Abusive ex…can’t do this anymore

[arlsford]

I can’t take it, it’s too much. After years of isolation and controlling behaviour before leaving me abruptly alone with a baby he’s now using my son to control me and make my life as miserable as he possibly can. I don’t understand where all his rage towards me comes from and it’s been years now and I’ve reached breaking point. I signed whatever he wanted to get out of his country because I was so desperate and alone but now I’m supposed to bring my son there once a month while he sneers at me and refuses to pay maintenance despite earning more than me and making me pay for the travel. Even then he has his mum look after my son. He doesn’t want to FaceTime him or anything the rest of the month. I cannot face doing this anymore and have him laugh at me suffer while he does whatever he wants and doesn’t struggle it’s too much. I’ve seen psychiatrists and counsellors for years and even had inpatient treatment but it’s not helping. I’m trapped by him and so broken and still he’s winning at every turn. I can’t be alive anymore

Where are you living and where is he ?

can you just refuse to travel until he has gone to court which will take ages and give you breathing space.

please stay here as your baby needs you so very much

Stop taking your son to see him. Just stop.

My son would be developing very bad infections and generally getting unwell to travel. Get a good doctor on side.
Do not dance to that man’s tune. Enough already.

i’m living with my parents because I can’t afford to live alone anymore and they’re both furious saying I don’t have a choice and that I signed a legal document and I’ll end up losing him altogether and it will be all my own fault. I know they’re scared of losing their grandson but they know how bad i’n feeling and it’s not changing their mind, there’s just no escape from any of it

Op, stop communicating with this man at all. Block him on every channel. Force him to go to court if he wants to see his son, and I highly doubt he would even bother. He pays no maintenance and pawns the child off onto his mum. He doesn't care about his child, he just wants to keep abusing you.

Document everything, cut him off and stop going.

You are not going to lose your son.

More detail needed. But if he's making you travel unreasonably for him to have contact. Just stop

Your parents aren't v supportive, id go to a women's aid shelter. You need space to think. Right now you are being shamed from all sides, just for trying to live in peace.

Stop taking him to see this low life and cut him off he’s in another country for a start he can’t force you to take him there.

Get back on your feet at your parents and then move on and find another home and never tell him where you are.

are you in the uk???

What legal document ??? Are you in the Uk?

OP, it sounds as though you need legal advice, preferably from a solicitor specialising in family law.

What exactly did you sign? Are you in the UK? If you are I highly advise talking to womans aid!

Where are you?

Which countries are involved, and what is the legal document that you have signed?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]] or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We'd also like to share a link to our domestic violence webguide, which contains lots of contacts such as Women's Aid.

Love and best wishes.

I’m in Ireland and he’s in UK. Signed child arrangement order and financial consent order. I felt like I had no way out because I couldn’t stay there any longer alone and survive but he wouldn’t let me leave. Even when I was hospitalised he refused to take him - insisted my parents flew over to look after him instead. I feel so stupid but I really didn’t see a way out other than to sign everything and now it’s just all caving in.

Speak to a solicitor op get legal advice and stop going over with your son

Did you get a legal reprentative to look over the documents before you signed it? Otherwise legal jargon can be very confusing. If not try women's aid and take the documents with you. They may be able to help.

I did have a solicitor but she was very passive and his were very, very aggressive. I don’t feel like she had my back at all, but she was correct in that he could block my move indefinitely without going up against him in court which I was already too broken for anyway. I just felt so trapped by him again and it feels like it’s never going to end and I can’t live like this

You might try Rights of Women, a specialist legal support.