I'm autistic and I can not work

[lilacsunbeam]

I'm 30, diagnosed as autistic when I was 11 and my whole life I have struggled to go to school/ work. I job hop and seem to be fine for the first month of the job and then it all goes wrong and I find the thought of going into work hideous.

I am a mum to one who is 3 and I parent her fine, I do become overwhelmed sometimes but for the most part I find it okay.

I was a stay at home mum until 2 months ago when I started a new job and thought I was loving it but now the cracks are starting to show and I feel like running away again.

My husband earns enough for me not to work and puts no pressure on to me work but I really wanted to earn my own money and feel like I have something else to my name other than just "mum" I'm really annoyed with myself and I don't know what to do.

Are there any people out there diagnosed with autism or strongly believe they have autism who struggle to work? What do you do instead to keep you busy and for filled?

Oh god I'm the same. It's not just about the people and the routine. It's remembering things. In my case being told to do everything. Getting to work. Getting home. Leaving the house. I don't know how people are supposed to live.

OP if you want to make a bit of money and love animals then why don't you consider dog walking/sitting? I completely understand your situation and think it could be perfect for you.

I’m autistic and has associated extreme anxiety and depression.

I’ve not worked for money for ten years. I do volunteer and regularly do short term courses. It keeps my mind active and forces me to mix with people which I need.

My issues sound very similar to you. I can cope with volunteering as I find the expectations are low and people are grateful for whatever you can manage.

I don’t really know what the solution is. Society expects you to work, I feel as though employment is required in order to be valued in society.

I'm so glad so many of you understand how I feel, it's nice to know I'm not the only one out there feeling like this.

I love the idea of dog walking/sitting, would I need qualifications to do this? Considering I would be going into peoples homes etc

This would be wonderful

Oh god I can't manage with my own kids. I can't imagine looking after others.

https://www.narpsuk.co.uk/static/dog-walking-business

Self employed is the best way to go especially if DH is supporting you. However, you should not need to ask DH for money as it is degrading so you need to address this with him asap. A debit card linked to a shared account I don’t understand why any husband or wife feels the need to make their partners ask for money it makes my skin crawl thinking about it.

There are so many "jobs" out there for a few hours a week that no one wants as they cant afford to take them, that could possibly be a fit for you.

Im managing 4X4 days a week as a server in a restaurant where the majority of our customers are over 60. I love it. It helps me talk to people without having to talk to them if you know what i mean . I have 5 minutes of pleasantries and move on. It helps me with my need to perfect everything, Im only there for four hours, I go in, do the job and come home, I dont feel the pressure that I put on myself to make everything perfect, just the customers Im serving get the best CS they ever have had :) Also for me not having time to get involved with the staff really helps me. Oh we get along and chat and giggle, but theres none of the pressure of having to be "friends" and knowing the ins and outs of everyones lives. I have Aspergers so for me this job is ideal. Its taken me a long time to find a job that fits me perfectly and Im lucky cos I dont have to work more then 16hrs now, I have a small pension coming in. The other job I did years back that really suited me was market research, again, I was in and out of peoples lives. Able to do the job because I didn't have to build relationships

You do not get to decide what a disabled person does in order to mitigate the effects of their disability.

I have asd. I job hopped for years - catering, childcare, admin, support work.

I would be brilliant for a few months then massively struggle, hate going in and start making mistakes.

I'm also easily bored and I can't keep my attention on things that don't interest me.

I became a sahm after ds was born. I loved it. Once he went to school I kept busy going to gym, visiting my dad, and looking after house.

I now work 12 hours a week Ona library I love it. I couldn't do full time but it's perfect as it is. I top up my pension (dh and I pro rata bill payments) so I'm paying a lot of my wage into my pension but you do need it if anything happens to your dh you need to be protected yourself.

I'd avoid admin personally. I'd think about stuff you like to do and look for a part time role that fits. I also loved volunteering when I did that

@Kwam31 letting a 3 year old have her room to herself and make as much mess as she wants it cruel? What about parents who have no disabilities and let their kids do nothing but keep the entire house tidy. Ridiculous comment.

And I agree that it is also ableist. Should my diabetic friend not stop her daughter rifling through her personal things because of the needles? Is it cruel to limit where she plays? 🙄

NEVER rely on an inheritance. Anything could happen.

Would peripatetic work work for you, not being stuck in the same place can free you up.

Have you considered self employment? It’s flexible and you don’t have to deal with people very much, you’re in charge and you can choose who you work with.

I’m autistic and I’m self employed. I make stuff and sell it online, or sometimes via art galleries and local gift shops. My friend who is also autistic runs an Etsy shop and website, she sells stuff she has ordered in bulk. So for example she might order 100 mugs and sell them individually for a profit.

What about self-employed cleaning? I would do a leaflet drop because advertising on FB never goes well. The rate has gone up to £17 an hour (or even more) in some areas and generally people don't like agency cleaners.

You only have to meet them to look around their house and discuss their requirements and then they’re either out or they (usually!) stay out of the way while you work. You can listen to music or an audiobook while you work. I can’t do it anymore because I’m older and burnt out but you might find it ok. Cleaners are in demand so if you don’t like any of your clients you can drop them.

I was going to suggest working at a kennels (or cattery but I don’t have experience in that) I did it as a teen. Basically walked dogs & picked up poop, any downtime was spent cuddling dogs 🤩
not sure if you’d need qualifications though, but would be limited contact with people & hopefully low stress

@lilacsunbeam I have the same issue until I've realised that my 100% is most people's 1000% and so now I dial it right back and give about 40%, I commute on the train so I don't have to drive after work, I will stay late if needed but I will not burn myself out anymore

No but you would need insurance in case a dog escapes or gets hurt/hurts someone else or their dog. Even stuff like if someone claims something is missing from their house and blames you or if you accidentally break something. All needs insurance.

It's more common that uncommon for people with autism to struggle with work

My daughter (21) has ADHD and autism which comes with debilitating anxiety and she can just about manage working from 6am to 9.45 am four mornings a week at Tesco picking for online shopping. It really pains her that she will always be financially dependent upon us

I'm autistic and felt very similar to how you've described yourself. I job hopped a fair bit too for various reasons. Ended up training as a therapist in the end and now self employed in that role. It is without doubt the best thing I did. Let's me have control of my working environment (noise levels, number of people, lighting, space etc) as well as control of what I wear. Previous jobs had uniforms! I am more focussed than ever because I am solely responsible for my work and I love that. If you have a passion you could follow to self employment it might be worth looking into. Good luck I know it isn't easy.