TW I don’t want to be here anymore

[crazyaginglady]

I’m scared to say too much in case it’s identifying but I’m a drain a d a burden and I just don’t see a future for myself. I think it would be best if I wasn’t here but I don’t want to leave my children, I love them so much. I can’t stop feeling like this though. I am too ashamed to tell anyone. I don’t know what to do.

im so tired of it I always end up here but now it’s worse

Please don’t be ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed about, and your GP will have heard this from many other people.

And someone who loves their kids so much is never a burden, and of immeasurable value.

It sounds like you're at the peak of emotional pain OP. It will be a bumpy ride but it can only get better. There are good times ahead but you might not be able to imagine that now.

Are you getting help already? Any medication especially

Please get help reach out to anyone who will listen. I had severe PND and felt like this after having my no 18 month old - it’s been a long road but I’m getting there.

I’ve been in sertraline for a couple of years. If i manage my environment I can cope but if something bad happens i just spiral. I have such low self esteem, I think I'm doing ok but it’s always there. Now all i think of how fucking useless I am. I just despair that I’m back here again. The lows have got worse, I’ve not felt I wanted to hurt myself until recently. I’m exhausted.

I know this feeling and believe me I know how low you are. I actually came off my Sertraline and it made me feel a lot better ( I am not advocating this as I am in no way a GP just my personal experience) your kids need you and this isn’t a decision you can come back from as I am sure you’re aware. You think you are a burden but taking yourself away will just create a big void in their life that will never be filled.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

I feel I shouldn’t have posted now, please I don’t want anyone to feel upset by the thread. I’ll get some sleep, might ask mumsnet to delete. Add self centred to the list.

Op I'm glad you made the thread. People are here to listen and to help. Get some sleep but please ring your gp in the morning x

You aren't self centred. You are poorly. Please go and see your doctor tomorrow and let us know how you got on.

I was also suffering HUGELY with PND. Really intense and severe. Started around 6 weeks after birth. I was suicidal. Went to GP and he kept prescribing medication but it didn’t work, so he’d double the dosage, didn’t work. So I’d try another one (including sertraline) again… nothing. Eventually, he prescribed me Citalopram 40mg and it saved changed my life. Girl if you need me PM me. I want to help you. I’ve a lot of experience and I managed through to the other side.

It may feel like you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there I promise you. Just keep pushing. Book emergency GP in the morning, or if things are too severe, get down to A&E tonight and present yourself to the mental health team. You and your kids deserve happiness and it will come.

💜❤️💜❤️

Your emotions are valid OP. I am currently going through the same just now, on survival mode and stuck in a constant state of not wanting to live like this and not wanting to die because I love my kids etc so much.
I feel like a useless waste of space etc too.
Please go back to your gp and get an emergency appointment with a crisis team.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE 💚

Please call your local crisis team for support and to have your medication reviewed. There is nothing to be ashamed about as this is not your fault.
My DD has recently been where you are and is now recovering but it’s been very hard for her so I can only imagine what you’re going through. It has been heartbreaking to see her in so much despair.
Hang onto the fact that your DCs love and need you and you are so important to them.
You will get better, even though that may seem impossible to you now and there are people out there who WILL help you to get better. Take care.

Hi OP

I'm really sorry to hear you are struggling. Have you spoken to your GP about this recently? It may be worth making an emergency appointment.

Just remember, despite how you feel currently you are loved and valued by many people in your life. The way you feel about yourself is a symptom of your mental health and is not a sum of your worth and value x

@crazyaginglady Hey how are you today?

@crazyaginglady hope your okay.

We are always here for a chat about anything at all xx

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry you feel this way.

Have you ever had therapy?

I'm a CBT therapist and regularly work with clients on their self esteem and building resilience.

It could really help you and is a very practical, solution focused therapy.

Please speak to your GP if you haven't already xxx