Help me over come my fear of food PLEASE.

[Ellamaee]

im 22 and really underweight . Severe health anxiety and previous eating disorder
ive just had a baby 2 months ago and, and the weight dropped off me so fast now im only 45kg .
I’ve been to the gym doing weights with a trainer in hopes to gain weight but I know this won’t work unless I eat properly , but everything I have eaten in the past like shop bought bread , everything else with preservatives and chemicals etc it seems to be in everything ! So all the stuff in my mums house is full of it , so I easily go all day without eating cause I’m absolutely petrified of the long term affects of it (damage possibly done from growing up on it all) but find it so hard to find whole foods (I eat eggs) avoid bread now and basically all food cause I believe it’s bad with all the ingredients. Used to live off microwave meals now I’m seeing all the bad things about them . What can I do

Have you been to the GP? With the best will in the world I think your issues are beyond well meaning advice on MN. I think maybe your Christmas present to yourself could be taking care of yourself as you are important and deserve to be healthy - but that means being brave and seeking professional support x

Agreed with above poster, huge huge hugs op, my son’s friend is battling eating issues and it’s so tough because your head is telling you certain things that your body can’t physically handle x Definitely find someone to talk to, they see someone in our local hospital. Hope Christmas goes well for you x

Ignore everybody going on about how bad all food is and get back into therapy for your relapse of ED.

Another vote for seeing your GP. Thinking of you and hoping with help you can recover x

Agree you definitely need proper help to deal with the whole thing as this goes beyond food. For now though, please forget about the gym. Doing weights when you're not eating enough is not going to be good for you and your baby is tiny, you don't need to be thinking about your body at this point in any terms other than being kind to it for you and you baby. I hope you're around people you can talk to and get support from, then see your GP and talk to the midwife/health visitor honestly.

Congrats on your new baby. Can you speak to your health visitor or GP about a referral? Your mental health is extra vulnerable after you have a baby but you should also be able to access support more easily because of that, most referrals are quite quick at this stage. Make it your NY resolution to find some support, and enjoy Christmas with your little one xx

You need specialist medical help and may be better posting in the mental health forum (though it's a bit tumbleweed). Wishing you sustained recovery x

You’ll have to see a specialist etc. things like refeeding syndrome need to be watched out for.

You need some professional help OP so see your GP.

Good luck with it

I’m already in therapy for dbt but they said it’s a long wait . So I’m just posting for some reassurance cause I’m scared to talk to family about it
sorry should have posted In mental health

Have you considered cooking your own food and making your own bread?
It isn't hard and is cheaper than relying on processed food

There’s plenty you CAN eat OP.

chicken, steak, mince, potatoes, rice, vegetables, fruit.

you can make bolognese, chilli, cottage pie from scratch.
you can eat a roast dinner
you can eat bacon, eggs, organic Heinz beans arent ultra processed with no nasties so makes a good breakfast. Fry some potatoes as well, have half an avocado with it, that’s a great breakfast.

make your own houmous for dipping veg into.

until you get help for your orthorexia (I believe that’s what you have), you can absolutely eat loads of real food.

Agree that this isn’t maybe the best place for the support you need especially today, but be reassured. There is lots you can eat that will not harm you. Fresh vegetables and fruit, whole grains (I love barley) and pulses, flavoured with the herbs and spices you like, will nourish you and help you maintain a healthy weight. If you CouId get into cooking and food preparation, even start to grow your own herbs in little tubs, you’ll start to develop an interest and understanding of nutrition as opposed to faddy “diets”. Sending you all the best x

Also nothing wrong with pasta, sorry missed that off my list.

How can I move this to the other thread ?
I just googled orthorexia and seems to fit the description but just get labelled as health anxiety
I’m feeling overwhelmed with my wee one and anxiety sometimes stops me from going out therefore relying on what’s in the house
I don’t eat red meat anymore but love chicken , it’s a shame cause I’m always hungry and love food I’m just scared

Orthorexia can be linked to health anxiety. I have health anxiety too and went through a phase of being unable to eat processed food.

what’s wrong with red meat? It’s extremely good for you and if you’re trying to build muscle it’s perfect for your goal. Due to lack of eating you’re probably deficient in a lot of vitamins and minerals which will make your anxiety worse. Things like magnesium, vitamin d, low iron. Red meat will help with that naturally.

can’t you get food delivered? Do an online food shop of healthy foods, learn how to cook. You can make a delicious bolognese and have 4-5 portions in the freezer ready and waiting for you. Ditto with chilli, cottage pie, chicken curries.

yoo could have a lovely lunch of a tuna jacket with a big salad, dinner leftovers, a lunch of pasta, pesto, chicken and veg and a cooked breakfast as described every day.

Report your post to MN and ask for it to be moved.

Porridge - very easy to make and eat. Organic oats with whole milk, add some fruit and a spoon of nut butter. Lots of lovely nutritious whole food calories.
Might be worth looking at cooking vegetarian food if it worries you less, it doesn't have to be time consuming, expensive, or complicated. I can't be arsed with anything that is.

Thank you so much @TheWeatherOutsideIs , It’s nice to have someone who’s been through it . Always got told red meat is bad for you I just don’t know

@persisted I’ve been eating quarters porridge original , so should I have been making my own this whole time

Eggs are good for you - eat lots. Any kind of porridge is good - it doesn't matter how it is made.

Fruit is good too. Bananas and tangerines.

And nuts are very healthy- you can get them at this time of year so eat those.

You can make bread at home - I make sourdough which is just flour, water, and salt. You could make traditional bread with the same ingredients plus some yeast.

OP - well done for bringing yourself to post publicly, albeit on an anonymous forum. I only suggested me vont to Mental Health as AIBU can be a bit brutal

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle yeah I’ve asked for it to be moved . I didn’t even think

I went through something similar OP and unfortunately ended up in hospital. There are drinks available in pharmacies loaded with nutrients (these were given to me in hospital, so nothing dodgy!) to tide you over with what you're missing out on for the moment, so might be an idea to look into these? Obviously though, the disordered eating has to be sorted out for the long term. I feel your pain though.

Well done for asking for help. MN may not be your best option, but we can certainly try.

Lots of fresh fruit, vegetables and meat.

My DH doesn't enjoy processed food, so we make a lot from scratch.

It's very important to get enough nutrients especially if you are breastfeeding.

If you like vegetarian, pulses are a good source of protein and very filling.

Please reconsider red meat. In the short term it's really going to help