Desperately low

[Mummyrj18]

This is my third post in a few days. Feeling so desperate !!
was experiencing low mood and anxiety and started sertraline a couple weeks ago. I know they can make you feel
worse before better so been trying to ride it out but today I feel horrendous low mood and panic. Intrusive thoughts . Has anyone felt this bad on sertraline at the beginning ? My mood couldn't be any lower. I'm talking to my gp but I don't know how to get through the days right now.

I have three children I need to get better xxx

I think I posted on your other thread too-sorry you are still struggling. Sertraline have been a game changer for me, but the first 3/4 weeks I felt like I could have curled up on the pavement - or anywhere outside and slept, I was that fatigued. I'd just started progesterone at the time so I still don't know which one caused that feeling, but what I do know now, 6 months in, is that they have worked so well for me. I used to cry and wish I was dead every day - now I'm positively 'happy'. I can cope with life. I've tried many similar medication but this one has been a game changer for me. Diazepam do help too - the pharmacist can also be a great help in providing something to help if you are feeling nauseous. Wishing you the best of luck.

@Pigglyplaystruant99 woke up so terrified ill never get better. Feel so guilty. did you feel worse before better ? Day two of upping sertraline think I feel worse xx

@Whycantgiraffesdance how do you feel after your diagnosis ? I feel absolutely awful today, so guilty and terrified I'm stuck like this xx

So sorry you’re still feeling awful 😞 I just feel really flat today, I’ve got no motivation to do anything and just want to sleep! I’ve been given Phenegan to help the anxiety which it does but also makes me feel really drowsy! 🙈 just want to feel better and also wondering if I ever will! So tired of feeling like this.

I definitely felt worse before feeling better. I nearly gave up and I think you'll find many people who have been on Sertraline and similar, will say the same. If it's unbearable I'd call your GP to discuss, but two days after an increase isn't much time for it to settle down.

This sounds so much like I felt. The first few weeks of medication or medication increase are hell. You do feel worse to begin with but then it starts to get better. I have been there a few times. All I can suggest is simple things to look after yourself. I found eating a huge challenge with loss of appetite and nausea and vomiting with anxiety every morning. I found basic things I could eat / drink during the day just to make sure I was having something really helpful. Most days it was just yogurt/soup/bananas and skips so I stocked up on these. Then in the evening when I was feeling a bit calmer I could eat a reasonable meal and a decent snack again before bed. I found this helped a lot.

@Pineappledancer thank you I need to hear this tonight having a hard day usually feel calmer by now. Im trying to eat little and often. Keep having awful thoughts I don't love anyone anymore making me feel so down, want to feel close to my kids again xx

@Mummyrj18

I know just how you feel. I was very detached from my kids for a short time. I genuinely believed in that moment that they would have a better life if I just walked away from the family altogether. It will get better, you will feel close to them again. My kids have no memory of that time at all.

You say you don't feel as calm as this evening as you have at this time other days, that is normal. It can be two steps forward, one step back, especially if you have just increasesd the medication. I found that it was so important to go with the flow of this rather than panic that it was a sign I wasn't getting better or the meds weren't working. That panic just fuelled the anxiety and depression. It is easier said than done, but as time went on, I could see a general trend with the ups and downs. Even if I had a few bad days, overall as each week went by I was generally feeling calmer a bit earlier in the day and not feeling quite as terrible first thing. The bad days became fewer and further apart.

The thoughts are horrible, but they are 100% a symptom of your health. I felt like I would never be able to feel normal again, like I had discovered the "truth" and would not be able just to get on with my day to day life or experience being happy again. It is the illness and those thoughts are just thoughts. They are not true no matter how true they might seem. Again easier said than done, but just being able to challenge the thoughts or acknowledge that they are "thought" not facts is a big step. Thoughts come and go and change. When you are a bit better these thoughts will not be the same.

@Mummyrj18 I felt that 'distance' from my real feelings at the start too. If you can just keep reminding yourself that it will pass - and try and distract yourself. I know thats easier said than done because it's so upsetting.

Thank you both, I find it hard to distract myself and spend an unhealthy amount of time googling intrusive thoughts which gives me temporary relief but doesn't last of course. Like I hug my daughter then have a thought 'you don't want to be mum anymore' then panic and despair sets in again. I don't even like writing that thought down. I remind myself it's not me but doubt creeps in. xxx

@Mummyrj18
Keep on reminding yourself, it isn't you. Those thoughts are not you. It is all easier said than done, but every little bit of distraction you can manage and every time you challenge those thoughts it gradually gets a bit easier.

The reason the thoughts have such power over us is because they are the opposite of what we really think - and so feel shocking.
It might be worth trying the worry time technique.
So you said aside a period of time each day to 'worry' (and research things if you want to) then through the rest of the day you say to yourself 'I'm not going to think about that now but I will think about it at 6pm'. Write it on a piece of paper if necessary. So you're not trying to 'stop' yourself thinking about something (which won't work - in the same way as if you tell yourself not to think about a pink elephant that's all you can think about) but just delay and contain it.

How are u feeling @Mummyrj18 ? I’m still waking up in a panic every morning 😔

Very up and down. The past two days have been slightly less panicky but felt more low, then hopeful again. So all over the place really ! Really exhausted. I feel
like the Sertraline might be starting to do something. But just showering and daily tasks feel like such a struggle. Have you had any better days ? Xxx mornings are definitely the worst ❤️

i have moments where I feel a bit more hopeful then it just seems to come crashing down again! I’m trying to stay positive, I just can’t stop my brain thinking the worst all the time! How do u manage with ur children? I can’t even get my eldest to school at the moment as I am too anxious 😟 luckily my partner steps up but I feel so guilty x

@Whycantgiraffesdance I know I feel guilt constantly but I know we shouldn't, I push myself to keep doing everything otherwise it adds to my guilt but its so hard. So worried I won't enjoy everything again, find it hard to focus when talking to my children constantly checking how I feel. Really low tonight but hoping it will pass. How are you doing tonight ? xx

Had a tough day, i just find myself sobbing purely because I can’t see a way through at the moment, I think we are our own worse enemies though for putting pressure on ourselves! I just feel like I’m a burden to everyone at the moment and my kids deserve better 🙈

When you're googling intrusive thoughts try having a look at this video;

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I know it's so hard, just want to click my fingers and make it go away ! Been emotional too. Feels very alone, chat groups like this help... Trying to remind myself it's been a relatively short time Ive been like this although it feels long. It the spiralling thoughts as soon as I think something positive its replaced by so many negative thoughts. Its a tough cycle to break, I know we'll both get through this xxx

i agree, if I start feeling a tiny bit better I immediately start questioning it and sending myself the other way again! It does help to know you’re not alone! Feel free to message me anytime if it helps ☺️

@Whycantgiraffesdance @Pineappledancer Having my worst day yet today. Feel so down and empty and panicking I'll not feel better. Phoned a nurse for a chat. Feel
like the worst mum in the world. x

@Mummyrj18 So sorry you’re struggling today, I think it’s probably the tablets, I found I felt so much worse when i started Setraline. It doesn’t help when we are taking them to feel better! I had an awful morning but feel slightly calmer now. How are u feeling now? I have counselling tonight, do you have anything like that set up at all?

Oh @Mummyrj18 so sorry to hear you are having a worse day. I am sure it was about 3 - 4 weeks in that I noticed a significant difference so you must be getting close to that now, hang on in there. It is so so hard, I remember telling the doctor that I couldn't continue to feel like this for another 4 minutes never mind 4 weeks! But it really is a case of just taking each day as it comes, breaking it down and getting through each part of the day, no pressure to achieve anything other than getting through it. It seems never ending when you are in it but I found I was getting a small bit of a break from the worst of it most evenings. As the days went on and the ADs kicked in this period of feeling not so terrible began to appear earlier and earlier in the day. I knew I was going to wake up feeling worse again but gradually I felt a bit less terrible each morning too.

I know how it feels to think you will never be happy again, that this hell is your life now and you will be stuck in it forever. I also know from experience that it isn't true. I came on here the first time I felt this way and lots of people told me I would get through it because they had and I just couldn't believe them, it seemed impossible.

It happened though, I came out the other side and I was normal and happy again. You will too.

I found it helpful to write down how I felt when things were slightly better in the evening so I could read it in the morning when I felt worst as evidence that I wouldn't always feel this bad.

@Pineappledancer @Whycantgiraffesdance
Thank you both. Woke up feeling awful but managed school run. Had a good few hours but just constantly checking my emotions. Am I better ? Am I feeling happy to pick up my kids ? Had a massive panic an hour ago because I couldn't find that 'loving feeling' towards my kids and it really freaked me out. Reading your messages is reassuring thank you xx

How have you been @Whycantgiraffesdance ? x