I absolutely abhor myself. How can I see myself in a better light?

[Chihowhow]

I absolutely hate myself. I am a terrible person, a terrible mother and do nothing to contribute to society in any way whatsoever. I am on an anti depressant and an anti psychotic but they do nothing to help with my self-esteem. I cannot afford therapy and just don’t want to continue the way that I am. Please help.

You can self refer to talking therapies on the NHS in lots of areas, although there may be a bit of a wait.
https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/

I think though it may be an idea to speak to your GP, it sounds as if you may benefit from an increased dose of your AD, or even trying a new one maybe. I do get it, I’m struggling a lot myself atm, but you absolutely are not a terrible person and, if your little one is fed and well cared for you are NOT a terrible mother either! I hope things feel brighter for you soon

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. What do you hate about yourself? Is there something specific you feel you have done wrong? If you are a mother then you are definitely contributing to society!

Have you tried CBT? There are some free online resources if you google (I don't want to recommend any specific thing I haven't actually tried so I haven't linked).

I did an online course through the NHS with a couple of in person appointments. It was very helpful.

Be kind to yourself xxx

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I feel like I am failing miserably at everything. I’m not working, I struggle to discipline dd and I have crippling anxiety about everything. I just wish I was good at one thing-that there was something I could hold on to and say “yes, I am capable of that!” Xx

There will be lots things you are capable of. You just don't feel like there are because you're not well and so you are focusing on the negatives. That's not your fault.

Try to break it down and think about different parts one at a time. You may be able to find some actual concrete things which could be changed to make you feel better, which you can control.

Do you want to be working or are you choosing to stay home with dd currently?

How old is dd?

Do you have a partner or are you on your own?

You're not alone, I am currently undergoing compassion based therapy because I felt like this. Definitely reach out to your GP and find out what resources are available for you. I promise you that voice in your head telling you you're a terrible person is lying, take care ❤️ x

open.spotify.com/episode/2u44fGjsgQtkfJde5M3BkW?si=HoNQfLBLSpOIDcuDfJlnwA

Listen to this podcast. I'd recommend his book too.