I can't do it anymore

[cannotdoitanymore]

I'm so low and I have literally no one. I can't think straight anymore, all I have are thoughts of not wanting to be here. I can't wake up and do it all again tomorrow I just can't. I'm on hold to the crisis team but it's been so long and no one is answering. Where do I turn next? I don't know what to do.

OP I'd take a mum who was poor and healthy over one who was better off and suicidal any day of the week.

Without this man taking up all your headspace and leaving you feeling like a wreck think of how much more attention you'd be able to give to your kids. He is the one making it difficult for you to function as a mum.

Do you have any supportive family you could go to? If not start taking steps to free yourself from this relationship, for you and your kids sake.

He's just said to me on the phone when I finally managed to get hold of him, "I'm leaving you, I'll be a better dad without you around" then slammed the phone down

Also told him I'd felt suicidal last night and wanted to take tablets. He said "that's your own stupid fault isn't it"

Op I've seen your post where you say that your child deserves a better mum. Do you know what? She will only ever have one mum. Even if you were no longer here no-one would ever fill that gap for her. No step-mum, no foster carer. We all only get one mum and even with poor mental health and a crap husband she will always love you for being her mum. So be kind to yourself. Accept we are all flawed and human and a big chunk of us feel suicidal at some point in our lives. I know children who lost parents to suicide and it is a mortal wound to many of them. You can get through this crisis. I'm sure that your wellbeing will improve once you are single and your child will forget this blip in your mental health. Christmas is an awful time to feel low as we are sold a dream of happy families and we burn ourselves out shopping, cooking,cleaning to make a perfect Christmas. In reality many people find it hard and there's a reason why calls to relate rocket every new year. Hopefully you have now spoken to some lovely people and have seen a tiny chink of light. Just put one foot in front of the other. You can do this!

What do I do about him? How do I cope on my own if I end it? I'm so scared I don't have the energy to be a single mum and deal with it all alone 😞

It feels so scary, but being a single mum will be a thousand times better than being with this man.

You do not deserve to be treated this way, he is making you mentally unwell. It can’t be any harder than this, surely?

Well it's not going to be a walk in the park but he will have to support your child financially and you can do it. Find your inner rage with him and that will power you through. Imagine a more peaceful life where you have control. You need to line your ducks up. Use it to plan your new life.

Hope you are ok x

OP another voice just checking in. I too am in a similar place - reaching out to you