If you were offered a job in a dangerous country?

[onascale]

How crazy would this be?

I'm middle aged, stupidly took voluntary redundancy 7 years ago, thinking that with my experience and qualifications I would find another job.
Hah.

I've had some temp contracts, but I'm not paying into a pension. Covid hit the job market hard and it hasn't really recovered, I'm barely making enough to cover living expenses. This is probably going to get worse, not better.

I have been offered a job in a very dangerous country. I would be living in a compound, but there is always the possibility of being in very real danger.

However, the money is amazing. I could do 3 months there and earn a year's salary.

DH wouldn't be happy, we have been married for years and he is giving me a hard time every day about money.

DCs have finished Uni, are in their early twenties, we've seen them once in the past year.

I've always been independent, I'm not scared and really, what have I got to lose? I'm living a slow, suburban death.
This was never what I wanted for myself. DH has got stuck in his ways as we've got older.

All thoughts appreciated.

Hello,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

So sorry you're feeling so bad. Surely there's an alternative if you're happy to work away? This sounds so extreme. I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your husband but you don't need his permission to end your marriage. 💐

Thanks @ImaniMumsnet I know about them.

Unless I have just been unfortunate, charities just listen. Which is lovely and all, but doesn't feel helpful to me.
I want to do, not just talk and, I want advice, preferably from someone pragmatic.

Really @Photio? I love Edinburgh and I have family there, it's a bit of a complicated family set up (the second marriage of one of my Grandparents), my Mum's half siblings. We all get on really well.

I'd love to work in Edinburgh, even just for a short time.

Maybe not @Noseyoldcow, I have spent my whole life doing the 'right' thing. My reward for that? Misery. Maybe it's time not to do the right thing, instead to do something that will test my mettle?

@WinterDeWinter you've got it. In theory, I could leave here tomorrow. The trouble is that I don't have the money to support myself while the divorce goes through and, while I appreciate that I would eventually be ok, that would take months, possibly years. In the meantime I have to eat! DH is certainly not going to support me if I leave, not unless he has to. Courts take time.

Thank you @Mysticguru that's my understanding of it and I'm ok with it.

Based on what you have said, I would go for it. If nothing else, this is something you are doing for yourself, it is new and has an element of adrenaline and risk that can make you feel more alive, it gives you more persona and finanacial independence , and it gives you a break from your marriage and husband.

I think in your position I'd go, do a few tours and use the time to decide what I wanted to do - which frankly would be to open a new bank account and get paid into that from tour 1, gather all my precious items and paperwork (get a mail diversion set up to a friend or PO box so that is all safe), put them in a storage unit, then tell your husband you want a divorce before you go out for tour 2 and have all the paperwork moving so that you have a cash cushion while it is all going on and you have the mental space to look to the future.
You sound so sad and downtrodden. Life doesn't have to be like this, and you obviously have so much talent to be offered this role, so maybe take this as a sign that things can change positively for you

In your situation, I would go. In fact, I would like to know where you find jobs like that, because I would consider when my kids have grown up. If nothing else, it would be useful for my own life contemplations (and the money, of course). 3 months will pass by quickly.

I think in your shoes I would go for it. Even if you just do 8 weeks there and no more.

It would give you money of your own, a break from your marriage/home life, a bit of excitement and change.

After the 8 week hopefully you will feel able to decide what to do going forward. Continue with that work, work here and separate from DH.

It does sound like you should separate from DH, but the only way to do that is getting money. So maybe a year or so doing this work would give you enough to start up alone?

Is it one of these?

I wouldn’t do anything drastic with poor mental health. Please get yourself checked out by a professional.

Given your situation (and even before your latest updates) I'd definitely do it. In fact, I've done very similar work in the Sahara desert ... travelled in bullet proof buses in armed convoys from the airport etc. The compounds are great because you cant just pop to a shop if you want something, so anything you want is provided free. The work is long hours (there's naf all else to do) but the other people working there also become like a family - which it sound like what you need right now. It'll also give you the ability to get some money to help you change the direction of your life.

Good luck with your decision.

Your mental health isn't great, are you sure you would be going for the right reasons, does the idea of danger make it more appealing ie there is a slim possibility that you might not return, rather than the financial benefits.

If there was a choice to go somewhere else but with reasonable financial rewards, which option would you choose?

Also, would it not be possible to get any job near where you live to build up your finances whilst starting separation procedure.

I would be devastated if one of my parents seemed to think the only way out of the place that they are currently in is to go to somewhere so dangerous that they have to live in a compound and if they couldn't be airlifted out, they would be killed.

I've sought MH support, my GP surgery is excellent. Ultimately, what they can't do is get me out of the rut I am in.

It's like one of those crappy diagrams, stuck - can't do anything until I have a job - few jobs where we live and I have applied for everything, including factory work, apparently I am overqualified for that <sigh> back to - stuck.

Our marriage may yet survive. He is happy, aside from the fact that I am not working. I'm wondering whether time apart would remind us both that we can be good together, or it will be the shove I need to leave.

@crumblingschools I would consider going elsewhere, though anywhere I go would have to pay good money, enough for me to live wherever it is during the week/month/whatever and have enough in the bank to give me choices when I come home.

@Gumbo exactly like that. Thank you for being honest about it.

@oreo2020 in my case, via a friend I'm afraid. That said, I'm happy for you to pm me and I'll see if I can ask how to find jobs like these, it may take me a while.

If it’s the situation you are in here and now making you unhappy, then I’d go for it.

I think solutions closer to home and may need to leave DH as you said it's a slow death and while scary upheaval I'm sure would help recover your MH and being able to get back into some work, even if needed benefits to survive for a while. I didn't realise how much impact ex had on depression/anxiety until I left and felt better.
Do you do any volunteering/hobbies locally to help get some social time away from DH to help with MH? I can see why getting away appeals and do agree some headspace to get fresh perspective could help, house/pet sitting could give you change of scenery for free if able to travel, they often aren't paid but maybe similar jobs that are.

I think it's a really bad idea if your MH is already rocky as you'd likely need to call on extra resources to cope being confined to same place. The people you dislike and find annoying will be amplified and maybe arsehole bullying colleagues to contend with but without ability to relax at home or weekends away to recuperate. It's worse if feel isolated while surrounded by people. It's big challenge without the reality that it's a dangerous area which will only compound feelings of being trapped.

I'd be upset if any of my loved ones chose to go to a dangerous place they didn't actually have to or had any passion in the purpose such as a charity volunteer, as it just to escape boredom of home and get some money. I'd also be worried the whole time they were away, so your kids may struggle with it even if DH is on board.

I would go for it OP having read your updates.

Get some money behind you and then you can make positive choices about what's next for you in life.

Best of luck.

Don’t think living somewhere isolated and with dangers is a good plan in light of your MH issues.

I would take this and run with it full speed, from what you have said about your life, this sounds so good for you. You need something that's just for you to make you feel needed and wanted (I think) and of course the money would be very handy at being able to give you the time to make a decision on what you want to do with the rest of your life.

You only get one shot at your life, this is not a dress rehearsal, if you are not happy, please do something about it.

Definitely! Nothing ventured…

I know a few people who have done this
in Iraq working in oil and gas in a compound. All fine and amazing money, ho for it, clung be your way out of an unhappy marriage