What the title says basically. I’ve been a single mum for two years, I have 2 under 7 from the same dad but unfortunately the relationship was domestically violent. That issue is sorted, we are safe and he is no longer around but it’s the after affects I suppose. Every day I just feel useless, everything I wanted was ripped away from me and I’m stuck feeling resentful looking after children alone. I love my children but to be honest, and I’m ashamed saying this, if I could turn back time I wouldn’t have had them.
Every day is a struggle and I look forwards to having that few hours while they’re at school because the rest of the time they’re either destroying my house, my belongings or clinging onto me. They make more mess than I can clean and whilst I do keep my house clean and tidy if I’m having a particularly bad day they can have my house looking like animals run it within the hour. Think toilet paper made into mache and stuck to walls, shredded paper all over the floor, bathroom flooded from bathing their toys, every single item of clothing taken from their draws and thrown etc. They will drag out every toy until their room is too messy to play in and then move onto wrecking mine too.
I don’t get sleep at night time as they have their own lovely room but insist on being in my bed. My youngest has to be touching me at all times and pushes themself up against my back all night no matter how many times I move them. I wake up 6+ times every night as I’m hot, aching and have a headache as they sleep with their head crushed into mine.
ill probably never have another relationship due to the nature of the last and the fact that my children won’t leave me alone, I can’t even sleep alone.
ive “seen” one or two men but they just seem to want to use me or “ghost” me so I don’t bother and there’s no point anyway
I just feel like an absolute failure, my siblings are high earners in long term lovely relationships who prioritised property and career and I’m a single mum in a council flat. I work part time but I don’t have a degree and will never progress above minimum wage roles. I’m happy and proud of them, but I suppose I’m the odd one out?
this is just me forever
I know I’m depressed but is there any point in getting help when the problem is under my feet?
I’ve considered suicide and I know my children would be looked after but I also know it’s selfish and they’ve endured enough already