How much of your childhood can you remember?

[CutiePatooties]

I have booked counselling sessions and just had a general chat with DH about what I expect from them. He said about how they’d go into my childhood and I told him I hope not, as I can’t remember any of it really. Only a few things, but he asked about primary school, any teachers or friends I remember, any play dates or summer holidays, birthdays, Christmas. I don’t remember any of these things!!

He thinks it’s trauma related and I have repressed memories, but I just think I’m rather forgetful generally, anyway.

I do remember my older brother has always been very aggressive (since he was very little) and has actually hit everyone in our family but me. I also remember my mum walking out a few times and saying she’s not coming back and from about 5 years old, being put into the back of my dad’s car with my younger siblings and going out in the dark looking for her. This was a frequent occurrence and I remember panicking that we’d never find her and that she was leaving for good. I don’t know why I only remember these things and the fact I can remember 2 bad things means his theory surely can’t be correct.

Can anyone tell me this is normal? I can’t remember anything really until secondary school age.

Depends if you have chosen a psychodynamic therapist, they will ask about your childhood. If it’s person-centered they will let you decide what you want to talk about.

Only the odd memory, don't remember any birthdays, Christmas I remember we were home and my grandmother came but that's it and that must be secondary age, we had roast turkey etc. Infant school remember the Head smacking legs of children who didn't eat all their food, the sports car of one female teacher, struggling with a strange method of teaching reading not defunct, ita. Then a bit from juniors, mainly being bullied and crying and a teacher hitting a girl and putting another's head down the toilet. Secondary remember more. Summer holidays I remember one when I was about 12 a bit. Not too much.

One playdate but the girl used to attempt suicide.

I remember my childhood pretty well but my brother has literally no memory of it at all. No trauma, nothing stressful particularly, it just seems to have made no impact on him really. He's a bit more of a chilled out person than me so I've often wondered if he lives in the present whereas I'm the kind of person is still worrying about something embarrassing they did when they were 9.

I remember quite a lot from my childhood, from when I was about 3 years old. I remember my birthdays and Christmases (not everything about them of course, but gifts and guests, etc.) With those bigger occasions I get help from photo albums. But I also remember stuff that are not in any photo albums, like grocery shopping with my parents when I was 4 years old, playing with a specific toy, playing with my brother, etc. I also have lots of memories from my early school years, friends, teachers, homework.

I don't know what is normal and not normal.

OP, I hope your counselling sessions will work out well for you, and that you will benefit from them.

Not a huge amount because adulthood has been too busy and of late, far too stressful.

I honestly think the early years of work were so tough, they knocked out a lot of teenage memories. I had so much fun but don't remember much till I look at photos. The line in the Bleachers song "chase that feeling of an 18 year old, who didn't know what loss was...now I'm a stranger" hits hard.

I'm not sure how accurate anyone's memories are of anything though maybe I'm just crap!

I remember my 9th birthday pretty well. I remember being a toddler and swapping from mum or dad's lap till bedtime. Well, I'm not going to list everything but most of my ishoos are definitely from adulthood and the workplace.

my sister is amazed I don't remember much about the house we grew up in till I was about 9. But I really don't.

Ah, seems like it’s a mixed bag and just comes down to memory; he did have me worried that something traumatic has happened and I’ve blacked it all out!

I’ll ignore him and focus on the sessions ahead. Thank you @SkaneTos I’m looking forward to getting the help I need. Long overdue!

I don’t remember much either unless people ask me specifics. I which case I can recall things
no trauma. But I have no visual memory (called aphantasia, which hasn’t ever been a major issue)

but if you have recurring memories then they’re like to be important to you and may need working through.

I remember random things from my primary school years (age 4-11).

There are some years of adulthood that are just a blur, such as when the kids were young.

I think being too busy / not getting enough sleep, and maybe being in survival mode too, can affect our memory.

I can remember being a baby (just one or two isolated memories before the age of one), quite a lot of being a toddler, all my school teachers, a lot of classmates, all our pets etc. I can also remember the decor, layout and furniture of each room of each home we lived in. I don't know why, but my parents both have long and detailed memories of their own childhoods, so maybe it is genetic. People seem to vary a lot with regard to memory. I know plenty of people who don't seem to remember much of their childhood.

I agree with this about living in the present vs anxieties.

My cousin had a lovely childhood, no trauma, and very blessed in many ways. She hardly remembers anything at all prior to teenage years.

I had quite a traumatic childhood, with domestic abuse, alcoholic parent, significant bereavements, abandonment etc. I remember my childhood in great detail, even events going back to the age of two years old.

The difference between us is that she lives very much in the present and isn't much of a dweller. On the other hand, I ruminate on everything due to anxiety. I think this has reinforced all of my memories, whereas my cousin has forgotten a lot because she doesn't think things over and over for months on end after the event.

I remember everything in detail. My earliest memory is from 6 months old! I'm over 50 these days but there is a particular photo of me in my grandma's arms I remember it being taken and I was very taken aback when I saw it!

It sounds mad I know but I can remember being in the big double buggy- my mum had as she had 2 under 2 yrs old. It was very cosy and snug! On the other hand my sister (who was next to me in the buggy) has no memories earlier than being about 10 yrs old.

We had very lovely, gentle and secure childhood - very lucky I know. My mum had a dreadful upbringing but with my lovely Dad gave us a great start in life. I've no trauma to block out.
From what I understand mums family were very dysfunctional (Alcoholic Grandad and abused Nan) but my Dads family were mint and mum learned all her parenting from my paternal Grandma. Mum was with my Dad from being 16 and they married when she was 18 and he was 20! Mum is still going and almost 80 so I look after her now as Dad died 20 yrs ago.

My sister is like you - can't remember anything before she was 11. I can go back to the age of around two, yet, obviously, we had similar childhoods - only two years between us and no significant events such as parents splitting up that would differentiate us. I don't know what the reason is for the difference.

Not sure if it's relevant here but apparently those with ADhD traits find remembering childhood memories very difficult. My DH had no memories of his childhood at all, came from a broken marriage but also Autistic and most likely ADHD too.

I remember everything, absolutely everything from age 4 onwards very clearly. My childhood was very abusive / neglected etc my Mum had a lot of mental health issues and alcoholism and was sectioned on and off a lot. I am 43 now but it’s like my heads a huge filing cabinet of memories. I didn’t realise until recently how unusual that is. I have autism and I think I hyper focus on things and that makes them more likely to “stick”.

I can remember my childhood in loads of detail from the age of about 3. I can recall all the rooms of my childhood home almost as if I still lived there (we left it when I was 9 or 10.) I can remember one-off events as well as daily routines; food, clothes, pets, school, friends, etc. I was a slightly anxious child but had a good childhood in a loving family.

I can remember a certain amount of stuff but my sister can remember far more detail. She can remember so much it’s actually scary. We are in our late 50s !

Very little. Abusive father and brother and distant mother.
My husband thinks that it’s somehow hidden.

My dad was very ill with cancer when I was about 7 or 8 and I remember very little of my childhood until after that. He survived but I do wonder if there was trauma from that.

I remember absolutely everything from my childhood, going back to when I was 1, with emotional, psychological and physical abuse from my early years (and still now with the emotional and psychological). I agree with a pp further up thread who mentioned ruminating about events so much that things become very clear, that is certainly the case for me.

But traumatic things did happen to you - your Mummy disappearing several times, possible violence from your sibling?

I don’t see that as trauma, I suppose. I think I did find it hard mum walking out and being so young as I always worried she was gone forever and when out looking for her I thought if we don’t find her, she’s gone for good. However, she always came back. I know people whose mum or dad did actually leave forever, so that to me is trauma. My mum just stormed off every now and then without explaining to us what the hell was going on. Never even had an explanation when she did come home, so did live on eggshells, wondering when she’d leave next. Whilst it wasn’t a great cycle to live in, I’m not sure it’s up there with trauma.

My brother hit my dad, had fights with my two eldest brothers, police were always called out. Pushed my younger brothers about, pushed my mum down the stairs, punched my sister in the mouth when she had braces so sliced the inside of her mouth open (that was a hard one to watch). Threatened to burn the house down in our sleep, if mum told him to leave. Again though, I wouldn’t say that’s up there with traumatic events, as he never hit me. They suffered the trauma and my sister for instance (who was badly hurt by him) hasn’t been effected by any of it, so I doubt I would be effected as an observer.

I’m annoyed that these things are the only things I remember. I’m sure my life was probably filled with wonderful things, but I just don’t recall any of it. Out of 7 of us children, 1 is the violent (now drunk) with the same issues (mum called police out only a couple of weeks ago), 1 is an alcoholic, 1 has paranoid schizophrenia, I have BPD and my youngest brother is 32 - short temper, never had a relationship, in loads of debt, no plans to move out of my parent’s house, jumps from job to job. There’s only two who have come out stable/normal! So I think that’s why my husband has added my lack of memories of a childhood with the way most of us have turned out and concluded something more has gone on here.

It is good to know that it’s just different for each person and 2 people can have the same childhood and whilst one will remember it all in detail, the other might remember nothing.

I remember very little about my childhood. As far as I know I had a nice life with no trauma but I have more than once wondered if there is trauma I've blocked out because my past is quite blank. I don't remember much of primary school, friends etc, what I did at the weekends.

I was in a training thing recently wherever were asked about the toys/games we played as kids and how we think that's reflected in our adult personality and everyone else had big long descriptions about their toys and play, I vaguely remember My Little Pony but no actual memories of playing at all. I have an older sister and I have literally one memory of playing with her, from my whole childhood, and that was in a pub garden.

Those things will have impacted your emotional development as a child OP. Your sense of security and self confidence - ability to step forward into the world, if you like.

And it sounds like that of your siblings too.

Have you ever had or considered counselling / therapy?

Do you have children yourself?

@Letterbix I feel your pain! I did an online test for autism and it asked about imaginative play as a child and I just couldn’t answer it. I have no memories of playing anything. I can’t remember a toy, or play, or who I played with. It’s all very frustrating.