How much of your childhood can you remember?

[CutiePatooties]

I have booked counselling sessions and just had a general chat with DH about what I expect from them. He said about how they’d go into my childhood and I told him I hope not, as I can’t remember any of it really. Only a few things, but he asked about primary school, any teachers or friends I remember, any play dates or summer holidays, birthdays, Christmas. I don’t remember any of these things!!

He thinks it’s trauma related and I have repressed memories, but I just think I’m rather forgetful generally, anyway.

I do remember my older brother has always been very aggressive (since he was very little) and has actually hit everyone in our family but me. I also remember my mum walking out a few times and saying she’s not coming back and from about 5 years old, being put into the back of my dad’s car with my younger siblings and going out in the dark looking for her. This was a frequent occurrence and I remember panicking that we’d never find her and that she was leaving for good. I don’t know why I only remember these things and the fact I can remember 2 bad things means his theory surely can’t be correct.

Can anyone tell me this is normal? I can’t remember anything really until secondary school age.

Just read your update OP. Your childhood is not normal and is what most people would describe as traumatic. You grew up in a home where domestic violence (by your brother) was the normal. It IS traumatic to witness domestic violence as a child. This will have effected everyone in your family.

I grew up in a chaotic home with a mum with mental health problems (who also thinks mental health problems don't exist!). I always thought my own childhood was loving and good. It was only with having had my own children that I made the connection that my own childhood wasn't good. There was never any food in the house. We weren't fed until late at night. My mum was always late for everything. We were always late for school and she was always late picking us up (think hours not minutes!). I still remember one Christmas eve when I was about 8 or 9 when she screamed at my brother and I for hours for using the wrong wrapping paper to wrap a present. When I was in high school my mum never got out of bed to help us get ready, see us off etc. We basically went into school with no food or money to get food. We were always walking on egg shells around my mum. I never knew what mum I would be coming home to or what would set her off on one of her screaming episodes. My mum is also a hoarder but those tendancies didn't really come out in my mum until my late teens.

In short, I suspect my mum is ND. My son has autism and now i recognise so much ot her behaviour in my son. She basically couldnt cope with having 1 kid, never mind the 4 in six years that she had. My dad worked away from home and basically left my mum who couldn't cope to cope on her own. i've always felt abandoned by my dad.

@JanglyBeads I’ve had talking therapy in the past but they were so short-lived as it was on the NHS and they only run for 6 weeks (ish). I had my first session yesterday, with a counsellor I’ve found privately.

I have 2 DDs - a 7 year old and an 18 month old (I was diagnosed with BPD whilst pregnant with my 18 month old).

I always say I might as well have been left in a cupboard until I was about 13. I have a very poor episodic memory in general (e.g. if you were to ask me what year I travelled to country X it would be a wild guess). Not a traumatic childhood. I remember little occasional snapshots but that's it.

We do have a lot of ND in the family but other family members are similar.

Great that you've found a private counsellor (and can afford that). I hope it helps you. Presumably you will share with them what you've written on here.

@JanglyBeads I can only just afford it now, due to receiving PIP. We touched a bit on it yesterday (just about my mum) but because I was giving her an overview of issues I wanted to cover, we haven’t gone deeply into any of it yet and I haven’t mentioned my brother.

@XmasPartyhat thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience all of that and it must be difficult if your mum doesn’t want to admit there is a problem or work on that.

I feel that accountability is so important - it was only the other day my mum admitted that her depression has ‘probably’ effected us. I think that was her way of apologising and it did make me feel a bit better.

I can’t imagine going through what you’ve been through with one parent and on top of that, feeling abandoned by another parent. Sending hugs 💐

Yes this resonates. I've got ADHD, my memory is pretty bad and now in menopause -ish, it's shockingly awful.

The thing is I don't really question what I don't remember - to me what I remember seems pretty comprehensive but when I start trying to recall specific details or years I can't. But I try not to worry about it.

My mum used to say that the older you get the more sharply the past comes into focus. She already had a good memory but in later life she said her childhood was so vivid to her. She told lots of great stories too - was a child during a war (not WWII) and had harrowing stories, but also the funny details of family life, eg the things her naughty brother did!

Anyway OP I wouldn't worry too much, I have a friend who can remember every single day of his life from 18 months. It makes him deeply unhappy, he drinks a lot to blot it out.

Almost no memories whatsoever.

A few images from school but hardly anything from home or friends.

I even came across other kids when I was in my mid/late teens (I do have memories of that period) who knew me as a child/early teen and I did not even remember who they were/their name or the events they were talking about.

My mind erased most of it up to 13/14 and even that is patchy.

It is actually quite sad.

I could have written this myself - exactly the same scenario with Mum and I also remember everything - events, the patterns on the wallpaper, smells, texture of the sofa etc, even from the age of two or three. Ironically, I’m almost 50 now and have the shittest short-term memory in the world!