Very literally all day, it's become the first thing I think about in the morning to the last thing at night.
I think about methods (pros and cons), whether it is more or less selfish to leave a note, how to minimise impact on DH and DC (e.g. is there a way to make it look like an accident), whether I care if there is a life beyond death.
I think about it so much it's stopped being distressing to me. I feel quite numb about it, even find comfort in it, but a part of me realises that's not exactly normal.
I have OCD, I'm wondering if there is some kind of suicide OCD.