I Don't want to live but don't want to die

[Popcorn42]

I'm a mum of 3 ... Age 15 10 and 9..Seperated 5 years... Children have regular visits with their father & a close relationship.
He wasn't violent but treated me bad until I wised up... Our co parenting relationship has had ups and downs but we get on with it as best we can..
I work...have friends..great family..a home... But I'm (like a lot of people ) struggling money wise .. I pay all my bills a loan and a credit card...I've never had a red letter and never missed a payment...but once everything is paid I have very little left I just about manage shopping and petrol but absolutely nothing left for pleasure... Let alone a holiday or break away.
I'm struggling at the minute to see what the point of it all is... I've dated in the past but find most/all are liars or have hidden agendas...and have had a few awful experiences .I am not the type of woman who needs a man and am independent and I will not settle unless it's right.... Online dating is awful... I never go out as financially it's not doable so meeting somebody in that way isn't going to happen..I feel like I'm 39 and my dating life is done and I'll be alone forever.
I try to talk to my family but they are all married and have been a long time so don't understand how hard modern dating is.
I feel like all I do is get up ..take kids to school..work cook clean rinse and repeat...and in between there's nothing as finances put such restrictions on anything.
I feel like what is the point in it all? I'm overweight and unhappy but have no motivation or willpower to change it... I sleep a lot... I feel like I can't do this anymore I don't want to die&have never contemplated doing anything but don't want to live.....

7 years ago this was me. Sleeping all night, sleeping most of the day when kids were at school, single, put on weight. Was on benefits. No holidays.

Turns out my medication wasn’t working and I also had thyroid problems and b12 deficiency. New meds changed me.

Now I’m back at work, pretty good salary, in a relationship and getting married, and holidaying twice a year.

Honestly don’t lose all hope. Please see your GP for a meds review and ask for a blood test xXx

I think the craving my bed is my safe space....my place where I know there's no chores to be done ( I am houseproud and do keep it nice).. no people to have to interact with and it's warm😂

Agree with the people saying go to GP, say tired all the time and ask for blood tests to include B12, vitamin D, iron and thyroid, too. Although they may suggest these are symptoms of depression, there could be a physiological cause too.

Maybe start on sublingual B12 spray, too, even before the results are in? I recommend BetterYou sprays.

Your doing a good job bringing up 3 children op that makes you very valuable and things will improve as they get older

I could have written your post. I soooo understand how you feel. Single mum, lone parent, 100% care. I have no energy and every day I go though motions of caring for my 2 young children, work, more care duties, sleep - start again. I live off ADs and sleeping pills for anxiety. Feel I now have chronic fatigue. Eat for comfort. I can’t see any escape as I feel so trapped by the burden of solely raising my young children alone.

I just want some time, just a little, just for myself. If I knew what your solution was, I’d be doing it. Sending great compassion and love in hope for better times 💕

This sounds like me when my B12 is low (I have injections every 12 weeks). If you haven't already, please go and get blood work done to see if you are deficient in B12? A lot of women can't absorb it through food, so having an injection is the best way. You will feel so much better. I hope you get some help and sending you a big hug x

My mother was like you and now she's found her joy in life which are her grandchildren and being part of our lives and she loves it. Before it was us and all lonely with money worries. We all went to uni one by one and she was never alone and then we all settled and have had kids after getting professional jobs and meeting decent people. The money issue got better as we started to get part time jobs though when we were teens and we became a close family unit. It was hard when my peers were able to have there driving lessons, cars, holidays and gap years paid by parents but it taught us to be much more independent in terms of finding part time jobs, going to college then uni. She's never been with any other man and she focused on herself and us. She says herself that she is in a much happier place and wish she hadn't felt so low when we were early teens with money worries as the future was much brighter and well worth it. Please don't lose hope and I echo the pp mentioning B12, please look into it x

Maybe start on sublingual B12 spray, too, even before the results are in? I recommend BetterYou sprays.

SORRY! I can't edit this but I meant sublingual vitamin D as most in this country are deficient in it, not B12 as that could skew the results of your blood tests!

Sometimes life gets monotonous and with money worries or no spare money it makes it hard to try new things. But there is a lot you can do even without spare cash. Check local council websites to see if there are any local council or church activities you can participate in.

Losing weight for instance can be achieved by eating sensibly, walking or marching inside your home and up the stairs. I have a friend who felt like this and in 4 months she lost 16kgs or 35lbs. She looks amazing, she has so much more energy and her whole personality has changed. I am so glad she decided to lose weight as it really helped improve her mood. She has sold her old clothes on vinted and picked up some new ones from vinted too. It is like she has a new lease for life, she says she finally has energy to run behind the kids and take them to the park and outdoors. So do something for you! Health is Wealth! All the best!

There must be free activities you can do in your area. A gardening group, walking group, meditation group, discussion group, volunteering.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

We see that you are getting some wonderful support from other Mumsnetters which is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters. But as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Wishing you the very best,
MNHQ💐

You sound depressed if you want to stay in bed op. I was like this and went to see a counsellor and we worked things through.

I was stuck and talking things through really helped.

I think it's ok to stay in bed on your weekends 'off'. I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

Ideally get up before it's dark and go for a 20 minute brisk walk to the nearest shop and buy yourself a cheap treat eg orange or apple or a chocolate bar or a ready meal or bubble bath. Anything that takes your fancy.