was already productive, but felt I didn’t want to live on. It was a useless and patronising exercise.

A number of service won't accept me because I'm too risky due to my diagnosis of bipolar or oddly, not risky enough due to having had stable mental health (on medication) for a significant number of years. Also had a referral declined as "not sad enough" based on PHQ scoring (see previous comment about stable MH).

The ridiculous thing being that if my MH wasn't stable the absolute last thing I should be doing is any sort of trauma work. I had previously tried interpersonal therapy which wasn't useful due to trauma and EMDR which wasn't helpful as too retraumatising.

A further difficulty is I work in MH services in the same area I live and for secondary care the GP insists on sending referrals to a team I share an office / manager with and I don't want to be assessed by someone I then have to sit in meetings with / share a table for lunch. Not that I think they are unprofessional in any way, I think they would be extremely careful to be professional about it but they wouldn't be able to unknow either.

I can't bear to unpack it all. I have to keep supporting others. Nothing will change anyway.

I’ve also known of quite a few very dodgy therapists who I think should never be doing the job because they have so many issues themselves. It’s made me very wary.

BACP website, for example, gives a long list of types of therapy but at the top says your relationship with the counsellor is more important than the type.

I just feel that a little guidance on any evidence base for what works for what might help. And I don't know what my relationship with my counsellor is meant to be like. I suppose if I'd been uncomfortable or unhappy with any of them I'd have stayed away but I get on fine with 99 percent of people so why would counsellors be any different? They're not meant to be friends, are they.

I've name changed so I can be completely honest about this. I need help. I suffer from, undiagnosed, OCD. I have compulsions think door checking, tap checking, hand washing (sometimes until they bleed), cleaning. I also have terrible intrusive thoughts. Imagine the worst thing you could think. I think it. They I'll think of all the reasons why my thoughts don't define me but my actions do. I have suicidal thoughts and self harming thoughts but Im not depressed and I actually don't want to hurt myself.

I referred myself for therapy. I didn't tell them any of this. I mentioned the compulsions but nothing else and they wrote to my HV because I have children. They said that it's standard practice with under 5 even if I'm not a risk to myself or them. I most certainly won't engage any further. It's a pointless exercise if I can't be honest. And I won't be honest. I don't trust them.

Had CBT, and felt really awkward and indulgent. I'm no good at talking about deep issues.

Cost here too. Was told ( 20 years ago) after being very seriously assaulted ( almost died) and suffering PTSD so bad I was agoraphobic that there was a 6 to 12 month waiting list for counselling/therapy. Funnily enough my assailant got therapy and counselling as part of his probation for free. Wtaf.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It seems a lack of faith in the system and distrust in what private information will be shared or come back to hurt us, is a common theme.

But that all sounds so tough and the assumption that your issues will impact your parenting to the point your HV needs to be notified so soon, is unfair and likely to make anyone back away from finding the help they need.

It all just sucks.

Mental health services are shocking where I live that’s why no one bothers as they’re just not available

Cost, a terrible experience at a first therapy session (and as a result I haven't seen once since), and the fact that no therapist can change the situation (which, if resolved, would solve all the issues!).

Apparently, it's standard practice (where I live) to refer it to the HV even if no safeguarding concerns are identified. Had they told me that upfront I wouldn't have even done the assessment.

@Anon23456 they refer to HV just because you asked for therapy? That is shocking.

Yes. I asked for therapy and they did an initial assessment. Two weeks after the assessment they called to outline what services / help would be available to me. It sort of felt like they were the middle man if that makes sense but it was the NHS service / contact in my area. Anyhow, they said that they had sent a letter to the HV saying that I had requested therapy. I had been accessed as having low mood and didn't pose a safeguarding risk. They said it was standard practice for all parents with children under the age of 5. They at no point said this prior to the assessment. They did say if I was a risk to myself or others they would have to share that hence me being guarded and not particularly honest or transparent during the assessment. I'm not sure of the point if you can't be honest and lay it all out on the table but I wanted to explore a specific issue.

Edited to add: the health visitor never actually contacted me. However, I have no trust in these people.

I believe a good therapist can be life changing. I've seen three in my life. Two were completely unhelpful. One was quite good.

I'd be worried I'd have to disclose it to a new employer.

I'd also be worried I'd have to disclose it when taking out life/illness cover. They can't refuse you cover but they can increase the premiums significantly.

I'm a therapist, Person Centred Counsellor.

I had therapy myself through the NHS following a break up that had depleted my self esteem.

My god, was he useless. He seemed almost afraid of me! I felt like I got absolutely nothing out of those sessions. He asked me in the first session how I felt about him being a man and I told him I didn't mind at all. The next session he asked me the same question-that really irritated me for some reason. Not relevant to the reasons I were there and he already knew the answer. Seemed like a stalling tactic.

@Anon23456 "They at no point said this prior to the assessment."

that is appalling.

I found it incredibly difficult to access any support. Anxiety stops me from making phone calls, and that means I can't contact my GP. Self referral doesn't seem possible. Private therapy is too expensive. Samaritans just echo back at you the same things.

This. And the cost.
And once I open the box I doubt can afford the necessary clean up operation

@upanddowns

Anxiety stops me from making phone calls, and that means I can't contact my GP

I recently had a back-and-forth with my own GP surgery about the fact it isn't possible for me to phone them. After initially insisting this was literally the only way I could request an appointment, and me standing my ground and pointing out that claiming they would not accept a written request, an email, or even me standing in the surgery itself and asking for an appointment (yes, really) is palpably nonsense, they finally relented and admitted that they couldn't refuse to see me just because of barriers they had placed themselves, and that if I went along in the morning when they are seeing other patients on scheduled appointments, they would fit me in.

The point is, you have an absolute right to see a GP and they have no business making that impossible for you, on the contrary, they should be bending over backwards to facilitate it. I appreciate you may well be in different circumstances to me and may not be able to go in person, but there will be someone who can arrange an appointment for you, an Advocacy service or something. If they persist in being awkward and obstructive, MP's letters tend to gee these sorts of things along.

Is there anyone you can think of who might be able to assist you? It's not acceptable that you can't access a GP just because you can't use the phone, and it's not acceptable for the surgery to insist upon it.

Thank you for your reply. Tbh going in person is difficult too. The only person who could advocate for me are my very elderly mum and my DP, who struggles himself with phone calls. But it's a good point and something I shall take into consideration when needing an appointment.

If you could get along, or if you were able to write a letter, there should be a practice manager there to address your concern. If you make it clear that telephone simply is not an option for you, and ask them what other means would be acceptable, it puts the ball in their court. I suggested letter or email to mine, both of which they rejected, but I think that if I had really pushed it and insisted on a face-to-face with the seemingly permanently out of the office Practice Manager, I believe they would have eventually capitulated and agreed to my proposal.

The simple fact is, there are people who can not use a telephone for physical reasons, not because of mental health conditions, or simply because they don't want to. There are also, believe it or not, people who simply do not have a phone and do not have access to one, and also have nobody to make a call on their behalf, so for the surgery to insist this it literally the only way to make an appointment is clearly nonsense, because if that were held to across the board and without exception, they would be barring a whole tranche of people from accessing a basic service to which they have every right.

Good Luck!

I've had therapy a few times and found it helpful. However the last time I really didn't gel with the therapist and it cost a lot, more than the lovely lady I had previously used who had retired.
Honestly I just don't want to have to start all over again and go over decades of history just to get to the bit I want help with, which is more recent. I literally feel like if they'd just let me start say, 5 years ago I could get on board but I'm past the whole "Ooh you must feel like that because XYZ happened when you were 6!" stuff.