PND and suicidal

[flowerpot258]

Baby is 5 weeks. I have 2 other kids. Oldest is 9, other is nearly 2.

I've not been diagnosed with PND but since I've just had a baby I assume it'll be classed as that. I could be wrong.

I've already spoken to the doctor and I'm on anti depressants. Husband keeps urging me to go and speak to someone. I have an appointment with the CPN in a few days.

Nights are the worst with the sleep deprivation and I'm ready to end it all. I've had these thoughts for at least a week now. It's not just the sleep deprivation but that's definitely not helping the whole situation.

Husband keeps telling me to call nhs 24 but what can they really do apart from arrange therapy. I've not harmed myself so far and I can't see them doing anything until I actually did something and needed medical attention.

I suppose what I'm asking is what to do in this situation? Is it worth giving someone a Call or do I just wait and speak to the CPN or HV? Will they even do anything? I feel like I'm beyond speaking to someone about all this. If counselling is the only thing they can offer then it's a waste of time. I do feel I need some kind of help but I'm just not sure 'talking therapy' will be useful.

I wake up from very little sleep and wish I never woke up at all.

I’ve been where you are. When I started getting sleep I felt a lot better. Not well still, but a lot better. Can you arrange for a couple of good nights sleep in a row? Counselling will help too, as will the ADs when they kick in, when did you start them?

@Namechangechangeobv Not really tbh. Me and hubby have been doing the nights in shifts but he's back to work now and I feel guilty.

I did ask his mum if she would take the baby overnight but she's too scared to take her because she feels the baby is a bit young yet.

Well I was already on AD, they have just increased my dose 2-3 weeks ago but I don't feel it's helping yet.

Yeah you need to let the guilt go and get some sleep. Believe me, I know how hard that it but it will make you feel better.

I had a 9 year old when my baby was born and everything was so hard, trying to manage both just felt impossible. In the end, with sleep and help I rode it out but it was rough old road. You will get there.

@Namechangechangeobv do you feel like you are back to your old self? At this stage i feel like i will never be 'normal' again.

Can you go to A&E? They can arrange for you to see the duty psychiatrist today. Do you think that you need to go into hospital for a while? I feel like I'm asking you loads of questions, but is your husband back at work? I'm worried about how you will cope during the day if you are by yourself next week. I have never had PND but I have been suicidal so many times and have tried to take my life several times so I really do know how it feels to be rock bottom. I so badly wish I could make things better for you. I am sending you a hug and so much love ❤️ xx

Sorry just re read that your husband is back at work

You need sleep and not to feel guilty about it. Your husband needs to take the night shift for a few days so you can catch up and some one needs to entertain the 2 yo in the afternoon so you can get a nap. We’re not supposed to be doing it all ourselves. You will feel more like you can cope with some sleep. Sending a very big hug x

Yes, 100% back to normal. And I never, ever thought I would or could be. I thought I had ruined my life and everyone’s life by having the baby.

Oh sweetheart. You are really unwell and it's because your hormones are compyout of control, this is a physical problem that needs treating medically like an infection would. You need to go either go up to the hospital or see your GP in the morning and they will help fix this. Just like an infection it won't get better just with medication, your brain also needs sleep. The guilt is part of the hormones putting unrelenting pressure on you which is making it all worse. Your husband feeling a bit tired for a few weeks is nothing on how tired he would be if you weren't around anymore is it. It will be ok, but you need to do some uncomfortable things first, show your husband this thread as the first step x

Lack of sleep can make you feel as if you're going insane. You need to get that sleep urgently. Is there anyone who can help with the children, even if it's just for a couple of nights. I know it all seems hopeless at the moment but you must keep going and get as much help as you can.

You can go to A&e and say you are feeling suicidal. I had terrible antenatal depression and they were going to find me a bed in a mum and baby unit. That may be an option?

Thanks everyone for the advice and support- @myheadisaterribleplace @AceofPentacles I would be open to A&E and a potential hospital stay but I'm under the impression that they won't actually do anything? Unless I'm an immediate danger to myself or others I think they would just tell me to ride it out until I can speak to the CPN or HV. I don't have experience with hospital and mental health but I've heard a few people who have went down saying they were depressed and they wanted to kill themselves and just got turned away because the hospital didn't believe they would harm themselves

If you are having thoughts about ending your life, then that's definitely an emergency. Hospital is usually a last resort but if you see a duty psychiatrist today they are usually able to arrange for you to have daily support from the home treatment team (not sure if its called this where you are, but basically they can see you everyday for a while to prevent a hospital stay and if they feel like you can't keep yourself safe they will arrange for you to go into hospital). The duty psychiatrist can also start you on new medication. Please, please go to A&E if you feel able to. If you did go, is there anyone who could go with you? Xxxx

I'm sorry you're in this position.

I think these are the questions that will determine if you're at immediate risk and would end up being admitted.

Do you have a plan for how you would end your life?

Have you made any preparations to carry out a plan?

If you have a plan, do you know a time when you will act on it?

Have you written any letters/notes/a will?

Have you hurt yourself at all so far?

Is anyone with you to keep you safe?

Are you under the perinatal psychiatry team (is that where you’re seeing the CPN)? They should have a Duty number open office hours from tomorrow - I would call them, tell them how bad it is and they will be able to speak to you and hopefully bring your appointment forward. Until then keep talking to your family and keep yourself safe. If you feel unsafe and like you will act on the thoughts please tell someone/999 and go to A and E. You can and will feel better - there are treatments including antidepressants and therapy. Xx

Go to A&E and tell them you’re on a knife edge and want to kill yourself. Tell your mother in law too that the lack of sleep is making you suicidal

Thanks everyone. I have called nhs 24 for advice. I am waiting for a CPN to contact me within the hour. I will mention to them about maybe different medication.

OP are you planning to end your life or wishing it would end? Are the suicidal thoughts fleeting or always there?

If you have a plan to end your life and may end up going through with it in the depths of sleep deprivation, please go to A&E and tell them this. If it is more that you wish your life would end because things are so hard, chase the referral for perinatal team first thing tomorrow and please ask someone to help you with watching baby so you can sleep. Can your mil watch them in the day while you sleep? Your DH take time off? Are you in a place financially where you could have a night nanny for a short period (even few days) to allow you to sleep? Please prioritise your sleep right now - it is so so important

I’m so glad you’ve made the call OP.

I’ve been where you are and it was the most torturous period of me life. When my husbands went back to work I used to hang out in John Lewis all day until he picked me up as I knew I wouldn’t hill myself in there.

I want to give you some hope that I am 100% better now and we are all thriving. I couldn’t have imagined it.

My friend also had a stay in a mother and baby unit which she says really helped her.

Good luck op, you’re doing all the right things

Some really good advice here already - I haven't read all the replies but just a couple of thoughts... Can you talk to your health visitor and ask to be referred to the peri natal mental health team- hopefully then you can see a psychiatrist and get support there. You mentioned you're already on antidepressants - I wonder if they need more time for you to adjust to them (can feel worse at first) or if you need to talk to GP about increasing your dose? Myself and a friend are both on sertraline and she's on 100mg, I'm on 50. Her psychiatrist said that 50 is too low to have an effect for some people - we're all different. Also I have found talking therapy really helps, being really honest with a couple of close friends about what's going on. And to know that this will pass. PND is so hard but it's not forever, there's light at the end of the tunnel I promise, even when you feel low. Feel free to DM me, currently working through PND myself too. Sorry gotta dash so this was a bit rushed but sending lots of love xx

Glad you made the call.

You need to stop feeling guilty about getting your dp to help with nights. Yes he’s going to be tired if he’s back at work but that’s life, he isn’t battling recovering from birth and crippling pnd as well. If you’re unwell he needs to either take time off for medical reasons to care for you and the dc or at the very least continue to share the nights.

I just want to say I am thinking of you. I have been there and I promise it will get better, but take all the support you can

pandasfoundation.org.uk/how-we-can-support-you/free-helpline/

This organisation is for you. You don't need to suffer like this. There is light ahead.

Hi @flowerpot258

We're so sorry that you're having a difficult time with things. It sounds like you're really exhausted and we feel for you. It's not easy.

We have some more information about postnatal depression here. We also wanted to share Mind’s information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything that might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the links above. You might also want to look at Mumsnet's Postnatal health board or our section on Sleep.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you - if you are really struggling it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Best wishes,
MNHQ

How are you feeling now? Did you manage to speak to anyone? Thinking of you xx