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Original poster

Help, husband picks his skin

56 replies

tyson2007 · 05/12/2023 21:05

I don't really know where to start with this post. I guess I am just looking for some advice as I feel I have exhausted everything.

For the last few years my husband has been picking his skin to the point where it bleeds. His arms mainly but now I have noticed he has started on his legs. Any little pimples or spot he sees (or imagines) gets picked. He now has lots of scars to the point where he looks like he is self harming. I have tried every approach possible to get him to stop. Supporting him at first, giving him targets such as summer holidays as he has to wear short sleeves. I've bought him creams to help heel the scars etc but he just won't stop. He has also started using my make up to cover it (very badly as we have different skin colours!).

I now get frustrated with him as the kids have now noticed so I threaten him with a doctor appointment or telling his mum (which really angers him). He just brushes it off as a bad habit but it's become a lot more than that in my eyes, it's more like self mutilation.
I am so sad for him as he is a handsome man but it is really noticeable when he wears short sleeves now. I have been in tears over it.

We are a happy family with 2 lovely kids, he has a job he enjoys so I can only put this down to his very obsessive personality (he has also recently started vaping despite never smoking but that's for another post!!)

How do you think I should approach it now?

OP posts:
UsualChaos · 05/12/2023 23:58

toomanykittensnow · 05/12/2023 22:48

I pick the skin off my feet so badly it hurts to walk. I pick skin off scars on my legs. I pick skin off my ears and wrists. I don't know how to stop but when I get home from work all I can think about is taking my tights off so I can pick. I'm very anxious always s s this picking helps.

I do this too, and so does a friend. We both thought we were the only ones in the world that did it.
Did some research, and not so rare. Wish I could stop though.

Balloonhearts · 07/12/2023 21:28

I do it too but on my scalp. There's no point threatening him, you physically cannot stop. I can be practically screaming at myself 'stop fucking touching it! Leave it alone!' And still be doing it. You can't help it, its like an itch that you aren't allowed to scratch, it's a compulsion.

I've tried everything. Creams to heal it quickly and prevent a scab forming since they are always my target, I can't ignore a scab.

I've tried therapy, hypnosis, aversion training, physically blocking it with headbands but nothing works. I hate it, I'm so self conscious of it but it's really not for lack of effort that I haven't stopped. Why make him feel worse about it?

Veryirritating · 08/12/2023 09:57

Balloonhearts · 07/12/2023 21:28

I do it too but on my scalp. There's no point threatening him, you physically cannot stop. I can be practically screaming at myself 'stop fucking touching it! Leave it alone!' And still be doing it. You can't help it, its like an itch that you aren't allowed to scratch, it's a compulsion.

I've tried everything. Creams to heal it quickly and prevent a scab forming since they are always my target, I can't ignore a scab.

I've tried therapy, hypnosis, aversion training, physically blocking it with headbands but nothing works. I hate it, I'm so self conscious of it but it's really not for lack of effort that I haven't stopped. Why make him feel worse about it?

Me too @Balloonhearts

I’ve got bald patches and really thin hair now but still can’t stop

Back21970 · 08/12/2023 10:17

This must be very distressing and frustrating, I do feel for you.

I had an Ex who constantly pulled his eyebrows out, ended up completely bald, it drove me insane.

Its ok people saying be kind but living with something like that and trying to ignore it is very difficult - I actually felt sometimes I might need therapy myself to cope with it.

Yes, he is obviously suffering from anxiety and embarrassed but needs to seek some sort of help and acknowledge the problem.

The fact that it started not that long ago does indicate to me there is something behind it and therapy may surely be worth a go.

Hope you can find some sort of solution together X

hellobim · 08/12/2023 14:10

OP I did this for years, self referred for CBT with talking therapies and it worked. It is worse with anxiety and when people tell me to stop doing it. Needed to put effort it but I managed to stop and it was ruining my life

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 08/12/2023 14:21

Agree regarding CBT. I developed tricotillomania as a 14 year old which then developed into body dysmorphic disorder in my late teens. The two disorders can be comorbid. As an invisible child whose sibling had been sectioned and whose parents didn’t cope well or give me any support, looking back it was certainly related to anxiety and emotional neglect in childhood. In later life I got help and had CBT which is an effective treatment for OCD related disorders.

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