Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I can't do it anymore

59 replies

cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 20:26

I'm so low and I have literally no one. I can't think straight anymore, all I have are thoughts of not wanting to be here. I can't wake up and do it all again tomorrow I just can't. I'm on hold to the crisis team but it's been so long and no one is answering. Where do I turn next? I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 20:57

I am sitting watching my youngest sleep and all I can think is, her life would be so much better with a different mum. She needs a better mum. She deserves that.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/12/2023 20:57

No. She needs and wants her mum. You’re the only one if those. What she does want is a mum who is healthy and happy.

Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 20:59

I am too scared to give a rough area in case someone recognises me. Maybe that's paranoia I don't know but my thoughts aren't very clear right now 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 21:00

Does anyone know how many promethazine I can safely take to just get a good nights sleep? One tablet doesn't work.

OP posts:
Impatientwino · 10/12/2023 21:04

If you can't reach crisis team please text shout - someone there can't chat with you over text for as long as you like

Impatientwino · 10/12/2023 21:05

CAN chat with you that should read sorry, typing quickly

EmpressSoleil · 10/12/2023 21:05

I am going to say one blunt thing. What sort of life is it for your girls if you're no longer here?

It's easy for me to say but the financial aspect really isn't that important. A happy and healthy mum is what is important to your daughters. I have been in a relationship like the one you're in and yes I also felt suicidal at times. He is the problem, not you. Once I got away, I thrived.

I won't lie to you. It was hard at first. But every day I got stronger and happier. You have no idea right now how happy you could be, just you and the DC. But I 100% promise you that you can. You can have a lovely life. Peaceful, calm and stable.

OldTinHat · 10/12/2023 21:05

No. OP. She doesn't need a different mum. She needs YOU. And you can absolutely do this.

Ditch that waster. You will find a way on your own.

I'm speaking from experience.

Come on, get yourself together. There are many charities who will help you. You're stronger than you know. Honestly, you'll look back and be so proud that you've got through this. You have got this.

Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 21:08

I've posted on here about him before under different usernames but this has been going on for years. He's always been like this. Now I have a child with him too and it seems there's no escape.

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 21:10

@EmpressSoleil
How long were you in it before you found the courage to get out? I've been 8 years now with this awful man. Why do I do it? I have no self esteem and probably deep down believe it's all I deserve. Now we have a child too it's even harder as it's the guilt of breaking up my baby's family.

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 21:11

Reading my messages back and they make no sense do they. My head is gone.

OP posts:
BananaSplitsss · 10/12/2023 21:11

BrusselsPate · 10/12/2023 20:31

If you can't get through to the crisis team please call the Samaritans, their number's 116123.

My mental health is in the gutter too op. You really aren’t alone and there is help.

For now. Take it minute by minute. Literally.

Take off your shoes / socks / slippers and go outside. Barefoot. Feel the cold underneath you… look up to the sky.

Look for stars , count them , breathe , breathe and feel the cold underneath your feet. Repeat.

Have a spoonful of warm water. Not sure where I read this but apparently it kind of grounds the senses too.

And phone the Samaritans. I did. For the first time ever this week. I was desperate and am desperate. They were kind. They got me through that moment .

Sending gentle hugs and keep talking.

You are precious and we are here for you.

❤️

Watchthedoormat · 10/12/2023 21:11

Your replies are testament to the great person you are.
Get through tonight and look forward to a better.
It really is there for the taking OP. Use your strength to grab it.

Didimum · 10/12/2023 21:17

You’re making perfect sense. Do you have friends or family to stay with?

RumNotRun · 10/12/2023 21:19

Your child/ren DO NOT need a different mother they need you. My mum died when I was 13, it's fucked my sister and me up for life. If she'd died from suicide, we'd probably be more messed up.

Your partner may provide a lot of finances, but trust me a happy mum who's broke is way more preferable than a depressed mum with money, or worse still, a dead mum. Material stuff (other than the obvious food, heat, shelter) don't matter more than love and their mum.

You can do this, don't let your dickhead partner ruin your life and that of your child. Please.

Falalalalaa · 10/12/2023 21:23

Sweetheart you’re not failing as a mum. You are your daughters whole world. Her safe place, her everything. She needs you.

Please stay on hold to the crisis team, and consider speaking to Women’s Aid when you feel more stable. Yes it will be hard for a while, but getting free of this man will be the best thing you ever do I promise. We’re all here to help, many of us have felt like you and come through the other side. There’s nothing special about us, we just didn’t give up and you won’t either. Hold on, there is help and a happier life out there for you xx

EmpressSoleil · 10/12/2023 21:27

It was five years for me. And I know how hard it is to take that step. You become so beaten down by the way you're treated that there is no energy or strength left to do anything about it. All your energy is taken up just getting through each day.

I do understand and I feel so sad for you knowing that you're in this situation. But because of that I also know how happy you could be. A beautiful life is waiting for you away from him. I wish I could just reach in my hand and pull you away from him. But know that me and the other posters are holding out that hand over the Internet.

If you want to tell us what the practical issues are, there are so many wise and knowledgeable posters here who can give you advice. You don't need to decide anything right now but please give it some thought and keep posting if it helps. You're not alone 💐

ohsobroody · 10/12/2023 21:29

cannotdoitanymore · 10/12/2023 20:47

I sort of rely on him financially. Not fully as I work too, but his income is a huge part of our household. I'd struggle on my own and what sort of life is that for my girls. I'm just done.

Oh sweetheart, I grew up really poor and it strengthened me and gave me compassion. There are far worse things in life.
Your babies need you, they need you alive and here with them

EachFallenRobin · 10/12/2023 21:48

I left my nasty ex-husband when my daughter was three. It was messy and scary and incredibly painful. I moved many miles away, stayed with a friend for a few weeks until I got given a lovely council house. We were pretty skint for years but my daughter had a wonderful childhood with a happy mum, we both made lots of great friends, she had a calm, loving home and most importantly never saw her mum being treated badly. Because of this she's grown up into a fab woman, in a good and stable relationship, earning well in a job she enjoys. It is so hard to break away but it can be done and really is worth it - it's the best thing you can do for your daughters.

NotDoingOk · 10/12/2023 23:33

Another vote for texting Shout. I'm in a bad place at the moment but they helped me earlier this week.

Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 11/12/2023 07:46

He is still ignoring me completely. I've had paramedics here who wanted to take me to hospital but I refused as I have my toddler with me. They've left now. I don't know what to do next.

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 11/12/2023 07:47

Trying crisis team again

OP posts:
Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 11/12/2023 07:50

NotDoingOk · 10/12/2023 23:33

Another vote for texting Shout. I'm in a bad place at the moment but they helped me earlier this week.

I've just text them. How long does it take for them to reply?

OP posts:
NotDoingOk · 11/12/2023 08:03

It probably took 15 minutes when I messaged

Original poster
cannotdoitanymore · 11/12/2023 08:11

I am chatting to someone now, they seem nice

OP posts: