Please help, in A&E after doing something stupid

[whywouldshewantme]

Lying on a trolley feeling stupid and very sleepy. They said I’m to wait and see a doctor. 3 hours ish. Stupid stupid knee jerk reaction to something. I haven’t told anyone.

I promise you the MH team won’t be horrified. This is literally what they’re there for

Thank you. Doctor has just been round and seen me. Said I can go home shortly if all’s OK in my medical history, but have to contact my CPN at 8am tomorrow.

Great news you can sleep in your own bed!

That’s such good news OP. I know things seem shit but you’ve at least got a support structure in place and you’re not going to die of organ failure. You will get through this. All best wishes xxx

Thank you, am curled up in my own bed now. Friend who’s same age as my mum sent me lots of virtual hugs via text and said the fault isn’t mine. I haven’t told her what I did. I don’t think it’s worth saying. A&E doctor said they think I just panicked and needed an escape and don’t think it was suicidal. Waiting on OOH MH team ringing me back.

Sorry OP, I fell asleep. Glad you’re safe and sound. Also very glad you’ve got some MH provision, however patchy, in place. Extra glad you didn’t cause yourself permanent damage in any way.
You need to gather those who support you around you as they will likely be far more understanding than you expect. I know it feels terrifying but I went through two years going through hospital stays totally alone, not even telling people I’d been in ICU being resuscitated, and since I contacted a good friend early this year it’s been a bit easier - I don’t tell her every detail but just knowing someone has basic knowledge and cares about me and will usually respond if I get in touch has helped me.
This can sound so boring and trite, but you’re young and you have huge potential. There are many people out there who love you in many different ways, or who don’t know they love you yet but will find out soon. Stick around to give those people the opportunity to enjoy your presence. Take care OP.

Glad you are safe and back at home @CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau

Do you think you were suicidal or was it a cry for help out of desperation? I’m wondering how you got to A&E and whether you had taken enough medication to cause yourself harm?

Hope you are getting more support from your MH team now.

Sorry, previous post was for the OP @whywouldshewantme

I did wonder! Have actually been out of the house for a blood test today and just returned by taxi after a near-faint at the GP, and I wondered how you knew for a second!

Sorry to abandon you last night, OP. Glad you are safely home.

That would be spooky 😀

Sorry for the late reply! All been OK ish. I didn’t take enough medication to cause serious harm no. It was more to block out how I was feeling.

Spoke to CPN on Friday, she said to do something nice for myself over the weekend - went out and got my hair coloured and eyebrows done, did some Christmas shopping too.

Saw her face to face yesterday - she said she can’t professionally say what she wants to, but thinks friend has gaslit me for 2-3 months which I would agree with; we went out several times the two of us and were very flirty, kisses, I love you, etc etc.

CPN did say at least it’s happened now and not a year down the line when it would have hurt so much more.

I still haven’t told anyone. It’s not being treated as an OD or suicidal intent.

I can’t get my head round the fact that it was all a joke to her and am so hurt.

Anyway… CPN told me to keep going, keep strong and suggested I watch it’s a wonderful life 😂 (she did say, ‘big trigger warning, BUT, it’s a nice film and you’ll enjoy it’) so I’m sitting doing that just now, I’ve never seen it before.

Really good news OP, you’re being strong. I didn’t realise it had progressed to kisses! Sounds like she was leading you on and using you - really sorry to say that but it’s a reflection on her not you.

Sounds like you’re managing to take some steps to self-care, which is also awesome! Between that, your self-insight and your compliance with the CPN, no matter how bad it feels and I don’t doubt it feels shit, you’ve got your feet on the road to better mental health in the future. Don’t berate yourself for this, it would be a big blow for someone who doesn’t struggle with what you do.

Also your CPN is right. I wish my ex had stayed gone the first time he dumped me because the next two years were just agony either being rejected or picked up when he wanted sex and ignored when he didn’t. It really sucks but at least you have to go through it only once.