Privileged and Miserable

[blehmeh]

Why am I always sad? I have such a good life. High income, low hours (but high stress at times), a husband who plays a more than equal role in our marriage and household. One child happy at university and another who is the most pleasurable teenager you'll ever come across.

And yet here I am thinking after a 9 month break that I'm going to have to go on antidepressants yet again when I really don't want to.

I hate my job but the people are great. I feel bored sick of it but should be able to retire in 3.5 years at 57. I live holiday to holiday to survive.

Right now I feel why bother with anything as I always end up feeling crap again. I've tried and tried over the years to change things but nothing ultimately changes.

maybe you do need to find something to get excited about again? a new job? you don’t want to spend your life waiting to retire, you’re still so young. Also, is there any harm in taking the antidepressants for a bit longer? Are there any downsides?

I find writing a gratitude list every night really helps and don't feel you have to get off ADs, you may need them, sometimes depression is a result of your biochemistry.

I think you should consider a different job. It sounds a bit that you are/ have been prioritising money over your own wellbeing given you say you hate it. How do you feel when you're off work for holidays?

I couldn't understand my depression either. Different reasons were given for years. I finally had a breakdown last Easter and since then have been speaking to a counsellor. It's absolutely saved me. It's not cheap, but it doesn't sound like that's an issue for you atm.

She doesn't expect me to come to her with problems, or to explain why or what I'm feeling. The conversation just flows from 'hi, how have you been'. Sometimes I do think 'what did I get from that this week?'. Then during the week the issue I was skirting around comes to me more often than not. She helps me deal with how I cope with day to day life, and (I know it sounds cliché) empowers me (she will make suggestions if I push, but prefers to support me in finding my own solutions but asking questions) to deal with things on my own.

What I'm trying to get at is, with the correct person you can find out why you feel this way, and how to make tiny changes that in time will stop these feelings. You've had 50 odd years to become this way- it won't be unpicked overnight.

For the record I'm still on a fairly high dose of anti anxiety/depression medication (I was suicidal), but it is very much better, and improving all the time for me.

3.5 years is a long time in a job you hate.

When I came off them I finally seemed to resume a reasonable sex life for the first time in years. I guess I'm worried about losing that but then at the moment I'm miserable and uninterested again anyway.

I just come up with a total blank when I try to think of what i do that I might enjoy. I look at jobs and worry that I'll end up working longer hours and less control over my own time and it frightens me. I've done what I've done for so long that I don't know what else I'd be good at. I'm not very self confident.

youngones I think I should try the gratitude journal. I know I have so much to be grateful for.

When you retire what will you do ?

And how can you start that early so that work is just a small part of what your are / do now

If it's holiday - what about holidays in particular - and make sure you spend all your free time doing that.l now ?

I have a question, If the ADs work, then why are you coming off them? Mental health can be just like any other condition that you need lifelong meds for?

Surely there's a type that doesn't put a crimp in your sex life.

iwishiwasasilentnight it is. Some days / weeks are fine and others I just find unbearable. I can't find any enthusiasm for the work. I just feel stuck as to what to do about it. I've wished my entire life away. A few times I've come close to quitting but I never felt I had my husbands backup. He doesn't like change (possibly autistic). At the moment I'm lashing out at him and blaming him for not making the change a few years ago :(

and yes AD need to be reconsidered !

aswarmofmidgies honestly I lead a charmed life. I have a static caravan that we spend most weekends at. A good social life, friends etc. I work at home 3 days a week and only work hours needed to do the job, which is often maybe 25hrs a week. There's just no reason for me being like this. I think maybe I'm a bit of a spoilt person amd probably a nightmare to live with. As for the antidepressants I'm heading to the kitchen now and starting again.

queenfreak I had a few years of counselling and it was amazing for me and definitely cleared a lot of issues. I don't feel like anything bad has happened to me since though to work on. My work offer free counselling and I'll consider it again I think.

Every single job I've had has ended up with me depressed. I used to struggle on, but never managed more than about 4 years. Been made redundant, or short term contracts ended, a few times. But other times have ended up with severe depression, and had to leave and claim sickness benefit.

You say your life is fine, then tell us you hate your job. The question is, what to do about it?

Mental illness doesn't just effect people with crappy lives (for want of a better term), it can effect anyone.

sequentialanalyst Is 53 (and a few years off being able to retire) too old to go for a total career change. No idea what I'd want to do though.

Counselling and the gratitude diaries are great ideas. You’ve talked about your family, but what about your other relationships? Do you spend any meaningful time with your friends?

What about any hobbies? Are there things that you enjoy doing outside of work?

Are you on HRT? Menopause can have a terrible impact on mental health?

MCOut yes I spend time with friends. Go to the cinema quite often and we have a static caravan with friends. I do need more hobbies though but I get very worked up about going somewhere on my own. I think I'd love the Rock Choir but I can't persuade anyone to go with me. Exercise is also definitely needed but I procrastinate and laze about which isn't helping.

Honestly these replies are really helping. It's helping me see the things that I need to do and can do. I've gone down a spiral and need to pull myself out with some self help.

Your life sounds both idealic and too predictable to the point of boredom.

Are you depressed or bored?

chimneypot yes I'm in HRT which is part of the reason I came off antidepressants as I felt a crash a few years ago was possibly menopause related. Ibuprofen changed my patches a month ago as I was sad and angry all the time. The anger has subsided but not the anger. I think the antidepressants and HRT together were helping and I'm just going to have to have to get back into them.

I truly hate exercise, but I feel so much happier afterwards. DP has been treating me to a PT and the sessions have been great, I still hate it but because the PT doesn’t allow me to procrastinate booking in a session and I definitely can’t laze when I get there. If a few sessions is an option for you, maybe that’s something that you should think about.

Rock Choir sounds great, I joined the musical theatre, one once, and most people went alone. How about just committing to going by yourself once? If you feel out of place or you don’t like it, you never have to go again but just try one time.

Ddifficultday I'm definitely bored as well. When I read your reply my first thought was I am so bored and tired of my life. I have an awful mix of easily being bored but also some degree of social anxiety that means doing new things terrifies me! But I'm going to make some changes and face it head on. Life is passing me by.