Help me now!

[Stayreal]

I found out recently my OH is having an affair so we are separated. Not divorced. It’s recent.
Just found out he is in the same city as her “on business” and can’t guarantee to me he won’t bump into her through “mutual work friends”. I have a gut feeling in my stomach.
how can I stop myself going beserk?!!!

please I need strong women to my aid!!!

you are separated

so what he does is his business

Sorry, agree you're separated. But given what's gone on am sure you've made right decision!

If you are permanently separated then its nothing to do with you sorry.

You are separated, he cheated on you, who cares what he’s doing, just feel thankful that you found out and are not longer putting up with his sh#t. Stop stalking him, you don’t need to know where he is or what he’s up too as you are not together.

Try and stay strong, he’s not worth the worry, chances are he will eventually cheat on her too.

and can’t guarantee to me he won’t bump into her through “mutual work friends”.

i think you can almost guarantee that he will see her OP. But unless you actually aren’t separated, that is entirely his prerogative to do so

‘Help me now! Before I go beserk’

Are you in crisis or just posting in mental health because you are angry that your cheating ex might be hooking up with someone?

No I found out about affair so I kicked him out as I went crazy and when he’d come back to me 4 days after his work trip I’d packed his stuff. But since i found out we have had no face to face contact! We didn’t spend Xmas together, and I haven’t got closure!

a friend said “but you’re separated” so is that the general feeling? I’ve never been in this position before so really unsure how to act!

If you are separated you need to detach. He has already checked out of your relationship. The more you imagine the worse an effect it will have on you.

You're already berserk to care wtf he's doing. He cheated. Unless you're planning on forgiving him, in which case you would be nuts anyway, why do you care? Let her have him, he doesn't sound like much of a prize.

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot. I just feel he should at least tell me or should I just presume it’s over?

What closure do you need? He cheated, there’s no going back from that. Do you expect and apology?

Haha yes I know! This is easier said than done!
I want to forgive him but if he’s still with her then obviously not!

is he asking forgiveness?

I struggle with my mental health. In December I was contemplating suicide.
but since I seem to have bounced back up like a phoenix.
however knowing he’s in thr same place just wrecks my confidence and brain.

gas a result of finding out or was this before then?

do you have children together?

anyone with you tonight? why don’t you call a friend

I know to just get through today that’s what’s recommended but it’s dragging and I’m in distress.
does everyone think I should just ignore him??

i am baffled

does he want your forgiveness and to get back together?

for what reason is he there over a weekend?

so he’s not keen to get back with you?

Yes married with children. I have amazing mates who all just listen to me

I don’t know!
he hasn’t come back since so?????

he might have his tail between his legs? He might be guilty? He might be avoiding me? I have no idea I’m just guessing! He’s ignored my texts today

I’m baffled too. Truth is, I don’t know!!! He’s saying just a distraction to see friends and work. Or something random like that he doesn’t give anything away!

i am still confused

so he hasn’t ever asked for forgiveness or said he wants to remain together and you have had no contact with him ?

OP he will see her
he doesn’t appear to have given any indication as to wanting to get back together
you have children that need you and no doubt a little destabilised by recent events

focus on what is important

and it is not a cheating rat on a weekend bender looking forward to meeting up with the OW

No. I’ve almost begged but b4 Xmas he said no going back but we haven’t even seen each other that was over text message!!!

seen him a couple of times for 5min regarding the children eg Friday/Sunday but we can’t talk info t of them and he hasn’t made arrangements to come to the house which I suppose tells me I’m low on his list of priorities

Thank you!
yes I’m trying my best to stay strong and I’ve already lost weight started exercising and making the effort
I just feel sad as we were married 😢