Help me over come my fear of food PLEASE.

[Ellamaee]

im 22 and really underweight . Severe health anxiety and previous eating disorder
ive just had a baby 2 months ago and, and the weight dropped off me so fast now im only 45kg .
I’ve been to the gym doing weights with a trainer in hopes to gain weight but I know this won’t work unless I eat properly , but everything I have eaten in the past like shop bought bread , everything else with preservatives and chemicals etc it seems to be in everything ! So all the stuff in my mums house is full of it , so I easily go all day without eating cause I’m absolutely petrified of the long term affects of it (damage possibly done from growing up on it all) but find it so hard to find whole foods (I eat eggs) avoid bread now and basically all food cause I believe it’s bad with all the ingredients. Used to live off microwave meals now I’m seeing all the bad things about them . What can I do

Also, could you ask whoever you live with to help, and buy better food?

i did buy some of the milkshakes u make with milk from boots , but have been staring at them too scared :/ vicious cycle

@Spencer0220 my mum doesn’t know I’ve relapsed and I don’t want to tell her or worry

You really should try and use these at the very least. when you totally stop eating anything, it makes the job of building back up to a normal diet that bit harder. But really, this is a stop gap. You need psychiatric help. Really sorry you're suffering with this x

Quakers are absolutely fine.

red meat is good for you. Processed meat with added nitrates, not so much. So ham, bacon that’s got nitrates in, meats that are cured with anything other than salt, sausages.

mince, steak, joints of beef, pork, lamb are all extremely nutritious and do not need to be avoided.

I used to live of bacon , sausages and ham, which is why I’m worried damage is done , especially when I was pregnant
@TheWeatherOutsideIs
I think it’s cause I have periodontal disease , and hearing all these stories how it’s a risk for diseases , I’m obsessively trying to avoid food that also risks those diseases cause I’m already at risk apparently

Sweetheart, if you're 45kg your mum probably already has a fair idea.

You have to let her help you.

Start by asking her to help you buy the right food.

My sister has food issues, and she definitely found it better when she told us and we could help.

It really didn't take much effort for us to help either.

@Spencer0220 I’ve always been slim , and always struggled to gain weight so I don’t think she’d notice x

But either way, you can frame it as her eating better too?

It can be very hard for those close to us to notice as they see us frequently. It can still end up very unhealthy.

You’re only 22 OP. The damage is not done xx

Would it help if we told you what to eat for breakfast, lunch etc and snacks that you could make yourself? And give you the shopping list to go with them?

Eg 1 small coffee cup of porridge oats with 3 coffee cups of milk. Simmer until cooked. Add 1 piece of fruit eg banana.
Or
2 eggs scrambled with a splash of milk and butter and ground pepper and served with sliced tomatoes.

Mixed veg soup.

1 carrot, 1 leek, some broccoli, 1 sweet potato.

Slice the leek and fry over a low heat in olive oil. Add the diced carrot then the diced sweet potato. And a pint of chicken stock from a stock cube. Add the broccoli and a small cup of red lentils. Bring yo a simmer and cook for 20 mins. Whizz up with stick blender. Add loads of pepper or chili flakes or smoked paprika.

To add simple hacks that may help a bit. Anytime you have a soup as suggested by previous posters, crack an egg or two in it and poach it for a few minutes. You can do the same with many veggie dishes. It will help you beat the hunger and is simple to do - you need simple right now. For rice and pulses, cook a larger quantity, freeze individual portions and just add to whatever you're making. Would you be able to afford meal kits? Those also follow basic principles of sound nutrition.

Do you need some snack suggestions?

Nuts and seeds such as sunflower or pumpkin seeds are high calorie and nutritious. They can taste nicer if you toast them dry in a pan first. Eat on their own or stirred into porridge or yoghurt.

Nut butters are also good, there’s lots of different kinds - they are lovely if you blend a tablespoon worth with milk and banana as a milk shake. Add a raw egg for extra protein. All supermarket eggs are from chickens vaccinated against salmonella so it’s low risk.

Dried fruits are also useful as snacks or additions.

My Grandson had ARFID after covid.( he lost 3 stone in months)
He saw an ARFID specialist ( l paid private at £80 a session .. he had six..and now he's back to his normal self.
Please seek help.

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/

I am no doctor but guess the situation has gone back to extremes as you just had a baby- that is a huge physical and emotional adjustment and you are having to be there for a baby, so the food is probably an area where you feel you can control. However your baby needs you to be strong and well. They need a lot from you so you need support for you too.

The truth is there is no 100% fail safe advice on diet, it's best just to follow a few simple guidelines (the NHS website is good) on calories and macros.

By all means work towards cutting down ultra processed food, but having some ultra processed food won't harm you. A diet fully free of UPF can be hard work and quite restrictive.

It is a good thing to think about and get educated about though.

I'd say for now, allow yourself more of what you want even if it is 'unhealthy' as it is better to have the energy. And practise not judging yourself for it.

You could try one of those recipe boxes like Gousto for a middle ground.

If you do want to introduce it gradually, have you thought about joining some facebook groups like Reducing UPF where you can share plans and get ideas. You might decide some is and some isn't for you.

Eating issues sometimes become self fulfilling prophecies, the more you fear food, the more you attract comments which then stick, reinforcing the behaviour or the fear of changing it depending on how negative or positive the comments are. The best thing is to let go of some of the control and give yourself grace/permission to indulge/gentle encouragement.

80% good 20% treat is absolutely acceptable (my personal trainer who is recovering from an eating disorder taught me this).