Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Privileged and Miserable

38 replies

blehmeh · 11/01/2024 13:14

Why am I always sad? I have such a good life. High income, low hours (but high stress at times), a husband who plays a more than equal role in our marriage and household. One child happy at university and another who is the most pleasurable teenager you'll ever come across.

And yet here I am thinking after a 9 month break that I'm going to have to go on antidepressants yet again when I really don't want to.

I hate my job but the people are great. I feel bored sick of it but should be able to retire in 3.5 years at 57. I live holiday to holiday to survive.

Right now I feel why bother with anything as I always end up feeling crap again. I've tried and tried over the years to change things but nothing ultimately changes.

OP posts:
AndThatWasNY · 11/01/2024 14:25

Exercise sorted me right out. Had to find something I didn't hate though!

blehmeh · 11/01/2024 14:30

MCOut I've booked a taster session at the Rock Choir next week. Now I actually have to turn up. What's the worst than can happen...... I will be terrified.

OP posts:
SequentialAnalyst · 11/01/2024 14:31

blehmeh · 11/01/2024 13:54

sequentialanalyst Is 53 (and a few years off being able to retire) too old to go for a total career change. No idea what I'd want to do though.

I wasn't really suggesting what to do about the job, as I don't know. In my case, my MH collapsed, and I had no choice but to leave (happened twice, different jobs. (But also had cocklodging H at the time.))

Just pointing out that you say your life is fine, but it turns out you know it isn't, and why. Great to see your most recent posts which sound hopeful BrewBrew

FusionChefGeoff · 11/01/2024 14:32

If you are ill (depression) then I'd just take the medication without hesitation.

blehmeh · 11/01/2024 14:35

AndThatWasNY I found my thing a few years back. I'd slowly gotten fit over a number of years and loved CrossFit. I was actually that person getting a buzz off exercise. Unfortunately i had an injury that prevented me doing it anymore. I searched for something else for a few years but couldn't find that buzz anymore and then stopped and have been so stupidly lazy the last few years (and piled on weight). I know it helps but I feel so unfit that I'm scared of starting over.

OP posts:
CupcakeCat · 11/01/2024 20:06

Rock choir is full of people on their own, and everyone chats to everyone, I hope you have fun! I love it!

nzeire · 11/01/2024 20:29

This is me! 53 and a horrid mix of boredom and social anxiety! Well done on that sentence, it resonated with me!

im in the southern Hemisphere so summer is definitely helping, and the fact im on holidays. Winter is brutal for me. I’ve lined up a sun holiday for August so I know there is something to break up the monotony.

im on hrt and antidepressants and don’t want to come off either anytime soon.

i constantly make plans to be a better, happier, more content and stable person. I finally found the most wonderful yoga studio that really turned my life around. Filled with terror every time I walked through the doors for at least 6 months. Now, I have lots of familiar faces to say hi to, have a laugh when I get tied up in knots and wobble. I was feeling fabulous, my mind was calm and my body was standing taller, then a series of events put me off track and I’m struggling to get back into it after a good year of regular practise. I know what I need to do, but am I doing it?

just read your post and booked into a lunchtime class. Here’s hoping I can pick up momentum again

keep plugging away, find that spark, that joy, no matter how fleeting.

legalseagull · 11/01/2024 21:00

Depression can just be a chemical imbalance without anything 'sad' starting it off. It's a physical thing. Go back on the meds. If you were diabetic you couldn't deprive yourself of medication.

blehmeh · 13/01/2024 00:55

nzeire it's frustrating isn't it! I've started back on the antidepressants and am going to force myself to start some new hobbies this year. I did a gratitude journal tonight. Winter is definitely a huge factor in my mood too. I'll keep plodding on Smile

OP posts:
MCOut · 13/01/2024 02:55

blehmeh · 11/01/2024 14:30

MCOut I've booked a taster session at the Rock Choir next week. Now I actually have to turn up. What's the worst than can happen...... I will be terrified.

I know you’re feeling shit, but this was my favourite comment all week and put a massive smile on my face. So thank you. I hope you have an amazing time and I’m gonna come back and at you to hear about it

I know, it’s scary, but you are going to have a great time. 💐

LifeExperience · 13/01/2024 03:04

Depression has everything to do with brain chemistry and nothing to do with life circumstances. You need medical assistance and to get back on antidepressants.

blehmeh · 17/01/2024 07:58

MCOut I just wanted to let you know that I made it to the rock choir last night and I actually wasn't as nervous as I expected (who knew). I really enjoyed it. It needed quite a lot of concentration but I imagine that will get easier if I keep going. I'm signing up anyway and thank you for the encouragement to just give it a try- it really helped Grin

OP posts:
Unabletomitigate · 17/01/2024 08:41

Hey there, I do not want to minimise what you are going through at all, but one way these feelings can be viewed is as a kind of mid life or existential crisis. You have reached this point, have all the stuff you have been told should make you happy, and you are not. So, we sit there and think to ourselves, the problem must be with me.
I say we, cos I have been going through something very similar, and so are a lot of other people I think, all just plodding on thinking there must be a problem with them, and not our goal orientated consumer hollow society and its destructive norms.
What has helped me has been learning for its own sake, the things I am interested in, knowledge about diet, and mental health and creativity, and the permission to actively pursue hobbies for fun, not towards any goal.

If you have the time, start with Georgia Edes talk on YouTube, called Our descent into madness, modern diet and the global health crisis. From there maybe Zoe Harcombe on the origins of the dietary guidelines.

And, if you can face it Dr James Davie on the Origins of the DSM, the manual that is used to diagnose mental illness, and from there perhaps Chris Palmer on nutritional psychiatry.

And think back to your life as a child early teen, what were your hobbies, what did you do for fun? Do you still want to do any of them?
We have got in this habit at sneering at people who do childish hobbies, and have this idea that vreative hobbies are pointless unless you can sell the end product. But the value of these activities is that they make people happy, as they are doing them and over all in their lives.

Sounds trite, but it's not you. It is the life you are living and you can make positive changes. Disclaimer: anti depressants are great, and can be vital. If you feel a you are a risk to yourself, see a healthcare professional!
Good luck.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page