Hey there, I do not want to minimise what you are going through at all, but one way these feelings can be viewed is as a kind of mid life or existential crisis. You have reached this point, have all the stuff you have been told should make you happy, and you are not. So, we sit there and think to ourselves, the problem must be with me.
I say we, cos I have been going through something very similar, and so are a lot of other people I think, all just plodding on thinking there must be a problem with them, and not our goal orientated consumer hollow society and its destructive norms.
What has helped me has been learning for its own sake, the things I am interested in, knowledge about diet, and mental health and creativity, and the permission to actively pursue hobbies for fun, not towards any goal.
If you have the time, start with Georgia Edes talk on YouTube, called Our descent into madness, modern diet and the global health crisis. From there maybe Zoe Harcombe on the origins of the dietary guidelines.
And, if you can face it Dr James Davie on the Origins of the DSM, the manual that is used to diagnose mental illness, and from there perhaps Chris Palmer on nutritional psychiatry.
And think back to your life as a child early teen, what were your hobbies, what did you do for fun? Do you still want to do any of them?
We have got in this habit at sneering at people who do childish hobbies, and have this idea that vreative hobbies are pointless unless you can sell the end product. But the value of these activities is that they make people happy, as they are doing them and over all in their lives.
Sounds trite, but it's not you. It is the life you are living and you can make positive changes. Disclaimer: anti depressants are great, and can be vital. If you feel a you are a risk to yourself, see a healthcare professional!
Good luck.