Severe health anxiety, worried about breast pain

[Emma200812]

Hi all. I haven't been on Mumsnet for years but it was a very kind and helpful place to me when I was last on and I'm hoping it can be the same for me now. I'll try and keep this brief.

I have been diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder. I'm on medication and beta blockers and I start high intensity cbt therapy next week. Just to give some context to where my head is at.

I am absolutely terrified I have incurable breast cancer. I've had a tender spot since Nov, and overall achey boobs every month that go when my period comes. I spent 4 weeks having a huge anxiety spell where I was convinced I was unwell then the pain went away including the tender area. I was checked by my gp, she felt nothing, no lumps. But said I did have an inflamed rib, told me to come back in 4 weeks and to keep my hands off. Well the anxiety within me hasn't done that, I keep prodding dont I.

Anyway after my period the pain came back. Both boobs currently really ache and are heavy but the left one is always worse and has a tender area under my nipple. To make matters worse I've noticed today that I have what I thought were enlarged pores on both nreasts, in my cleavage, that also go onto my torso, see pic attached.

I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance as to whether this is pores or an IBC dimpling etc. I'm so terrified. I'm seeing my gp tomorrow but could just do with some hand holding tonight.

Thank you xx

I would say it’s your anxiety. If the doctors checked you over you are most likely fine. M when I am anxious I notice my brain makes ailments worse. If I’m busy I forget about them and they don’t hurt. I’m sure it’s just your anxiety.

Also meant to say that the pics look fine to me. I wouldn’t see anything to be concerned about (although I’m no doctor!)

I think it's just anxiety. My breasts also hurt during different parts of my cycle, including after my period, and often times it's the one that's slightly bigger (on my left), and I also get those kind of "enlarged pores" which is just because it's bigger and the skin is slightly stretched more.

I don't see anything worth worrying about, and particularly after your GP said she felt nothing. You're likely to get an ultrasound soon, or a mammogram (or both), and I suspect both will be totally normal.

Sore boobs are a part and parcel of what our hormones do every month. One thing to remember is that so many things influence our hormones, including stress, which can then impact your body and how it feels to you.

It's good you're doing cbt, and that you're under care, because these kinds of health anxieties (and anxiety focused on other things) can be devastating, as I know myself. If you're having big panics tonight, maybe try having half a glass of wine (I know recommending alcohol isn't always a good idea, but for me, when I'm in the grip of this kind of anxiety, half a glass of wine calms me enough that I can then control it with other techniques). How long have you been on the beta blockers? Maybe you need a bit more time before they kick in.

Once the meds and cbt kick in, you'll notice that you aren't thinking about it as often, rather than just that you'll start feeling the panic less (as in, if you still get intolerable panics, that doesn't mean that the treatments aren't working, because it's only natural you might still get them).

You're fine, and everything is going to be fine. Keep pursuing the different types of therapies (pharmaceutical and psychological) and with time you will start to feel better, I promise.

Kindly, reassurance seeking only feeds the anxiety. Every time you seek reassurance you train your brain to feel in danger when it's not.

You have to change your behaviour if you want to feel different.

That means stop posting about this, stop poking yourself - and instead distract yourself when the intrusive thoughts begin.

You've already been told there's nothing wrong by a qualified medical professional. Internet randoms commenting doesn't change that and isn't helpful.

The medical advice was to stop poking yourself. So stop.

What are you hoping to achieve by posting on here? No one can diagnose you except a qualified medical professional and you have had the diagnosis - there is nothing wrong. All you are doing is feeding the health anxiety by seeking reassurance that you won’t listen to anyway. It doesn’t matter if a thousand people post ‘nope not cancer’ Reassurance does not work. I mean this kindly, stop feeding the anxiety and concentrate on fighting back against the illness you DO have which is anxiety. Best wishes op.

I understand where your coming from but when someone is in a fragile state maybe just try a gentler tone. I know what I NEED to do, but severe anxiety looks for comfort in funny ways, and tonight I clearly just needed some comfort from some strangers. If that helps me get through this evening I don't see the issue.

To the others who replied to me thank you so much for taking the time to do so and for being so gentle. I'm really struggling. I've been on Sertraline since Nov, beta blockers mid Dec adhoc as and when a panic attack heads. I find they do take the edge off.

I've been like this since my sons traumatic birth (he's 3.5years) and I have a one year old too, it's totally deliberating and it's only now I feel like I'm really ready to go through the therapy and deal with it. It's been a long time coming but I've just been trying to both enjoy and survive motherhood until now. But now I want to be truly present with my sons so I'm ready for it, but the health anxiety in me is so stressed about my breasts that it's really hard to fight it.

Hi lovely,

I totally feel for you as I have HA too and have driven myself crazy about my breasts and having breast cancer too

I have the same enlarged pores on my breasts, both of them and I convince myself it's the orange peel skin about 10 times a month! Then I have a symptom somewhere else and find something else to worry about and forget about my breasts until the other thing resolves and I'm back to my breasts again.

I completely understand your need for reassurance, I do the same and have done for years, despite knowing I 'shouldn't'. It doesn't help in the long run but sometimes you just need a kind word and some rationalisation.

GP's don't mess around with suspicious looking things, especially breasts so please be reassured by what they said.

Give the medication time, you could also looking up Dr Kirren Schnack, she is brill with HA and has written a book (Ten Times Calmer) which has some really helpful stuff in

Beat of luck tomorrow xx

I totally get where you're coming from and am fresh from a breast clinic appointment with pain. I struggled to get the courage to go to GP with pain that I thought was cyclical but then also started to convince myself I had lumps.
This year I have set myself a challenge to deal with health stuff like someone who doesn't have health anxiety. I have been following the worry tree decision many process and if there is something I have a genuine worry about (grandmother died of breast cancer and I had pain) then I have to follow the path of sensibly checking it out. It's not been easy but this approach in the back of my head has helped and this time whilst I was scared when I got the appointment through , I was able to manage it much better.
IF you get referred (I did as GP doesn't take any chances - her words - and she said I was a bit lumpy but nothing concerning to her ) then the clinic is great. One stop shop and all done in 2 hours. I likely have hormonal pain and told to wear sports bra for 2 weeks day and night and use ibuprofen gel. I've had a mammogram and an ultrasound and physical exam too. I don't feel like I've no longer got anxiety about my health but each time I have a sensible check , it improves. I wish you all the best. Message me if you'd like more info on my appointment. Happy to help

Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry you struggle too. I've heard it's a very normal effect of motherhood just some are worse than others with the irrational thoughts! Sending you so much love and hugs, let's make 2024 the year we beat this crap!

Polly that's so helpful thank you so much. My Dr hasn't seen the 'orange peel' as I've only noticed it myself today and only when I really really look for it. Its like my head makes stuff up then I find it! Your approach is brilliant and so rational, that's what I'm hoping the therapy will help me do, I'm so over feeling like this. I feel like such a rubbish mother as it takes away so much of who I am. I've vowed that this is the year I get on top of it so I'll do it with you!

@Emma200812 oh I feel your pain, HA is the worst. But this:

and tonight I clearly just needed some comfort from some strangers. If that helps me get through this evening I don't see the issue.

Kindly, is the opposite of what you need. The best treatment for intrusive thoughts is to not seek reassurance, because it's so short lived and you just want more and more. I know how hard that is, and how much you want to feel reassured, but it just feeds the HA.

I sympathise OP, but the checking will make you tender plus pain that goes away each cycle is not concerning for cancer.
I have had lumps that have had biopsies and both times I couldn’t help but check and prod and got myself very worked up and tender. My DM had BC so it’s all very real for me. I hope you find reassurance soon.

I do really struggle but when I look back at the things I've worried about that came to nothing it helps , as does thinking about a friend who is so rational it's admirable. I found meditation and reading nice comforting books helped too.

I am really sorry if I came across harsh. That was not my intention. I understand health anxiety, I have seen this behaviour in my own family and have really suffered with having a parent not ‘present’ because of it. The reassurance cycle is absolutely the worst thing you can do. You are literally digging yourself deeper into a hole. Honestly asking total strangers who are not medically qualified is not a sensible thing to do but because you are suffering anxiety you are seeking reassurance where you can get it but please understand this reassurance is what is keeping the cycle going. You are literally feeding your illness. Please get help for your HA, it will ultimately ruin your life and your families life if you do not get help. Seeking reassurance over the internet is not best way to go about it.

Worst case scenario, you have something wrong? Wouldn't you wish you'd spent the last 3 years being present with your children? Stop seeking attention by posting your breasts to the entire world and go to spend time with your poor children. I wonder how they feel and what anxieties they are now growing up with.

Wow, I'm sorry you are so unhappy in your own life that you feel the need to attack someone like this. What an awful thing to say to someone struggling with mental health.

Hello from someone with incurable breast cancer 

No one's going to be able to give you any accurate advice other than your GP / breast clinic so you're doing the right thing by raising your concerns.

My "orange peel" skin puckering was very obvious and didn't look at all like your picture which just looks like normal pores. Also it would be very unusual for BC to cause pain in both breasts. As I said above though - only medical professionals can diagnose or rule anything out.

I know this isn't at all the TYPE of reassurance you seek, but I've been living well with stage 4 breast cancer for almost 5 years now, and am confident I have many years ahead. Sometimes even our worst case scenarios aren't the end of the story

Hi
Another member here, living with incurable breast cancer ( having had the primary treated successfully).

As the previous poster said, the only way to allay those fears, is to see someone in a breast clinic.

Health anxiety is not pleasant and something which can easily develop and spiral. .

Do you have a history of BC in the family?

Again, worst case scenario, many
cancers are treatable these days; it does not always mean a death sentence. Do take comfort from that fact.

Wishing you all the best
😊x

Doreen and Enigma, firstly thank you so much for messaging, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. Secondly I'm so sorry about your diagnosis, what amazing ladies you are, and to still be giving advice to others whilst dealing with so much yourselves! Amazing ❤️

Sadly my gp didn't get back to me so I haven't been seen yet but when I am I am going to request the breast clinic, my anxiety is just too much now, so symptoms or not I think I need to bite the bullet and just find out once and for all. Health anxiety is such a bast* as on one hand you want to know for sure but on the other actually getting yourself there is a massive challenge in itself. It's like my brain just fights with itself. I am less worried about the pores now, and I'm sure the pain is hormonal as I'm ovulating so adds up, but I know I can't worry like this every single month as its taking away so much of my.life. my cbt starts next week but I think I need a scan too just for reassurance. Lots of love to you both. Xx

Hi Emma
You sound a little more positive today, so that's good 😊
Health anxiety ( or any anxiety) can be crippling and unless people have experienced it, it's hard to understand.

It does sound like it's all hormonal, but for peace of mind, do push your GP for a referral.

I hope the CBT works ( I may even give it a shot myself) xx

I am not unhappy in my own life, and if I was, then your sarcastic comment would be equally as insensitive as mine. What I am is someone who has dealt with a hypochondriac parent, and it took over everything in our lives. In the end, it was my other patent who died young. You need professional help for your hypochondriac, which is a form of OCD and people pampering to your needs on here are not helping you at all. You don't like hearing this as I can see other people have told you the same thing. That doesn't make us wrong. It means you are deluded, and your mental health disorder is so severe that it is ruining not only your life but your children's lives. Do them a favour, please, and listen to what we are all telling you. I would bet money that every single person here has an actual physical health problem. I'm afraid that's part of life. You learn to deal with it the best you can, and you appreciate each day you have. Stop wasting your days. You chose to become a parent. Be a parent and get yourself some proper psychiatric help.

It's like you've just come here to attack me?! Have you read my post and my further comments? I start cbt therapy next week, I'm already on sertraline and beta blockers... so I am getting the help you are aggressively insisting I do? Do you just go around mumsnet and assert aggressiveness and 'advice' to people? I'm not looking to be panderd to, I just wanted to talk to people who struggle with anxiety like me. My family are amazing, but they don't have health anxiety, they don't understand how deliberating it is. So I came here for some comfort to know I wasn't alone. I am a parent. I chose to be one before health anxiety took control, which was caused by a traumatic birth, I didn't choose health anxiety. I still choose to parent every single day and I've chosen to get help to be better for them. My post wasn't to get attention, I was in crisis mode and looking for some support and the ladies who have genuinely replied in a caring way to make me feel less alone have given me that.

Thank you Emgima. Yes I'm going to inisit for a scan, I feel more mentally ready for it the last few days and I've accepted its what I need to either deal with it or hopefully put my mind at ease. I think I'm more accepting that it might be hormonal now as I'm currently ovulating and have so many other symptoms of that that I think my breasts just follow suit. Also my mum has had severe breast pain since having children and been checked out multiple times and was told it's genetic! It's just the one particulaly painful area that's bothering me, it feels slightly different in pain to the outer breast pain, but I'm trying to be calmer about it.

I've had therapy before, but never intense CBT so I'm nervous, but I know it's what I need, I'll report back as to how I get on!

How are you feeling about everything? I imagine you have some up and down days? Xx

Hi OP

I had an almost identical presentation , together with an itchy area on one breast and it sent me spiralling.
I had a breast clinic appt and the consultant said it’s very, very rare for BC to present in this way and that breast pain is incredibly common He though the itchiness was just a random, dermatitis type reaction.

i had a mammogram, which wasn’t as uncomfortable as I thought it would be and an ultrasound.

I actually had cysts which were causing the pain and they were able to drain them, under ultrasound, which again, I hardly felt! I have been invited to contact them direct if the cysts return and they can drain them again

I hope this helps ❤️

So sorry to read that you had a parent with health anxiety. It's clearly still affecting you so I'd recommend professional help so that you can move forward.

OP I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with health anxiety yourself. Well done on getting meds and for starting CBT next week. I had CBT myself for anxiety around the menopause and found it helpful. I also tried a free hypnotherapy video for anxiety from Paul McKenna and that worked too.

I've been to the breast clinic a few times and they are great there. The wait is stressful, no doubt but I tried distraction techniques.all the best to you.