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Original poster

Is debt worth getting sick over?

31 replies

Mummype · 21/10/2023 18:44

I got myself into a mess 5 years ago..massive debt I hid from everyone and eventually made am attempt on my life. Now I've finally decided to face the debt and I feel all those same feelings I did 5 years ago. I also think I'm gonna face a to overpayment soon too. Part of me is saying to calm down and take it slow...get an iva and sort my debt. The to overpayment won't affect my credit file and il take a benefit reduction to repay and pay off with spare money. The other part of me is sick with worry...no sleep. Bad thoughts creeping in. Is debt worth dying over? I don't want to go to that bad place again and I refuse to but the fear won't go away. I have spoken to stepchange to get help but its still very triggering facing my mess. X

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 21/10/2023 19:03

No. Definitely not worth dying over.

Go and get help from Step Change or similar. They will help you set realistic goals and it will be a huge relief.

My sister has huge debt and this has worked for her.

Cottagecheeseisnotcheese · 21/10/2023 19:21

I would suggest CAP Christians against poverty, you don't need to be religious and the scheme has no religion but they are really good at getting to the thinking behind debt etc seems like you need counseling more than a budget but it's not worth dying over or losing sleep but don't bury your head in the sand get some advice

Original poster
Mummype · 21/10/2023 19:23

I drove into a lorry at 50mph and its a miracle I'm even here. I'd two young babies at the time. I'm so so grateful I'm here for them and I don't want to get that low again. I can't work due to life long injury but I'm just glad I'm here. But the debt and upcoming letter from hmrc is weighing very heavily on my mind x

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Ollifer · 21/10/2023 19:41

I've been there. And im still struggling and in debt but this is not worth losing your life for op. There are ways around everything. There are people and organisations that can help. I know it's scary and overwhelming but you can do this.

HippeePrincess · 21/10/2023 19:47

Nope money isn’t even real, it’s a concept/representation of wealth. There’s so many agencies that can help you sort it out and depending on how much the debt is it may be worth working out how to pay it off, or how to get it written off.

Babyroobs · 21/10/2023 19:50

No I don't think it's worth worrying over too much. People can seek help with debts and most say they feel instant relief when they address things and a payment plan is put into place. Please take those first steps in getting help.

Britneyfan · 21/10/2023 20:19

Nothing is worth dying over in my opinion, and it doesn’t help anyone for you to make yourself ill over this, maybe deep down you feel like you deserve to be punished or something if you’re asking this? You don’t.

So many people get into debt, it’s really common, and life is so tough for so many people right now with the cost of living crisis. You’re not alone with this but I get how stressful it must be. A

huge well done for facing up to it even though it’s difficult and triggering. Facing up to debt is one of the best things you can do and it’s the first step to getting over it, rather than burying your head in the sand about it.

What have Stepchange said is your best option for trying to sort things out from where you are? An IVA is a lifesaver for many people and lots of people describe feeling super relieved once they have it. It may well be the right option for you though it’s not without a few downsides so talk it over with Stepchange and make sure you are doing what’s ultimately likely to work out best for your individual situation. And then go forward from where you are now without dwelling on what happened in the past. The only way is up!

Original poster
Mummype · 21/10/2023 21:09

They have advised an IVA as the best option seeing as the debt is 34k and I can't work anymore. So they have passed my details on to a reputable company they deal through to start the process. I think it would make my life instantly better knowing something is being done

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Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/10/2023 21:12

Please call a helpline xx

Squiggles23 · 21/10/2023 23:32

@Mummype it is absolutely not worth dying over. Please take that ‘option’ out of your head and put it in a bin. Every time your mind goes to that though path remember that option got binned and don’t let yourself go there. It’s hard I know.

Now we can look at the other options. You’ve already reached out to a organisation to help! Well done you. That’s a massive step and probably the hardest one of all. Im sure others will suggest lots of good organisations but I’ve seen step change come up a lot so I know people recommend them. Make sure you tell them about your mental health spiralling over the debt and how anxious it makes you feel. They can hopefully take things gently.
I imagine the worst part will be laying out all the debts on to the table to see. Once you’ve done that they can do their thing and suggest things sort it. Get them to do as much as possible at that point and just tell you what to pay.

Yes it will be tough trying to repay it but focus on what you have and what you can do. Think of your lovely babies. There will be a day in the future when you can look back on this and have it all paid off so just keep taking baby steps in that direction.

If your head gets bad write down your worries and anxieties. Try and just do one job for the day if it’s bad - contacting the council, ringing back step change, opening the letters etc etc. Once you’ve done one thing go and have a cup of tea and breathe.

You are a surviver and you will get through this.

Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel too?

🌸 x

Original poster
Mummype · 22/10/2023 00:18

Thank you so much for your kind words. Laying all my debts out was hard..hard to be accountable for my poor decisions. But I also know people will all the money in the world who lost children and in the end money isn't the be all and end all.

I keep telling myself I survived 5 years ago and no way am I putting my family through that again...1 month in the hospital...years of physio...it was tough so I can't let debt destroy me again xx

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Squiggles23 · 22/10/2023 10:18

Reach out any time @Mummype ❤️

I truly think you’ve made some massive steps now so don’t let it all overwhelm you. Try and think of what you’ve achieved already which is immense.

Things WILL get better X

Ollifer · 22/10/2023 10:24

You've already taken the hardest step. It's sickening to sit and total up the debt but you've done it and reached out and something is being done about it. Good on you op.

Original poster
Mummype · 22/10/2023 23:17

Thank you xx

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IcyHot · 25/10/2023 19:26

Is the process moving along @Mummype

blackboots2 · 25/10/2023 19:36

I have been there and at one point was £38k in debt on a £21k salary and I promise you, debt is never, ever worth dying over.

One of my friends was in a similar position and got an IVA despite really, really not wanting to but she has never looked back. She had 5 years of affordable payments and then the debt was wiped from her record. She is now a homeowner and had developed some pretty good money/saving skills along the way. Getting all the letters is quite scary but I agree with a PP, talk to Christians against poverty or other free debt advice people and they will advocate on your behalf and help you find a way out.

Original poster
Mummype · 25/10/2023 22:44

Thank you. I hope to get an IVA set up as I think its the only option I have at this point.

To top it all off I get a massive YC overpayment bill because of a mix up with esa claim..I am screwed. It set me back to a mood so low it reminds me of the week before I tried to kill myself.

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Doglover19 · 25/10/2023 23:00

I've been in a situation where I lost my kids , my home and my sanity and now money means NOTHING to me !! What's the worst thing that can happen to you ? OK so you could go to prison if it's council tax or other serious debt but that's the worst thing that can happen ... and there's thousands of ppl in your shoes right now in a lot of debt and I suspect in the not too distant future many more will be ... money , debt , nothing Is worth more than your mental health . I've now just lost my partner he was 35, he spent years working 60, 70 hours a week then he got run over and got brain damage which changed him overnight . All those hours he run himself into the ground for his company who turned their backs on him when he become ill. He got a lot of money in compensation and it killed him . His mental health couldn't cope with the money. You can always earn more money to pay off debt , you can't fix your own mental health as easy. Concentrate on you , you can pay off your debts bit by bit.

Squiggles23 · 25/10/2023 23:16

@Mummype just take it one step at a time and don’t let it defeat you. Have you kept in touch with step change? What are they suggesting are the next steps.

Any time you need someone come back here or PM me or one of the others helping. You’ve got this.

The most important thing is your babies ❤️. You survived before and you can get through this for them. X

Original poster
Mummype · 25/10/2023 23:36

I appreciate this...I'm waiting for an iva specialist to contact me. I feel like I'm just surviving atm

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Original poster
Mummype · 26/10/2023 08:28

I am truly sorry you have went through this and when I read and hear of things like this I completely calm down about the debt. But then I get manic and worry myself intonthe ground. Part of me says that il get an IVA for my own debt and the HMRC il pay back when if it take me 20 years. My mood just completely fluctuates. And there's people who would do anything to have a loved one or good health and i feel stupid for worrying about this I just feel like a complete failure in life. I can't work because of injuries from the crash,thankfully I had private income protection so I have that money coming in plus PIP and ESA but I feel like a fraud. I had a dream of what lofe would be like when I got married but I was young and naive and nothing has worked out how I imagined. O have 2 kids and I love them to death...they are my only accomplishment and they are 2 smart young wee boys

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IcyHot · 26/10/2023 10:14

We had an IVA and the HMRC overpayment was included with the debt. This should be the case with yours also. IVA payments usually last 5 years but can be 6 depending on how many payments you make and stays on your credit file for 6 years.
When the amount you pay is decided, it is based on a budget that you agree on, taking into account all your outgoings and income. The budget should allow for all household and living expenses but they should explain all this when you have a consultation. I'm happy to explain anything further or any questions, feel free to ask.

Original poster
Mummype · 26/10/2023 11:54

I just can't shake the feeling of what a failure I am to get into this mess. Its embarrassing. I feel so so stupid

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IcyHot · 26/10/2023 12:17

I understand how you might feel like that. I've been through it twice and I don't think it as failure. I think of it as dealing with the situation as best I could. You will feel a whole lot better once you get started with getting it sorted.

Original poster
Mummype · 26/10/2023 14:10

I think once I had an iva set up I'd feel a lot better..knowing that after a long time I'm facing it. The HMRC debt il pay off what I can for whatever amount of time theyl agree to...its this lull time waiting plus not helpful that Xmas is coming up and both my kids birthdays.

I did see that HMRC debt won't affect affect credit file etc if you actually work with them so that did ease me a little

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