Feel like there is no hope for anxiety recovery

[Mufflepuff]

I have tried everything. Nothing works. Just started a new CBT course today and it made me feel so much worse I have cancelled it and going to try counselling (again) instead.

I've had 5 years of bad thing after bad thing happen to me - mainly health things. The kind of stuff you wouldnt believe if it was a plot in a novel. So I'm just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. I get really bad physical symptoms of anxiety like muscle twitches and shaking. This convinces me I have a neurological disorder so the anxiety gets worse. Last month it was leg pain (bone cancer obviously), the month before that it was daily migraines (brain tumour fears). I'm so anxious my body is making up health issues, which then make me more anxious.

I've tried yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, running, walking, cold showers, CBT, counselling etc. Nothing makes a difference. I can't take SSRIs due to a health issue (ironic).

Whenever I tell a counsellor what has happened they are always really shocked about how much I have been through and says its understandable that I'm now anxious. But understanding why I feel like this doesn't take away the feeling of doom that something bad is going to happen to me again. And no one can tell me it isn't.

I just feel so hopeless. I can't live like this for the rest of my life.

I have struggled with anxiety all my life. I have also tried hypnotherapy, counselling and meditation. The last year has been so much better and I put it down to copious amounts of exercise, importantly, exercise I enjoy.

That may or may not help you, but the main thing I wanted to say to you is that it can get better, much better!

I hope you find the thing or combination of things that makes life more enjoyable!

Claire Weekes’ books have go me thro some pretty awful times. Thanks @Sussurations for the Audible recs, I’ll check those out. I’ve watched some clips on YouTube and found her talking incredibly soothing.

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. It's commendable that you've been proactive in seeking help. In addition to counseling, consider exploring relaxation techniques like progressive muscle relaxation or mindfulness to address the physical symptoms of anxiety. Sometimes a combination of approaches can be more effective, and finding the right therapist who specializes in anxiety or trauma may provide the support and tools needed to navigate these feelings.

I've now got a counselling session booked for Monday. I still can't get over how awful the CBT was and it made feel so much worse! I always dread the first time of having to explain my medical history to someone though as its pretty traumatic and I know it will fill up the entire first session as it's so lengthy!

I tried the other Claire Weeks book yesterday but didn't find it helped as she insisted at the start of every chapter to make sure you get checked over by a doctor first so you know you have anxiety and not a medical issue. But I can't go to the GP with every physical symptom of anxiety I have. My current worst symptom is eye twitching - it was so bad yesterday it felt like my eyeball was vibrating. I know it's anxiety and not some lethal neurological disorder but if I go to the GP he might - out of an abundance of caution - refer me to a neurologist and then that will ramp up my anxiety to a really bad level. So I know why she says it but I found it really unhelpful to keep getting told to see a doctor when I'm trying to convince myself I'm perfectly fine and there's nothing medically wrong with me.

I tend to get neurological symptoms when I'm anxious (shaking, internal tremor, muscle twitching, pins and needles) and I was thoroughly checked over a few years ago when it first started happening. Now it happens when I'm very anxious and I AM very anxious now so I am 99% sure the eye twitching is due to anxiety but my scared brain clings onto the 1% chance I have some scary neurological disorder and am going to die. I know how ridiculous it . I mean, what are the chances of some random neurological disorder suddenly appearing put of the blue just when I'm really really anxious?! I just wish my brain could accept the 99% and not obsess over the 1%.

@Mufflepuff - if you're online now have a look at the live with https://www.youtube.com/@TimBoxMindCoach (you can also watch on catchup)

@Eyesopenwideawake I missed the live thing. Is there a particular video of his that you recommend? I like listening to the Dare anxiety videos but not come across this guy before.

You could start with this -

(Disclaimer : it's the video that started my journey training with Tim but it doesn't specifically link to his practice).

So sorry you're going through this OP. I understand, I'm in a similar boat. I've had a number of health issues over the past 18 months which have left me with health anxiety. I actually recently just found out I have a thyroid problem which is likely to be a big contributor as thyroid/hormonal issues can cause anxiety - I'm guessing you've had things like that ruled out?

There are medications that don't affect serotonin. Mirtazipine for example. Or some of the older tricyclic antidepressants. Would you be able to take those? Pregabalin is also sometimes prescribed for anxiety.

Also - can I recommend an excellent counsellor? Her name is Cherelle Roberts. She specialises in health anxiety having had it so badly herself she was sectioned. She's now fully recovered and offers therapy. I've had 12 sessions with her and she's brilliant. She GETS it. Maybe give her a try? Her counselling isn't too expensive.

Thanks for the recommendation. I'm seeing a new counsellor next week so will see how that goes and keep Cherelle in mind.

Can you take antihistamines? I was prescribed hydroxyzine for an allergic reaction a few years ago and felt calmer than I had most of my life (having always suffered from anxiety) - which prompted me to google and discover hydroxyzine is sometimes used as an anxiety medication.

I’m the same op.
Years and years of awful things happening and now it’s like my body can’t exist without feeling anxious, there’s just no off switch.

I understand the symptoms, I know it’s not going to kill me, the feelings of panic will end etc etc but it just won’t ever actually go.

I have taken meds for years, had CBT, paid a fortune for hypnotherapy, reflexology, massage etc I do yoga, don’t drink, eat well.

I just feel I’m doomed to suffer for the rest of my life.

Have you tried EMDR?
It was first used for PTSD for soilders .
I've had counselling scince l was 28 ( I'm now 65). Been in psychiatric hospitals. Tried CBT.. you name it I've tried it.
I was drugged ( LSD) gang raped the night before my Dad passed away ( although didn't know he was going to pass). I raped in my vagina and anus with various kitchen instruments ( spatula handles etc) .
I passed out and woke up in my bed with bloodied sheets and damage to myself.
I had to get through my grief and funeral.
I contacted gonahera which gave me PID and resulted in me having loads of gynecological operations.
The police did fuck all.
This was 1987.
Things come back to haunt me via various triggers.
The main guy who got his mates round and did all this worked for the benefit office and it was my third date with him.
Never even slept with him.
Counselling was crap.
CBT was crap.
The psychiatrist in the hospital was actually good at the time . I ECT .. didn't work.
I've done three sessions of EMDR and now I'm able to talk about it without being too anxious and learning to cope with the memories.
I've booked six sessions. I might have more .. but it's the best therapy I've ever ever had in all these years.. I'm paying private at £80 a session ( prices vary).
Hope you find something that helps you.

PTSD would explain all that. The anxiety would be secondary to the trauma and resolve once that core problem is addressed.

EMDR is slow and steady movement.

Have you ever received a proper assessment for PTSD?

Cognitive trauma therapy can be used but it needs to be done carefully with expertise.

What type of counselling? It's not approved for trauma because it can entrench the problem and keep it going.

No advice other than what others have suggested but a lot of understanding and empathy.

Agree re the 'check it's ok and definitely anxiety' thing. I'd be at the GP every day then! I would get reassurance for symptom A and before I'd left the surgery I'd realise I'd 'forgotten' to mention some crucial thing or I'd notice some other random thing that obviously meant I was dying. Also maybe they'd say 'oh well just to be sure we'll refer you' and then that makes me feel horrific and I have to wait and wait and tbh the idea of my anxiety being even worse than it is already is unbearable.

My anxiety is definitely perimenopause related - am waiting on a referral to the menopause clinic right now actually to see if HRT would help.

P.S l have the beginings of cataracts and retina problems but EMDR doesn't effect those.. speak to a professional in EMDR.. Look for a registered one.

@Moier , I’m so sorry you’ve been through such traumatic experiences.

I’m starting EMDR on Monday for panic attacks and phobias and your post makes me hopeful it can help, as my issues seem so small compared to what you’ve been through.

I worry I’ll do something wrong in the session. Although I’ve known the therapist for a while now, so I should feel comfortable to ask her questions

OP, best of luck to you, I’ve suffered from anxiety most of my life because of phobias and intrusive thoughts and it can be all consuming.

the slurp comments about your hypnotherapist made me laugh, I have misophonia and it would have driven me mad.

Amitriptyline or pregabalin?
Sorry can't help with therapies as I have ASD so none of the usual therapies helped me

@SSpttyMaldoon
Thankyou ..my files could write one of those memoir books about abusive relationships..
I once ran away from a guy with my two year old daughter.. ,( not his)both in pjs me with no shoes on.. l just had to run for it.. after he really beat me up.. because l went to comfort her in bed.
The train station was at the back of our village .. l got the train to Mums and never went back.
While he was at work my BIL went and got all my possessions.
I got a solicitor.. made him sell the house.. l got another with my share.. he gambled all his away.
I won't mention my ex husbands abuse.. it gets worse.
I've been single for over 30 years and have two loving daughters.. 4 fabulous Grandsons.. 4 amazing sisters and great friends... friends who have been in abusive relationships too..
The " Me too" wasn't out.. the police didn't take anything seriously back then.
You were interviewed by male police who all thought " you were asking for it".
If you saw The long Shadow and how the police used to interview back then? That's how it was.. so never got taken to court...

@Moier , don’t know if it’s always been the case but you sound like you’re a very strong person.

I’m so happy you’re surrounded by love now.

Yes this is exactly how I feel about all my physical anxiety symptoms. I'm telling myself now that if it IS something like a neurological disorder then it will still be there whether or not I go to the GP. And it will make itself known in time. So for now I treat it as anxiety. I think the fact that my symptoms change around so much is evidence that it is anxiety and not an underlying medical problem.

I already take fexafenadine and azelastine and steroids for extreme hayfever so don't think I can try another antihistamine. I've had pregabalin in the past for nerve pain and it was truly awful to come off so I vowed I would never go on it again. I don't think amitryptiline works for anxiety? I used to take it for nerve pain as well and it just made me sleep better.

EDMR does sound interesting. At the moment I'm getting the counselling through my private health insurance so am depending on what they cam offer me. But I will ask the counsellor about it as I do think that my anxiety is trauma-based. It's human nature that when a load of bad things happen one after the other you end up expecting more bad things to happen.

@Moier I'm so sorry for all that you've been through. ❤️

@Mufflepuff definitely discuss with your counsellor what’s available through your insurance plan.

I was entitled to 8 sessions through mine and at the end, when we started discussing EMDR she asked for more sessions and they’ve given me 5.

OP as you said you are wary of EMDR due to your retinal problem- there are other trauma- focused Therapies that could help. I'm sorry you've had bad CBT- crap CBT can be incredibly invalidating and harmful which is a shame as good CBT is much more effective than counselling for anxiety problems. The therapist should be babcp- accredited. Trauma- focused CBT works the same as EMDR, ie it is focused on exposure to the trauma memories. Exposure is the key element in overcoming anxiety (there have been a lot of studies on this). A lot of people who receive useless cbt end up in counselling and it's a relief to hear the counsellor validate what is true (ie that anxiety is an understandable response to traumatic experiences) but you need more than that validation to actually overcome it. Hugs to you- sounds like you've tried everything and you're at your wits end and have had a lot of bad luck

Spoke to the counsellor today who was lovely. BUT at the end she said I should get my physical symptoms checked out by a doctor. Argh! So now I am stressed out again. The muscle twitching and stuff got so much better over the weekend as I managed to relax. I was feeling so much better but now being told yet again by a mental health professional to go and see a neurologist when I'm convinced they're just anxiety symptoms is not helpful! I get that they have to cover their backs but telling someone with health anxiety to keep going to the doctor for every new symptom is surely not helpful?!

Please please give Cherelle Roberts a go! She does entire master classes on muscle twitching, as it was one of her main anxiety symptoms. If you don't want to try her counselling sessions, just have a look at her instagram page (@cherellethinks) she posts loads of really helpful stuff.