Please help, in A&E after doing something stupid

[whywouldshewantme]

Lying on a trolley feeling stupid and very sleepy. They said I’m to wait and see a doctor. 3 hours ish. Stupid stupid knee jerk reaction to something. I haven’t told anyone.

I’ve asked a doctor yeah he asked what I’ve taken and said he’ll ask when Uk getting bloods checked before can have anything more.

All those things going round your head feel powerful and overwhelming and upsetting but do you know what? They’re just thoughts, they’re not facts. Your friend will likely be flattered and think it’s really sweet and you are definitely not the first (or last) person they will see in the hospital this week (probably even today) who has done something like this. What can you do today to dial down those thoughts?

Tomorrow, register with the student mental health service, they’ll be able to help you find different ways to deal with difficult thoughts.

It’s going to be OK, and you don’t need to feel bad about any of this.

You aren’t stupid lovely. We’ve all done daft things when we get hurt. It’s normal and natural to have thoughts. I can guarantee you will be perfect to someone just not your friend. Take it easy on yourself. Think of the ways of what makes you . Any negative thoughts turn positive.

OK. It might feel bad but just keep asking about the bloods until they get back - if they’ve been taken it shouldn’t be long but hospitals are so busy and chaotic atm you sometimes need to make your case modestly. They won’t want to give you paracetamol or opiates in case you’ve already ODed on them. Stay strong. Count breaths and distract with your phone - look at something silly on the internet (I know it sounds stupid but I’ve been in hospital so suicidal I’ve ligatured but it really can keep your mind off what’s upsetting on you). My favourites are BoredPanda or the Poke, or reading one of the sillier MN Classics.

Hey you, hope you’re doing okay. Try not to feel so much guilt and shame. She sounds like she may have been leading you on?
It’s very embarrassing when these things happen and they happen more than you know.
I promise that one day it won’t feel so raw, although you may still cringe a bit but you will also smile at the same time.
We are here for you x

Hang n there, OP. I've been where you are now. It really does get better.

Yeah it feels like she was. I’m neurodivergent so I wouldn’t be able to easily tell if someone is joking.

I was sa’d as well when I was little and she has made jokes a few times about going back to my flat with me and stuff. and I was so scared about making myself vulnerable and now I have it’s come back and bit me.

Thank you it really is helping a bit reading messages

Stupid would be both of you feeling like that and neither of you saying anything. Then you’d both have missed out.

What you did was brave and honest. This time, it didn’t work out but next time it might.

Did you know, if dogs accidentally drink antifreeze the fastest cure is to get them very drunk?

OK I can’t think of any more diverting trivia. But more hospital advice (don’t know if you’re in often): particularly when you don’t have visitors, once you’re warded the other patients will probably be mostly lovely and the staff will look after you. You might mean just as much to another patient who needs a friend as they do to you xx

Sending you a hug, she wasn't the one for you, you've done nothing to feel bad about. X

Also absolutely agree with @pickledandpuzzled. I’ve been hurt a LOT wearing my heart on my sleeve, but people tend to respect you for it, if your crush is a reasonable person they won’t hate or dislike you for it and I promise you, there will be another person. You sound lovely and saying “you can just find someone else” is a bitch when you’re only beginning the journey away from what is rejection, although not of you as a person. I respect your strength for saying what you did and if I were your friend I’d respect you for it too and try not to let it change anything. You’re brave. Now let people take care of you in your darkest hour xx

I fucking LOVE this! So true

Totally this! I'm glad you're somewhere safe, I wish you had someone with you though xx

Hi whywouldshewantme,

We're really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind but when any of our users feel as you do we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon.

Sorry OP, do you mean you took an overdose after being romantically rejected? Just you haven't explicitly said that and I'm not sure others get it.

Have you got a CPN?

Yeah I did yeah. Sort of. I don’t think MN would allow details. I have got a CPN yeah I’ve got diagnosed complex ptsd, ocd and panic disorder. Also got psychologist and psychiatrist, I’ve got the whole team. Uni MH Team are aware but they’d be horrified if k told them what I’ve done.

It other stuff though my CPN keeps working me on ‘I am loveable and I don’t deserve to be abused’ and here we are I feel back to square one.

They’ve put me in a cubicle and done ecg and blood tests. Nurse said depending on what tests say will see a doctor then psych team.

I don’t know what your medical problem is or might be, but it’s good that you’ll speak to the psych team. It’s unlikely to get you more help right now but it will speed up the help you get outside the hospital.

Nobody is going to be cross with you. Promise. Really. I’ve been through what you’re going through (emergency hospitalisation for MH reasons) lots of times. It’s really, really shit but you’re dealing with a lot already and rejection is the cherry on top of the shit cake: nobody is going to blame you for reacting to something that’s happened to you like this in your circumstances.

And that is still true. You are indeed loveable and you don’t deserve to be abused. Nothing has changed.

The journey to getting better will always have potholes that make you wobble.

Hang in there. You can do it.

I know, I just don’t feel it tonight. We are talking to each other on group chat now although she’s quieter than normal but we are talking at least. Feel more awake and with it than I did earlier. Nurses have given me a glass of water.

Hopefully my usual CPN or someone can call me tomorrow. I still feel so stupid - I don’t know what I was thinking telling her.

We are meant to be going out for dinner on Saturday three of us and I’m seriously unsure I should go now

Lovely OP, I know it’s so easy to focus on all the stuff in the mid-to-long term. You need to get through hospital, be truthful with your carers including your CPN about what has tipped you over the edge and what has primed you towards that edge, and then do some serious self-care. If she’s speaking to you, that’s a good sign, but at the moment you need to think about yourself.