My adult daughter is destroying her life

[Cherrys70]

My daughter is an adult and she has EUPD. She’s had years and years of therapy but threw away chances that could have made a huge difference. She has always gravitated to “bad” men since her early teens but I know that I can’t do anything about it any more because she is an adult. I initially liked her latest BF but I have changed my mind since. I was informed that both of them have uploaded explicit video material to porn sites and it’s bad. I am refusing to watch any of it but I know that DD is clearly identifiable in the videos. He is not apart from his tattoos. I spoke to her about it and she is fully aware and content for the videos to be out there, and she doesn’t seem to care or understand the implications of it all
I know that I can’t do anything about this because she is an adult but I am afraid that this will just be the beginning of another downward spiral and it’s so difficult to accept and watch unfold. Just sharing to put it out there because I feel so powerless and I know that this will end so so badly. It feel like this will never end

EUPD is a dreadful disorder. For the sufferer and for the friends and family of the person. You have my sympathy - you must feel helpless to do anything but standby and pick up the pieces when it all ends badly.

Mind is very useful and I believe has advice for friends and families. They may even have helplines where you could at least share with those who understand the disorder.

I hope things improve for you and your daughter.

Couldn't people just say what it is so we don't all have to 'look it up'

Can you get support for yourself?

What?

EUPD?
Really its common knowledge.

Like ASD or anything else.

emotionally unstable personality disorder

Have you got a local carers centre. Ours has a support group specifically for families of people with complex mental health issues

Never heard of EUPD

Oh wow!!! That would really hit home. I don’t really know what to say. But sending love

Borderline personality disorder

EUPD is what was previously known as Borderline Personality Disorder.

So sorry you're going through this OP but the only advice that is consistently given to family of people with EUPD is look after yourself and maintain distance if you can.

I’m sorry I thought this was a well known acronym, I didn’t mean to be obscure

@RoRosiem2808

It's exactly the same as BPD ( Borderline personality disorder).

I have never heard of it either. Sorry OP, it sounds really hard. Are there any times when she is more receptive to help herself?

Does your daughter live with you or close by? I’d try to engage with her and offer support. Who informed you of the videos? If she did it could be that she was trying to reach out to you albeit clumsily and covered up with saying she was OK about it.

Would she re-engage with therapy? Being admitted to a therapeutic community would be beneficial. There used to be one at St George’s Hospital. It is a long term commitment and probably hard to get admitted. I think it’s called the recovery college.

You might find there’s support for family as well.

The time and effort you took to type that post you could have just searched the term.

It’s not common knowledge. I have never heard of it and normally am quite up on stuff like this.

It’s not common knowledge. I googled the symptoms today as a family member told me they have it.

It’s also a young adult who I am very concerned about.

How thick-headed do you have to be to come onto a thread like this and bitch about the acronym? FFS 🤦‍♀️

OP how awful for you. EUPD can lead people into terrible self-destructive behaviour. I don't have any useful advice, other than to keep being there for her and offering a safe refuge. People with this condition can learn strategies for managing it, but ime it takes a lot of therapy and support, and they have to want to engage.

EUPD must be so hard to live with but it’s also hard on those closest to them.

One thing that hits people with EUPD hardest is feeling judged…judgement leads to abandonment in their heads and therefore they become hypersensitive to the potential of being judged by those around them.

Regardless of whether you disapprove of her choices, just keep doing what you’re doing. Be there for her, supporting her.

Most people with personality disorders apparently ‘grow out’ of them. Or they learn good coping mechanisms to deal with them, at least, by their thirties. Stick by her and let her know that you value her and love her no matter what she says or does. And she’ll find her own way.

Mega hugs to you though, it must be so hard, knowing there’s virtually nothing you can do.

I'm so sorry @Cherrys70, this sounds really difficult. I know several people with BPD/EUPD so have read up a bit, and talk with them. There is so much impact on the loved ones, because they are on the frontline and pick up the pieces; and often act as carers and the sole emotional support because other relationships are shortlived. I think all you can do is tell her that you think she is being exploited, but that you are there for her when she needs you. As you say, she is an adult. I know this doesn't make things any easier.

It might help to join a support group for families of those with BPD/EUPD.

Me neither

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is suggested for neurodivergent women @Cherrys70 so this might be something your DD could look into.

For those that haven't heard of it you are very fortunate. For those like OP it can be deliberating all round.