I'm 25, I feel numb underneath ... my dad died a month ago, I love him and miss him and a lot of the time find comfort in the idea of dying and being with him so he can comfort me.
I'm best friends with my boyfriends sister, she's extremely upset with me because I've arranged for some drinks for my bfs birthday but I didn't invite her... because she had already told me previous to finding out that she was working so I didn't think to invite her for no other reason. She doesn't care for my reasoning ... and I can't handle the thought of her being upset with me and believing that I didn't invite her on purpose because it really wasn't like that.
I gig on some weekends playing music, everybody is so happy, and I join in on the happiness but I go home and cut my legs afterwards.
I have a two year old and the past month he is all for his dad, (my bf) I feel like he isn't bothered about me at all. He cry's when I hug him because he wants to hug his dad, things like that.... it breaks my heart with jealously because every mother I know there kids are always Mammys boys.
I feel like I could disappear and it would make no difference to him. It frustrates me because I do everything for him, and he seems to not like me the way he does his dad.
I would never kill myself because I couldn't do that to my son... but I definitely think about it a lot, I know it's nothing more than a thought, but I feel like I'm floating around in pure sadness.... but on the outside nobody would even know.
I'm so sad. Some things might seem so small but everything is hurting me so much. And adds to my "what's the point" feeling. Is that makes sense.