I Don't want to live but don't want to die

[Popcorn42]

I'm a mum of 3 ... Age 15 10 and 9..Seperated 5 years... Children have regular visits with their father & a close relationship.
He wasn't violent but treated me bad until I wised up... Our co parenting relationship has had ups and downs but we get on with it as best we can..
I work...have friends..great family..a home... But I'm (like a lot of people ) struggling money wise .. I pay all my bills a loan and a credit card...I've never had a red letter and never missed a payment...but once everything is paid I have very little left I just about manage shopping and petrol but absolutely nothing left for pleasure... Let alone a holiday or break away.
I'm struggling at the minute to see what the point of it all is... I've dated in the past but find most/all are liars or have hidden agendas...and have had a few awful experiences .I am not the type of woman who needs a man and am independent and I will not settle unless it's right.... Online dating is awful... I never go out as financially it's not doable so meeting somebody in that way isn't going to happen..I feel like I'm 39 and my dating life is done and I'll be alone forever.
I try to talk to my family but they are all married and have been a long time so don't understand how hard modern dating is.
I feel like all I do is get up ..take kids to school..work cook clean rinse and repeat...and in between there's nothing as finances put such restrictions on anything.
I feel like what is the point in it all? I'm overweight and unhappy but have no motivation or willpower to change it... I sleep a lot... I feel like I can't do this anymore I don't want to die&have never contemplated doing anything but don't want to live.....

I hear you OP and Im in the same situation except only one child and an absent father. Literally no money left after bills paid. Wondering what exactly is the point

Life just feels like one huge uphill struggle at the moment... And financially it's only getting worse...just what's the actual point in it all ... You live to pay bills&struggle alone? There's no personal happiness or anything to offset it in between

I am sorry you feel this way op.

Two things
One your children will not be children for ever it goes really fast, either your 15 year old will move out in due course or if working will contribute to bills. Its only a few short years.. as they grow up and away you can easily focus more on your career and climb the ladder to a higher income.

Two having just spent time with a childfree friend who has just turned 46.
She has disposable income but a mediocre marriage and is distraught she never managed to have children, the holidays, shopping trips do not make up for the lonely road ahead. ( Her words )

You will always have those relationships with your family, and it is never too late to improve your earning capacity. Lastly 39 is so young!

I hear you OP. Life is a constant battle. I feel like when one thing gets sorted, another thing comes crashing down. I do have 'what's the point' days.

Op forget men for now. Think about you. What do you enjoy doing. Look at your local community college as there be some free things to do. I'm doing cooking and crafts at the moment around working and childcare. Is there a job you always wanted to do that increase your income, how could you get there . You so young and got so much to give. You bringing up three children single handed. Reach out locally . X

If your 3 are with their dad at regular times could you do some volunteering to meet new people. I think charity shops are short of volunteers at the moment

I was feeling low and got myself a bar job 1 night a week. I'm back home by 11pm, it does so much for my mental health and it also gives me some extra money at the same time. I didnt do it for the money, I done it for my MH, but already seeing the benefits of an extra roughly £3k per year for a few hours once a week. Would you consider something like that? Help break the cycle and give you a small amount of spending money?

I know exactly how you feel, and I'm very sorry you feel this way.

All I can say is that, for me, it got so much better! I had quite a lot of years where I was just going through the motions and I didn't feel I had any sort of life at all. I am now so happy, I enjoy my life. I do hope the same happens for you.

It's a difficult situation for most financially at the moment. Think about 1 thing YOU can change, is it sleep less and learn something new? Is it budget better? Is it exercising and losing weight? Take some time schedule for yourself for a nice walk or a long bath? Focus on that one goal, then another, then another. Take joy in the simple things: enjoy your garden, a sunset, baking with your kids. A lot of people don't have budgets for pleasures that cost money (holidays, going out etc) but this doesn't mean you can't find joy in the little pleasures ❤️ chin up! X

As your children get older, there will be more free time…hang in there! Can you try to squeeze in some free activities to break up the routine? You could gradually add to it once your children don’t need you so much anymore.

I’m doing free stuff such as
daily home yoga practice
jog/walk in the park
meditation
free museums/galleries, if there’s anything near you
activities in local libraries or community centres

I agree with PP, forget men and dating and focus on self-care

Everything just feels like too much of an effort..my favourite place is my bed.. sometimes I spend the whole weekend in bed if kids are with their dad... I know it's not right but it's the only place I want to be

In that case, could you speak to your GP? It could be depression and there’s help available

@Popcorn42 really sorry to hear this- it sounds like everything is really tricky right now and you are just trying to hold everything together. I do think it would be good if you could speak with your GP- you may have a health issue that is adding to your tiredness?

I'm on antidepressants have been for years since my last child. I just feel like it's a huge vicious circle that I just cant get out of....

I also know exactly how you feel and I can so relate to your post.

I wish I could offer you some more insightful advice to fix this but if I knew what the answer was I would be doing it myself.

But I can offer you my deepest sympathy and for you to know that you are not alone in this and there are many others in the same situation.

Big hugs and a bar of chocolate 🍫

I know what you mean, it's literally years since I went on holiday. Just a weekend in a European city seems like a dream these days. Or buying something new from a nice shop rather than hunting through other people's smelly cast-offs in a charity shop/Vinted.

Have you been checked for thyroid problems, anaemia, Vit d and Vit b12 deficiencies?

Can you think of something simple that brings you joy?

Hard though it is, can you stick to a more normal routine on the weekends and try to get some fresh air and daylight?

Do you need different AD?

I had my meds upped about 11 months ago... I feel like when my child free weekends come... Although it's a welcome break..that I have no purpose or will to be anywhere or do anything.
I went out for a colleague's bday drinks a few weeks ago and my friends birthday night out about 4 months ago and both times I was just counting the hours away to get home& into bed

Sending hugs your way.

Can you up your dose or try a different drug/? It doesn't seem like it's working for you.

Sorry it's so hard for you atm. Lots of good advice above. Also acknowledge to yourself how much you are holding everything together for your children, despite challenging circumstances you're not in debt, so give yourself some praise for how you are managing. It's not surprising you're worn out with it all. A counsellor once told me, when I was in a similar situation, to do one small thing just for myself each day.

It might be helpful to go back to your GP and describe how you're feeling, as it could be your ADs are no longer working as well as they did, so you may need to try a different dosage or a different AD altogether. Getting some counselling might help, just to talk things through. The charity MIND sometimes offer free sessions.

Be kind to yourself and don't try to fix everything all at once. Little steps.

Perhaps you should have a medication review as the current ones aren't working for you? If you're craving your bed, do you know why?

Medication really can help, but it sounds like you need more, like talking therapy or CBT, have you been offered anything like that?

Also, it's January, and January in the UK is shit, it's cold, it's wet so any little thing that can spark a bit of joy is a big win in my opinion, just any little thing that feels like a win can be a boost.

Really hope you feel better soon.

Please go back to your GP and tell them what you told us or show them your op.

When you spoke with your GP, did they offer you any talking therapy/CBT? this helps massively for a lot of people, alongside anti-depressants.

No nothing. I try to talk to friends but most don't get it as they've never been in this position....